Conversations In A Hospital II

(Guy is wearing a Boba Fett shirt) "We could watch Return Of The Jedi."
"You don't want to do that. Boba Fett dies in that one."
"Oh yea that's true."
"How is it that the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter is killed by falling into a pit because of a jet pack malfunction? It's just such an ignominious death."
"Yea that sucked."

"Adult cats are lactose intolerant. Why do people always want to give them milk?"
"Can you milk a cat?"
"Oh yea, you can milk anything with nipples."

"What kind of Baptists were they?"
"The kind that dance."
"That reminds me of the joke about the Hassidic rabbi who says all sexual positions are acceptable except for one: standing up because that could lead to dancing."
"That wasn't at all inappropriate."

"I spent some time in Mesa Vista."
"The psych hospital? Why?"
"I was diagnosed as Bipolar. People there were crazy. There was this guy always looking at me and waving me over to his room and wanting me to try and let him out. No way I was going to try and let him out. When people got too crazy they got the booty juice".
"What's the booty juice?"
"I don't know. But nurses came in with a huge needle and you got it in the booty."
"What happened to them?"
"After that they were taken away; I never saw them again. I made sure not to get the booty juice."
"It was for the best, I'm sure."

(Med student walks up) "Are you the Neurologist?"
"Heh.. no. I'm the chaplain."
"Oh ok."
"But if you like I can tell you how the brain works?"
"Yea?"
"Magic. If you have any other brain related questions don't hesitate to ask."

"Mi nombre es Ryan, soy el capellan de este hospital. ?Sabe usted que es un capellan?"
"No."
"Un capellan es un pastor que trabaja en hospitales. Como un sacerdote."
"Oh, sacerdote, si. Gracias para visitas."
"De nada."

"You remember your teacher last year in 2nd grade? What was her name?"
"Mrs. Smith. She loves vodka."
"God bless children."

(In Med/Surg interdisciplinary rounds)
"This kiddo had an open wound and fell at a farm and now his leg is septic."
"Ugh. Who knows what he could have fallen in. Place is probably crawling with Mad Cow disease or something."
"Hey! I grew up on a farm!"
"That explains a lot."

"Hi I'm a chaplain."
"Nobody's dying, we don't need a priest."
"Well, that's good because I'm not a priest."
"I'm Agnostic!"
"Great. So what brings you to the hospital?"

"Let me ask you something. Do they hire good looking people here on purpose?"
"What?"
"The staff here are all young and hot. I've worked in places where bosses hired the prettiest people to help with customer service."
"Well the medical profession is a young field and we are in San Diego so maybe that brings the good looking folks."
"I don't know how you guys get any work done."

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