One Against Thebes

1 Star: Twilight

2009-08-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

This is for all you 'Twihards' out there. A 1 Star review of the crappiest book to ever sweep the nation, Twilight. I didn't have time to go through the hundreds of reviews berating this monstrosity so we will just have to make due with what I found. As always these are real reviews from Amazon.com presented in all their grammatical glory with my occasional comments in red. Let's begin...

"There still remains one simple fact: this is one of the most painfully badly-written pieces of published writing I have ever had the misfortune of coming across.
I've scored 9th-grade essays that tortured the English language significantly less. Her editor should be shot; maybe then he'd do a better job.
It makes me shudder to think about what the manuscripts must have looked like before editing. I can only conclude that Meyer has the IQ of a leek."
Leeks everywhere rise in protest of being compared to the mental prowess of the author and then commit ritual seppuku.

"I'm sorry, but a person who sparkles in the sunlight, only eats animals and doesn't have fangs is not a vampire. It's a friggen PIXIE."

"Seriously? People seriously think these books are good?
THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE. In the sunlight. SPARKLE.
LIKE THEIR SKIN IS COVERED WITH DIAMONDS.
That alone should make everyone throw these books on the fire. SPARKLING? ARE YOU SERIOUS WOMAN?"

"To put it simply, Stephenie Meyer couldn't write her way out of a paper bag."

"being a vampire and having had a romance with a teenage girl, i can say with authority that this is a terrible representation of either."
Finally we have confirmation from the teen molesting vampires themselves that this is tripe.

"Absolutely dreadful - no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Poorly written story that glorifies an unhealthy, codependent relationship between a whiny, emo teenager and a controlling, emotionally abusive stalker vampire - that sparkles. Blech."
What?! The relationship of a 100 year old man who looks like a teenager and spends his days stalking a teen is 'unhealthy'?

"Meyer's writing style is quite horrendous.
'Who gets to ask the questions tomorrow?' I asked quizzically.
'I don't know,' Edward retorted.
'Is it you?' I wondered musingly.
'I think I get to answer the questions tomorrow," he remarked cheekily.
'Oh really?' I huffed angrily.
'Oh yes!' he chortled naughtily.
This is beyond a joke."
I vomitted a little reading this paragraph.

"This novel is a piece of rubbish that should be placed at the bottom of a paper bag and filled with excrete and burned at Stephenie Meyer's doorstep."

"I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MOVIE jt is great first bella is perfect she shows teenagers it is ok to b in love with someone ay a young age edward show tht having compasoin with someone it can mean it eill be dangerous this movie is the best and people who dont like it have no heart for good books"
We end with a standard Twilight fan who, by the way, gave the book a 1 star rating as well.

It Moved...

2009-08-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been around writing. Actually I have but what is written is in the 'draft' section as they have all been deemed 'not suitable for public viewing' because of their likelihood to offend people. So it goes. Maybe I will post them. The problem is that with knowledge of older posts it becomes blatantly obvious who they refer to.

Anyway some updates.

I changed the template for the blog. I felt a change of scenery might make we more enthusiastic about coming back.

I have been officially Licensed through WACC and BGC/Converge as a Minister. I immediately began work on my Endorsement for chaplaincy through the denomination and am currently in the final stage of that process. I have an interview with a BGC chaplain later this month who will... well I don't quite know what she will want to know that isn't in my application. Anyway, it's happening. After this is completed I will begin work towards Ordination, which I hope to have done by the end of the year.

I finished my second and third unit of my chaplaincy internship and just began my fourth and final unit at Children's. I'm the old man of the group, a dispenser of wisdom, a brilliant guiding light, and I am still the youngest by at least 22 years or more. Nice. I will be finished in December.

And last but not least, I am going to be a father.

Desperately Seeking Ordination

2009-04-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

There's something about aligning myself with a group, any group, that I find... distasteful.

Why then am I desperately seeking ordination? I need a job! I have been putting off joining a denomination because of this history of disgust with groups but now I must suck it up. In particular, aligning myself based on my beliefs is quite difficult for me. I was called a heretic at Biola, I was called a heretic at Talbot, too conservative for some of the other chaplains, something about how people want to place themselves within the bounds of a group is confusing to me.

So I applied for a per diem chaplain position with San Diego Hospice last month. Requirements: MDiv... check, 1 unit of CPE... check, endorsement of a denomination.... ugh. They would not pass on my resume because I didn't have my ordination/endorsement. Since that time I have diligently been working toward making it happen.

Normally a minister seeking ordination would simply work through their current church, however our current church is not formerly affiliated with a denomination. Our previous church in LA, Whittier Area Community Church, was awesome and part of the Baptist General Conference. Pastor Bill said that he would write a letter on my behalf to any church I became affiliated with, which is extremely helpful. The only other church I know in San Diego is also BGC and came highly recommended is Flood. I met briefly after a service with the lead pastor and he seemed to think that I would be able to work with them toward my ordination. I left there encouraged and I'm hoping to meet with him again and talk about how this might work.

So it's in process. I'm sort of waiting for the leaders of Flood to make the next move though. I already sent them an email, I'm trying to be patient. Never have I been so close to being able to do what I want to do for a career.

Way Freakin' Busy

2009-04-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

This has been an immersive few months at the hospital, that's why I haven't been able to write much. That and the fact that all the cool stories I could put in a blog would be illegal thanks to the HIPAA bastards. My goals for this unit have been much heavier than they were last time, focusing on caring for chronically ill children and being a support to families who experience death in the hospital. And so far I have been able to work with many families that fit those two categories.

I have gotten to know a lot of families in our Oncology unit. I would have to say that it has been some of the most meaningful work I've done so far. Some of these families are at the hospital for months and we get to come along side them from the day of their diagnosis to the day they finish treatment. It's a bond that is powerful if correctly fostered by staff and utilized by families.

400 hours down! 400 more by June 5th!

Back To The Hospital

2009-01-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I start a new semester at the hospital. I'm not sure what units I will be covering this time, although I do know that they will be in a higher acuity floor. The last 6 months were great and I am looking forward to the next as well. But a major difference from last semester is that this time I will be working full-time rather than only part-time. I have to be at the hospital 40 hours a week in order to attain all the clinical hours needed. It's going to be a lot of time. If I miss a day, I'll have to make it up on my weekends. If for some reason I missed a week, say I got sick, I would not be very happy trying to make up all that time. But it's not all bad, by June I will have 2 more units completed and have a total of 3 of the 4 needed to be certified.

And on a completely different note. This was my 100th blog post. I'm sure there are people who can do that in a month, well it took me about 2 1/2 years! Huzzah!

Favorite Music Of 2008

2009-01-11T17:58:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy year for Rachelle and I, 2008 I mean. So far 2009 has been pretty chill, for me at least. But with the end of the year comes the eventual "best of" lists. Well, I can't give a best of list because I am only getting back into the search for good music. For the past 2 years I had pretty much given up hope that good music existed. If you listen to the radio, you know what I mean. This list will be a list of what I believe to be gems waiting for others to discover. Trust me, a ray of light still exists, hope still exists among the Britney comebacks and relentless Fall Out Boy releases. Hope came and found me this time, through my good buddy Pandora.com. A band gave me hope and made me want to know what else I had been missing, and they begin our list:

The Black Keys - Attack & Release
The blues rock duo of Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney out of Akron give a new reason to root for the Ohio rock scene. These guys are by no means new kids on the block, with 4 albums under their belt and signed to a major label. Their latest album, "Attack & Release", was a collaboration with Ike Turner (before his death) and acclaimed hip hop producer Brian 'Danger Mouse' Burton. The release is definitely a departure from their earlier work, all of which is highly recommended. Some people have been complaning that this album has been overproduced and sounded too different. I disagree. Their early work is great, and very raw. I think Danger Mouse has done a admirable job polishing this album while keeping them who they are and not injecting his own hip hop specialties. The album still holds some blunt weapons like "Strange Times" and "I Got Mine" which slap you on the face and make stand to attention like previous albums. Also some slower, powerful songs like "Lies" and "Psychotic Girl" with it's hypnotic background vocals and beat. They make me want to be a better man. Take a listen:

Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom
This list is meant to be a sampling of albums made this year that I have discovered. Some I know more than others, so if my descriptions aren't as long as they should be it's because they are newer to me to. This is one of them. Mount Eerie is Phil Elverum, formerly of The Microphones. About this change Elverum said: "Mount Eerie is a new project. The Microphones was completed, or at least at a good stopping point. I did it because I am ready for new things. I am new." I respect that. Knowing where to end something is often harder than starting something new. When I first heard the beginning of "Voice In Headphones" I figured it was just another Eliot Smith wannabe then from no where came these heavenly harmonies of Julie Doiron and Fren Squire. The album is short, just over 20 minutes but worth a listen.

The Mars Volta - The Bedlam In Goliath
Those who know me are well aware of my man crush for TMV, so this pick will not be a surprise. The Mars Volta bless us with their 4th album post At The Drive-In. Their prog-rock sound is, according to the band itself, like a "donkey choking a waffle". I couldn't fathom a better description. The most uncertain part of this album was the inclusion of a new drummer, Thomas Pridgen. TMV have a tendency to musically hijack alien spacecrafts during their songs and soar out into the universe while the listener eagerly waits for them to return, maybe. Keeping the beat is also what was able to keep them grounded. How would Pridgen do? The fears were unfounded, as Pridgen executes his instrument with a power TMV has yet to see. If you are interested, the album was plagued with much "bad luck" as well. While in Jerusalem, Omar bought an archaic oujia board that the band dubbed "The Soothsayer". After much hardship, one of which was the former drummer quiting, Omar broke the board and buried it in an undisclosed location to lift the curse they were afflicted by. Dope. For more read here. The band got mixed reviews with "Amputecture", and many have said this album is moving back toward "Frances The Mute". That may be true, but I hope they aren't getting too much label pressure to reign it in. TMV's job, as far as I am concerned, is to always take that step too far. Wherever the line is drawn, I sleep well at night knowing they can't even see the line from where they are. They're cruising Alpha Centauri, loving green women and leaving them.

This is getting long. Here are some others

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
The Seattle quintet have gotten a lot of exposure for their first album. At the beginning of the year the group was signed to Sub Pop after their Myspace page had 250,000 plays in 2 months. While thier folk-pop stylings are good, it's hard to truly take them out of the indie scene that has helped rise them to the prominent position they are now enjoying. They're a part of a larger movement that they owe a lot to and fans who have spread the word about them.

Shugo Tokumaru - Exit
I don't think you're prepared for Shugo. Listening to "Exit" is like having elves crap a rainbow in your brain. You may not know what's happening, but you find yourself staringing at a pot of gold and all of a sudden you don't care anymore. Something like 50 different instruments were used in the making of this album, many by Shugo himself. Considering all those instruments, even banging on pots and pans, the production of this album is great. The stand out track "Parachute" is a sunny little pop ditty and all the tracks are so Japanese. I don't mean they have Japanese lyrics, I mean they are Japanese. The same way that "Katamari Damacy" couldn't be anything other than Japanese. It's great.

Why? - Alopecia
I love nerd rock. Well, these guys are raps answer to nerd rock. They're an interesting blend of indie rock and rap with lyrics that might make you laugh or cringe. This album isn't for everyone because of that. I did like how itunes put it when they said: "Alopecia... displays both crypticness and honesty, intellectualism and vulgarity in equal measure, challenging and placating its audience in the same drawn-out, undefined, nasally breath". The first song I heard off this album was perhaps the best, "Fatalist Palmistry". It begins with: "I sleep on my back because it's good for the spine and coffin rehearsal" to which I let out an unexpected laugh. Rap is a genre where artists take themselves far too seriously, self-agrandizement is expected. This album is a breath of fresh air in that respect.

Hauschka - Ferndorf
I really can't say it better than David Abravanel over at CokeMachineGlow: "Ferndorf is a record of understatement and introspection, of lightheartedness and melancholy nostalgia. Named after the small German town where Bertelmann grew up, it’s the soundtrack to the adage that you can take the boy out of the town, but you know the rest. The tear in Ferndorf is between Bertelmann’s lovely memories, of swimming holes and blue bicycles and pretty girls next door and nature walks, and the reality that he’s a budding international musician whose success likely would not have been possible had he not left this pristine setting. Just listen to those weeping chord changes on “Heimat” and try not to get choked up remembering your own childhood".

This took a lot longer than I expected and I didn't even get to the new Sigur Ros and many others. Maybe another time.

You Were Right

2008-12-26T01:05:00.000-08:00

Last week I officially finished my first unit of Clinical Pastoral Education towards being accredited as hospital chaplain. For our final meeting we had to complete an exit interview report that turned out to be about 9 pages long. One of the questions asked: "What patient relationships have meant the most to you..." and I answered from the last 6 months with two patients. One is Shaya.

Shaya is vampire loving, cynical, goth, funny, black wearing, moody, anime watching teenager that I have been visiting for the past 5 months. Needless to say, we get along famously. She is a resident in our critical care facility at the hospital that is reserved for medically fragile children. When I say "resident", I mean that she lives at the hospital. She is restricted to a ventilator to always keep her lungs working whether in bed or in her wheelchair. When I visit her, she is home. It's different than a patient in the hospital proper. We hang out. Talk about guys that she likes, I help her with her homework, we play games, talk about her artwork, I am broadening her anime horizons which we occasionally watch together. Sometimes we talk about spiritual things, sometimes about how she's feeling, sometimes I just keep her company. When I was first getting to know her, she and the nurses hazed me one night during karaoke... yea that's right karaoke... in which they made me sing "Material Girl" by Madonna. Last Saturday was the annual Christmas Party and Shaya said she didn't want to get her picture taken with Santa and Mrs. Claus. So I made a deal with her. We would both be in the picture and I would sit on Mrs. Claus' lap, which I of course did and I think Mrs. Claus enjoyed. There were many families there that day and everyone seemed to have a good time. The party was from 1-3pm and about 4pm I decided I decided I best head out. Shaya put up a fuss like normal and finally let me go saying: "You're going to miss me."

Shaya died yesterday, Christmas Eve. Her last day on earth was spent talking with the San Diego Charger's LaDainian Tomlinson, better known as LT, in which she was interviewed, and subsequently on the evening news, during his time passing out presents at the hospital. Then she sweet talked the staff into giving her her Christmas presents early. Finally, she stayed up until 1am with another resident watching movies. Four hours later she passed away.

I knew when I began work at the hospital that I would experience loss. On average, a child dies at the hospital every other day. That isn't something I like to relegate to a ratio, but it is what it is. And it's not like I am a stranger to loss either. That's part of the reason why I wanted to go into this field; I know what it's like to have a loved one die. But this was Shaya , she wasn't sick, she was fine. She was not the page I was expecting to wake up to. 20 minutes later I wasn't greeted by her when I walked into her room this time rather by her intensely grieving parents. If you had told me that my Christmas Eve would be spending 4 1/2 hours being with Shaya's parents as I helped them mourn her loss and helped the staff mourn her loss, I wouldn't have wanted to believe it. But...

There is no place on earth I would have rather been at that moment than right there with them.

And she was right. I do miss her.

James Jean

2008-12-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

I have held a love for the work of James Jean since I first stumbled upon his work while sifting through the garbage heap that is the interwebs. Ever since then I have lurked his website and blog, drooling over beautiful artwork and reading the interesting comments he put forth on his work. I would love to own one of his pieces, I often peruse his available prints looking for something that would be remotely acceptable to Rachelle.

He has a show coming up in New York. Stupid New York. Not to mention, a few months ago he announced that he would no longer be illustrating the covers for Fables. Sadness. Check out his stuff, buy it, love it, tell your friends about it.

Hitchhiker's Guide To Soft Drinks

2008-12-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

If you find yourself travelling around the country and incredibly parched, make sure to keep this graph with you other wise you may unwittingly order the wrong soda.. er... coke... I mean... pop. Screw all of them, I ask for a Dr. Pepper! Dr. Pepper is what Jesus drinks. I bet the Anti-Christ will love Dr. Pepper too. I bet that will be confusing for them. You know when there is someone that you really can't stand, yet they have a similar love that you have? And you think to yourself: "How can they love that too? I hate everything about them" so part of you respects them for that one thing despite all the bad blood between you both. Yea, that's going to be Dr. Pepper for Jesus and, from the emails I see flying around the interwebs, Obama.

CHRI$TMA$

2008-12-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

How much are you going to spend (already have?) on Christmas? Last year, Americans spent a whopping $474 billion dollars during the holiday season. I have included this interesting little piece of statistics for all those interested. My favorite part is the section about "holiday debt" that states that "16.8%" of total American credit card debt for 2007 was tallied during the months of November and December. Oh yea, and "1/3 of the consumers were still paying off debt from teh 2006 holday season".

Remember to make wise purchasing decisions or... "conspire".

The Crisis Is Only Just Beginning?

2008-12-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

Per Wikipedia: "AIDS has killed more than 25 million people between 1981 and 2007, and an estimated 33 million people worldwide live with HIV as of 2007, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 2 million lives in 2007, of which about 270,000 were children."

AIDS is an epidemic. In that epidemic, much has been done to combat the virus. It's been 20 years and in our financially declining country, I wonder how well our money has been spent? Don't get me wrong, I think we ought to continue to take steps to promote AIDS awareness and fight the disease. But, I think, we must also realize that it is one of many diseases out there, with others having a far worse impact than AIDS does. As staggering as the numbers above are, more children die from pneumonia than AIDS, malaria, and measles combined.

"In Ethiopia, Rwanda, Uganda and elsewhere, donations for HIV projects routinely outstrip the entire national health budgets. In a 2006 report, Rwandan officials noted a 'gross misallocation of resources' in health: $47 million went to HIV, $18 million went to malaria, the country's biggest killer, and $1 million went to childhood illnesses... But across Africa, about 1.5 million doctors and nurses are still needed, and hospitals regularly run out of basic medicines."

AIDS is a global problem. But I think it has received the financing and awareness that it has, frankly, because it's a disease that Americans face. We like to talk about AIDS, it's an acceptable part of our culture. How many people want to talk about children all over the world dying of diarrhea? How many people even think that that still occurs today?

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this. I think that AIDS research and funding are great and want to promote them. At the same time, I look around and think: "The money is going to run out sometime, who needs it the most?". I really hope that it doesn't run out and we can continue to fight suffering of all kinds and on all fronts. But as today is supposed to remind us, it takes awareness to make that happen.

26 Types Of Animals

2008-11-30T18:43:00.000-08:00

Two loves of mine, typefaces and animals, combined into one glorious entity. What's not to love?

Sickgiving

2008-11-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

So I wasn't feeling good (sore throat and sinuses) over Thanksgiving and continue to be a little sniffily. I am feeling much better but still a little worn down. Rachelle was in Whittier for Thanksgiving which meant me laying on the couch sucking on a cough drop and watching instant Netflix movies through my Xbox 360. That is one of the new features of Xbox Live and is really cool. Turn on the Xbox, go to my movie queue and start watching; no waiting for them to come in the mail. Their instant library is lacking but they keep adding to it all the time. Here was my Sickgiving movies:

Dog Day Afternoon
Great movie. I thought it was going to be your sort of standard bank robbery gone awry kind of movie. Of course it has that, but I was not expecting the social issues that take place in this retelling of actual events. Pacino is great. His character is real, likeable, and just in over his head. I suggest you check it out.

Ghost In The Shell
I've seen the second GitS movie and the anime series, but I had yet to see the original. If you are unfamiliar with GitS, it is the future and computerization is at a peak. The main character and most of her cohorts are either partially machine, cyborgs, or completely synthetic with nothing original than thier mind and "ghost", aka soul. The animation was fantastic, even in the action scenes. A regrettable aspect of this "watch instantly" stuff is the inability to switch language and subtitles. I'm normally not a fan of english voice acting and this was not an exception. I know it's hard to make english dialog fit and I respect them for the effort, just not my cup of tea. If you are into film in any form, check it out.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Yes, my guilty pleasure of the bunch. Some of you are thinking: "How is this one the guity pleasure?!" but it is for me. I wasn't a huge fan of this in the theaters, I thought it was adequate/good. Wanted a little Jack Sparrow and hadn't seen it since it came out so what the heck. I may have liked it better the second time, something that doesn't happen too often for me. I'm sure everyone has seen this movie so I won't explain it. It was good enough.

Blood: The Last Vampire
This was a short 40 minute action/horror jaunt into the demon slaying world. I have seen much of Blood+ but have never seen this short original picture of Saia. Production I.G have been and continue to be dope. The animation is beautiful. Here is something I don't say often, the english voice acting was good; some of the best I've heard. Possibly because both Japanese and English are present, but whatever the reason it's good. Obviously bloody and for an adult audience

THX 1138
Georg Lucas, before he became the great destroyer he is today, began as a great provider. But somewhere around 1984, I think, he went and lost his damn mind. Strangely enough this transition happened around the time he made The Ewok Adventures, an amazing piece of fail. THX 1138 is an interesting film. It's the future and drugs are mandatorily used to pacify people. The most interesting aspect to me, and this shows where my biases lie, was in the portrayal of religion in the film. Many futuristic movies tend toward a ultra modern societal view in which religion is banned or simply lost due to lack of interest. I was very interested in how "religion" was an encouraged aspect for these people, not in a spiritual sense but as another means of control. For many people today prayer is simply a coping mechanism, and the films depiction of religious activity was far more real and disturbing than a future without spirituality at all. I liked it, liked all the actors, especially liked the themes it brought to mind i.e. absence of action, religion, big brother, sexuality, etc. I suggest it for those who are into sci/fi. If you aren't a science fiction person, I would pass on it maybe.

Ghost World
Netflix suggested this movie for me, so I went for it. The movie is from 2001 and features a young Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson as the main characters opposite a favorite actor of mine, Steve Buscemi. Buscemi plays an eclectic, nerdy guy that Birch mocks at first and then sees him as her future self. Not sure what to say about this one. I liked it well enough.

The King Of Kong
I had wanted to see this for while. This is a documentary of the battle for the high score in Donkey Kong and the men who ruin their lives in pursuit of it; I'm not sure if that's how the people view it but I sure do. This is an interesting step into gamer culture. If I may digress for a moment, I am a nerd.

We nerds can smell our own and this flick is ripe with them. There are many different types of nerds in the nerd hierarchy, but overall most will fall into a broader category of the "timid nerd". You see, nerds are used to being made fun of for their, usually, high intelligence which in turn causes the nerd to segregate themselves from the rest of humanity lest they be made fun of by the dreaded captain of the football team. Ultimately they care about how the world views them and they keep their nerdiness hidden except to those who will view their obscene amount of knowledge about a niche item as a good and enviable thing.

Occasionally there is a nerd that will arise with an ability to cross the lines of "normal" and "nerd" that usually manifests itself in something that your everyday household nerd usually lacks... self confidence. Don't get me wrong a nerd can be confident, but only in as far as their medium (video games, computers, anime, etc.) allows them to comfortably be. I'm confident enough to say that I am one of these people. My confidence came not from how smart I felt I was, or if I thought I was good looking, but merely because I didn't care what other people thought. I would go to an anime club meeting one night, playing poker another, and then be leading my floor in a revolt against the RD another night. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, whatever that means, it's just the way it was. I did what I wanted. Some people will read this or other thoughts I have written and think: "This guy is a prideful jerk" which may be the case sometimes but often I am just being me and confidence comes out. I'm human with fears too, but I guess I'm just trying to say that confidence is something others can feel and will yield to.

Now the nerd sees this person and deduces, often incorrectly, that confidence is merely an equation of actions that can be copied. In other words... they fake it. Their overcompensation is a mask to hide their fear. But they can overcompensate to a point where they fall into another official gamer category: "The Douschebag". (I imagine Eric is reading this and laughing thinking of some WoW players we have met before.) The D-Bag often is praised for his "douscebaggery" by the "padawan/leech nerds". The leech has nerdom goals for themselves but they have so aligned themselves with their Douschebag king that their own sense of being is directly effected by the victories and especially losses of the king. They envy an ability that the rest of the world sees as trite or meaningless. The D-Bag's whole world revolves round his praise and accolades from the leeches who feed the thought that his is a meaningful existence. Sad but true.

Why did I write all of this? What I just wrote is essentially the entire movie The King Of Kong.

A Diver Comes

2008-11-23T19:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a bit of an emotional and tiring week.

On Monday I received a text from a friend saying that a student and friend of mine, Andy Caldera, had gone into the hospital and that the doctors believed he would not survive the day. Andy had been fighting an increasingly tough battle with cancer for the last 10 months. I was thankful that this was happening on a Monday, any other day and I would have been at work. So I drove up to Los Angeles to see Andy and be whatever support I could to the family.

Something that working in a hospital gives you is some insight into what can reasonably be done, especially for someone in Andy's position. I stood in the ER with the family and the doctor in charge as he began to say some things that "could" be done. As I listened to the invasive, painful, and ultimately useless procedures that the doctor dangled before the family as a glimmer of hope. I couldn't help but be saddened knowing none of them could or would be done and that the good doctor had made the inevitable all the harder. When you have a Urologist telling you what could be done in the lungs, be skeptical. I couldn't bring myself to tell Andy's dad that those things wouldn't happen, it's not my place, especially when he spoke with such hope because of what the doctor had said. Hope is not something to be dashed.

On November 17, just 10 days after his 18th birthday, Andy died in the presence of his family and friends. Andy had been in the small group I led for two years while at Wacc. In fact, he was the first student I befriended in the youth ministry. When I began volunteering in the High School Ministry, the first event I attended was the "Lasertag Overnighter". As the night began I suddenly realized that I didn't know any staff or students and that I would be locked in the same room with these complete strangers for 12 hours... it was going to be a long night. I grabbed some pizza and sat to eat alone, how I imagined most of the night would be. Then from across the room I see a big, tall, hairy high schooler wearing an Underoath shirt looking my way. He motioned to his friends and walked toward me, introducing himself as Andy. He and his friends sat down and we all started talking. One of the first things we did was play a game that would become one of our favorites: "Hot Seat". In the game the person in the hot seat has to answer any question posed no matter what it may be. I answered every question they asked, including some you don't often share with near strangers. That night the group of guys went to John, the Youth Pastor, and asked if I could be their small group leader. And thus history was made. I'm glad I was able to work with Andy and all the guys in my small group. I can honestly say that I loved them all. I don't think it was coincidence that I was their leader, or that I would be in Whittier exactly 2 years and move just as they graduated. Or that I would become a hospital chaplain and then be able to use that later with his family. Not for a second.

As I was driving back to San Diego at around 1am I began to think of a song for Andy. A song that I felt was able to encapsulate Andy's life and my feelings. If this sounds weird, it comes from when my sister died. A song that was played at her memorial was Alphaville's "Forever Young". To this day when I hear it I think of her. So now Andy needed a song, or rather I needed a song for Andy. I thought long and hard, nothing seemed right. Then I was struck with the obviousness of he choice because it is my favorite song by Sigur Ros. I opened my mouth and said the name of my favorite song of theirs, "Sæglópur". And immediately that very song began playing on the radio... did I say earlier that I don't believe in coincidence? In case you are saying: "Well of course they are playing the number one song on the pop charts!" know that this song is off an album that is 3 years old and... oh yea... in Icelandic. Not exactly something you hear on the radio, actually now that I think about it I have never heard it on the radio before that night.

It's an amazing song, so full of emotion. And that night as I drove home it was a beautiful reminder to me of Andy's struggle to survive. Sæglópur means "a lost seafarer" and any sailor worth his salt will fight to return home to his family and friends.

Sæglópur, á lífi
A lost seafarer, alive

kominn heim
has returned home

Sometimes those who are lost are able to find their way home. Sometimes those with cancer are able to fend it off and go on living their lives. As the song plays out the music slowly ramps up higher and higher to a fever pitch. I imagine the lost sailor struggling against harsh winds and heavy seas. The battle has become hopeless yet there is nothing that can be done except to push on. In a crescendo, the sailor is thrown overboard. Unlike the others that piloted their ships safely into port, there will be no triumphant homecoming. Or so he thinks.

það kemur kafari
a diver comes

kominn heim
has returned home

Out of the murky depths a diver comes for the unlucky sæglópurs who never made it home in this life. The diver makes the journey for them and brings them home once again. And as I think of Andy taking his final breath in that hospital room, in my mind a diver comes. A diver came to bring Andy to his eternal home. At the moment Andy died their was a feeling of peace where we all silently waited. Before I even knew he was gone, we knew. It had changed, the air had changed. His struggle was over and we were all relieved.

This is for the sæglópur, finally at home. I will miss you.

In Flanders Fields

2008-11-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

Being Veterans/Remembrance Day and all, I thought this reflection was rather appropriate.

Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae was a Canadian born physician, professor, author, poet, and soldier. When World War I broke out, McCrae was appointed a field surgeon in the 1st Field Artillery Brigade and head of the field hospital during the Second Battle Of Ypres. Death was a matter of sort during these days of intense fighting. Yet one death in particular stung deeper. Lt. Alexis Helmer had been a student and friend of McCrae prior to the war, and on May 2, 1915 he was killed in battle. In the absence of a chaplain, McCrae presided over the funeral for his fallen friend.
Shortly afterword he wrote In Flanders Fields:

In Flanders fields, the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below...

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields...

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields...

The poem has the obvious call to continue the ongoing struggle of one country against another and, in fact, this poem was used as a rally cry to bring the USA into WWI. But I think, and I like to think that McCrae thought as well, that war is not simply a reason for humanity to fight. That his war, and all wars to follow, were fought for the minds and hearts of both the allies and the enemies. What they were fighting against wasn't just the figures across "no man's land", they fought for an ideal. They fought to quail the injustices that the powerful perpetrated on the weak. Hatred and prejudice would not be allowed to flourish. These are the messages that I believe were in the hearts of those on the front lines.

As I think about our world today, the battle has been brought to our doorstep. We fight that same fight everyday in our homes with our families, on the job, wherever we might be. The question remains: Will we allow hate, prejudice and injustice to reign? It's a battle that is right in front of us, but unlike real combat, we must choose whether we will fight.

I'm Calling CPS, Father William

2008-11-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

In continuing with previous reflections, one I did a few weeks ago.

I had become struck by the fact that many of the children who are patients in the hospital happen to display coping skills beyond expectation and, consequently, beyond their parents as well. The truth of the matter is that many of these kids are far more accepting of their diagnoses than their parents are, no matter the prognosis. Yet at the same time it is easy to go into a room and dismiss the patients ideas about their future because of their age. Or worse, expect the patient to not understand what is happening to them at all and then completely ignore the meaning they have come up with to help themselves through the situation.

I have seen parents grow more and more distant from their children, to the point that they stop visiting. I have seen parents take fantastic care of their children, being 100% supportive. It's not that all family's are bad or good, it's about how well they are able to mold themselves to their current situation. Frankly, children are often better at rolling with the punches than most adults.

A child's life is not wrapped around an ideal. Parents come in with beliefs, expectations, understandings of what life is and how it "ought" to work. Kids don't have that rigidness. And this is completely a side note, please don't "explain" death as: "You go to be with Jesus". That is not an answer, it's a loaded statement that they really don't understand and then the chaplain gets to unpack that for them into a way they can understand. Death is part of life so explain it in simple, clear, honest, and understandable terms. The sooner you do it the better. Acceptance of death as a natural thing will save them years of misery in the long run.

As I began to think of these sage-like children I remembered Lewis Carrol's: You Are Old, Father William.
"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown must uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned back a somersault in at the door--
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment--one shilling a box--
Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eyes was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!"

The poem describes a youth who continually questions the wisdom of his elder and rightly so. In the end the father answers, as many parents do when they are asked a lot of questions, with the non-answer of: "Because I said so".

My message to the other chaplains was not to discount any of our patients because of their age and don't expect bountiful wisdom from all parents because of their age. Instead we must be prepared for anything, to be anything that is needed. Because everyone is in need of something: wisdom, comfort, understanding, hope, someone to listen, someone to play a video game. But not everyone is willing to take the time to find out what it is. Really, it's easier to check out their cover, make a judgment, and then give them what you think they need.

Where Soul Meets Body

2008-10-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been writing much lately. I've been busy and nothing has seemed to come up to write about. A thought I had a while ago was to share the reflections I have done with the other chaplains. This was today's reflection.

Last week I was listening to Pandora.com (all thanks go to Dan) and listened to a song I hadn't heard in a long time and a band that I don't normally listen to while partaking of the Muse station: "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab For Cutie. During my reflection I played the song and typed out the lyrics for everyone to have.

For some reason I was particularly struck by the song at this time. I had heard it before but something had changed. It had a different meaning this go around for me. As I was listening to the beginning:

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Here is, what I presume to be, some sort of immaterial being who wants desperately to become human, the only way for a soul and body to be one. Life is beautiful and it wants to experience what it can only be an observer of.

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

The bus station has sort of become an iconic spot for a new beginning. You can get anywhere you want at the least expensive price. It reminds me of Red from "The Shawshank Redemption" as he rides the greyhound to his new life and says: "I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope". It's knowing we are finally where we belong.

And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

A new life doesn't mean it will be perfect, you still get your hands dirty, but it's worth it. And perhaps most importantly is that we are not alone in this journey.

As I think about my work, it is easy to focus on death. Death is all around. Hell, last week I saw a dead kid in one of the morgue freezers. A kid we had been visiting and had died over the weekend. With babies in the NICU going through so much to live and generally kids spending more time in the hospital than school it's easy to think of them not getting to live a "full life"... however you measure that.

But as I was listening to this song I had thought that went through my head that I enjoyed a great deal. Perhaps all our souls were like the beginning of this song, aching so badly to live. The baby in the NICU, the kid on Hem/Onc with cancer, or the little one in PICU all decided to live despite knowing full well the pains that they might one day face because of how amazing it would be. It is where they belong, no matter how short or long it may be.

And if you are reading this thinking that they didn't get to make a difference, it couldn't be further from the truth. The effect of the lives of these kids, whether 1 day or 17 years, has a profound impact on so many people. It's amazing to see.

Conversations In A Hospital II

2008-09-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

(Guy is wearing a Boba Fett shirt) "We could watch Return Of The Jedi."
"You don't want to do that. Boba Fett dies in that one."
"Oh yea that's true."
"How is it that the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter is killed by falling into a pit because of a jet pack malfunction? It's just such an ignominious death."
"Yea that sucked."

"Adult cats are lactose intolerant. Why do people always want to give them milk?"
"Can you milk a cat?"
"Oh yea, you can milk anything with nipples."

"What kind of Baptists were they?"
"The kind that dance."
"That reminds me of the joke about the Hassidic rabbi who says all sexual positions are acceptable except for one: standing up because that could lead to dancing."
"That wasn't at all inappropriate."

"I spent some time in Mesa Vista."
"The psych hospital? Why?"
"I was diagnosed as Bipolar. People there were crazy. There was this guy always looking at me and waving me over to his room and wanting me to try and let him out. No way I was going to try and let him out. When people got too crazy they got the booty juice".
"What's the booty juice?"
"I don't know. But nurses came in with a huge needle and you got it in the booty."
"What happened to them?"
"After that they were taken away; I never saw them again. I made sure not to get the booty juice."
"It was for the best, I'm sure."

(Med student walks up) "Are you the Neurologist?"
"Heh.. no. I'm the chaplain."
"Oh ok."
"But if you like I can tell you how the brain works?"
"Yea?"
"Magic. If you have any other brain related questions don't hesitate to ask."

"Mi nombre es Ryan, soy el capellan de este hospital. ?Sabe usted que es un capellan?"
"No."
"Un capellan es un pastor que trabaja en hospitales. Como un sacerdote."
"Oh, sacerdote, si. Gracias para visitas."
"De nada."

"You remember your teacher last year in 2nd grade? What was her name?"
"Mrs. Smith. She loves vodka."
"God bless children."

(In Med/Surg interdisciplinary rounds)
"This kiddo had an open wound and fell at a farm and now his leg is septic."
"Ugh. Who knows what he could have fallen in. Place is probably crawling with Mad Cow disease or something."
"Hey! I grew up on a farm!"
"That explains a lot."

"Hi I'm a chaplain."
"Nobody's dying, we don't need a priest."
"Well, that's good because I'm not a priest."
"I'm Agnostic!"
"Great. So what brings you to the hospital?"

"Let me ask you something. Do they hire good looking people here on purpose?"
"What?"
"The staff here are all young and hot. I've worked in places where bosses hired the prettiest people to help with customer service."
"Well the medical profession is a young field and we are in San Diego so maybe that brings the good looking folks."
"I don't know how you guys get any work done."

More...more...more...

Striving For Normal

2008-08-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

Working in a hospital is like traipsing through a Salvador Dali painting.

Everyone there knows something is wrong but they can't quite put their finger on it. They walk through the halls convincing themselves that what they see at every turn is normal. It is most certainly not normal. When I first started working I thought I was going to need to prepare myself ala Dave Chapelle when he describes preparing himself for going to the ghetto: "I'm gonna see some loud shit, I need to prepare myself. I'm gonna see something crazy". And crazy is there, don't get me wrong. But by the time the crazy comes you've already been lulled into a stupor by the constant state of sickness, of the unknown, anxiousness, shattered hopes, the 5th last straw. The way it sneaks up on you is sinister. Soon all of that becomes what we call "normal". If you aren't tracking with me, let me describe a recent situation.

A person codes, which is hospital talk for drops dead, in the middle of a hall surrounded by children and myself. During all this a fellow chaplain who was there asked me if I wouldn't mind terribly grabbing his lunch that was left in the cafeteria when he came up. I happily obliged him. It was around that time, when shouts of: "Eppy now!" rang through the unit, life hung in the balance, and with children screaming that the San Diego Chargers cheerleaders came prancing into the unit heading directly into this divine comedy. They waved their pom poms as if cheering death toward the goal line. He must have been inspired that day, it was 1st and inches. Sadly, I had to leave the game, I had plans of my own. I was late to play video games with a patient before he went to surgery. I won, 4-0. Not sure how well Death rounded out the day but I know of 1 victory for sure. You keep telling yourself this can't possibly be real, can it?

I now see part of my job is to be a remembrance to the patients and families of what normal actually is, standing as an effigy of what life is for most and ought to be for them as well. The only problem is that effigies have a tendency of getting burned.

A song always comes to mind when I'm trying to describe this feeling: Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town << right click and listen in a new tab

I seem to recognize your face.
Haunting familiar, yet I can't seem to place it.
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name.
Lifetimes are catching up with me.
All these changes taking place.
I wish I'd seen the place but no one's ever taken me.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.

I swear I recognize your breath.
Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising.
Me you wouldn't recall for I'm not my former.
It's hard when your stuck upon the shelf.
I changed by not changing at all.
Small town predicts my fate.
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see.
I just want to scream, "Hello."
My god its been so long.
Never dreamed you'd return.
But now here you are and here I am.
Hearts and thoughts they fade away.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.
Hearts and thoughts they fade away. Yeah.
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.
Hearts and thoughts they fade...

Conversations In A Hospital

2008-08-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

"I like to listen to metal. I have a bunch of Ozzy Osbourne records."
"So you like Black Sabbath? Are you into Led Zeppelin at all."

"I've been playing some video games, but they aren't very good."
"What do they have?"
"Thrillville."
"Isn't that the game where you make roller coasters?"
"Yea."
"Yea, that's no good."

"Hello, I'm a chaplain."
"It's alright, no thanks."

"I was walking down the street in broad day light and two men grabbed me and tried to kidnap me. One of them had a knife and he stabbed me here in the shoulder. Ever since then I pray a lot."
"I bet."

"I want to have 3 inch spikes drilled into my spine. It's gonna be cool."
"How are you going to sit in a chair?"

"Did Jesus have a last name? Was it Christ?"
"No, I think he was like Prince and Madonna."
"Jesus H Christ. And what does the H stand for?"
"Hoobastank."

"I'm looking forward to Friday night karaoke at the Convalescent Hospital."
"I'm bringing a video camera."

"How was the luau at lunch?"
"Good. Smoke from the BBQ was getting sucked into the Operating Rooms though. The surgeons are pissed."
"Did they stop the BBQ?"
"Nope."

"How did you get hurt?"
"Playing football."
"What position do you play?"
"Defensive Tackle."
"Hmmm... I guess I better pray that you get bigger too."

"Have any of your friends come to visit you?"
"No. I haven't told them that I'm in the hospital."
"Why not?"
"It's embarrassing."
"Being in the hospital doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're human."

*Finish praying*
"I'm sorry I'm crying."
"You don't need to apologize."

More to come...

Red Ring Of Death

2008-08-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

We all live with fear to some extent.

For example, I have always been afraid of heights, they just make me very uncomfortable. I don't how I worked as a High Adventure Guide when I worked at Hume Lake. Even watching something on TV where guys are on top of high high rise buildings or something will cause me to sweat a little. Granted my TV with HD is more clear then when I look out a window, but still.

Another great fear that I have, a great fear that all Xbox 360 owners have, is the Red Ring Of Death. It means that your console has had a major hardware failure, usually because the console has overheated. Then it magically becomes a $400 paper weight.That right there is the Red Ring Of Death. Not any old generic picture of the Red Ring Of Death. That is my Red Ring Of Death. Yea. Luckily, Microsoft knows that they really screwed up in making their GPU from thier own specs and sending it to Taiwan for 10 year olds in sweat shops to make rather than sending it to a reputable producer. So a RROD means you can get a free fix no matter when your warranty expired; mine expired in May.

All I wanted to do was have a nice quiet Sunday at home killing zombies. Nope. Hopefully in a few weeks I can get back on the horse.

So a Rabbi, a Catholic, a Evangelical, a Unitarian and two Seventh Day Adventists walk into a Children's Hospital...

2008-07-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

The beginning of of bad joke? Nope... my hospital chaplaincy program has begun.

I'm about a week into the CPE Chaplaincy Internship at Rady Children's Hospital. As you have already read, the interns are all from varying backgrounds. It's been fun the last few days, all the interns are very curious about the others beliefs, denominations, how a worship service works, everything. We did a meditation together the other day by reading through a Psalm. I couldn't help but think about how I could probably count all the people at Talbot who would feel comfortable doing this spiritual exercise on one hand. The fact that I am completely comfortable is one of the reasons why I feel like this is where I ought to be. And I know I will be helping people in great need.

I am by far the youngest; probably have about a decade on the next person and most others are in their 40's. If I were at a normal hospital I may have felt at a disadvantage because of this. I have already felt the ageism of being a young chaplain when I was going around with Pastor Curt in Whittier. But at a Children's Hospital I feel like my age is now an advantage. I'm used to working with Jr. High and High School aged students and this will be much the same in that regard.

I said I would be getting to help people in great need. The despair is written all over the faces of the people when you walk down the hall. I have barely been in the hospital except for a tour and you couldn't walk through a unit without seeing the familiar sight of red eyes and the lumbering shuffle of a parent with the weight of life and death on their back. They all look for a place to hide, a bench or elevator, away from the children to whom they say everything will be ok.

It makes me sad to think about but excited to know that I will help.

Lowered Expectations = Crap

2008-07-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have been having to give some warnings before my posts as of late and this one is no different. Many people see the church or church leaders and to say anything negative is unwanted. I understand why. However I am very critical of church leaders, just as critical as I am of myself. I put them up to a standard I set for myself and it's high, especially youth pastors.

The youth pastor of our church spoke on Sunday in "Big Church" while Pastor Tim is away. It was not good. My actual words to Rachelle as we left were: "That was painful... painful". You know you are in for a treat when the first words to hear are: "Websters Dictionary defines...". Oh wait, not treat, I meant mediocre High School essay. He went on to teach a topical sermon on "bad habits" where he essentially said alcoholism, depression, etc. are the same as biting your nails, not putting your dirty socks in the laundry basket, etc. and all were solved by simply thinking of God more. It was obvious that he had never been through any of the things he talked about. Also obvious was that he had never gotten out of a Christian culture, telling us we shouldn't watch certain movies while he was up there. It was a "weaker brother" placed in a leadership position that is most likely beyond him.

He was up there and pretty much everyone knew it was bad but is there any repercussion for it? The response of the churchgoers for the most part was the normal: "I need to be positive and get something out of this!". The other response and by far the most dangerous was: "Well, he's just the youth pastor... sooo yea". It is the fact that we are ok with crap that really bothers me. We make excuses for crap, when what we should be saying is: "This crap is unacceptable". If anything we ought to expect more from our youth leaders than we do from those speaking to adults. When parents are going to work do they have pressures everyday to cheat, lie, steal, are they encouraged to have promiscuous sexual relationships, to drink, do drugs, hitting the depths of depression and suicide with no one to talk to? Think I'm wrong? Think it isn't your teen? That's where many of our youth are. Have a conversation with a teen who is choking themselves in order to stop feeling... anything... and they think it isn't a big deal, and let me know how big a deal it is that they have good teachers. Have a conversation with a student with cancer, a girl whose been raped, clinically diagnosed as bipolar, likes to cut themselves, thinks meth is "no big deal". Are we ok teaching them crap as long as they are out of our hair? Do we as parents/guardians value our time over our children? You may say no but what do our actions say?

Lowering our expectations of the church and her leaders is a sure way to destroy any hope we have in helping people and especially youth. Most parents I worked with were interested in a babysitter for their kids which meant more events. Never mind if the events had any lasting spiritual significance, nor if they made outsiders welcome. I can't tell you how angry and frustrating it all is.

Rapture: The Church Strikes Back

2008-07-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

I knew when I wrote the Rapture Is A Lie blog that I wouldn't be able to answer all the questions people would have. It's hard enough to keep people's attention when a post gets long, throw in that it's on a theological topic and you're entering dangerous water. As an example, Rachelle has already given up reading this post. ^__^

Kat had a question about another passage in her comment on the first blog. If the Thessalonians passage is the #1 response, then these passages are #2 most common but they are more nuanced than Thess. I refer the the "taken and left" passages found in Matthew 24 and Luke 17: "One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left". Both of these passages, unlike the Thessalonians passage, are talking about end times which does make this a point of interest for this topic. What is Jesus talking about in these passages, is it a rapture that they have been "taken" by?

First, let me outline some of my presuppositions that I try to come to any text with when it comes to interpretation. You already know that I don't believe in the rapture, but even if I did I certainly wouldn't come to this or any text with that in mind because it would cloud my interpretation. All I am coming at this with is a knowledge of who is speaking, who is being spoken to, who is the author, what is the authors themes for the book/passage, what kind of literature is this (narrative, poetry, parable, etc). I'm not using a commentary really, but I already have knowledge of what some commentators say which can also hamper me making up my own mind. I want to be as impartial as possible. I like to think I do this very well. No theology is necessarily set in stone, all is questioned and processed constantly. This kind of thing made my fellow students uncomfortable with me at times. Oh well. It's how my brain works, it's tiresome at times. I spent 7 years getting a Bible undergrad and master's degree and to this day and nearly everyday I will reexamine the evidences and lack for believing in a god. Nearly everyday! I don't really want to do it, but it's there in my head with friends like rapture and others being rethought through in a never ending examination. Tiring.

However this can make for much frustration when you are in the real world where there are deadlines and you are still trying to fit it all together. (Consequently, many of my papers for my Master's degree were late). Really it is like a tapestry, finely woven, intricately patterned, beautiful. We do the Bible such a disservice; we do Jesus such a disservice in our inability to convey how amazing his teaching is. We focus so much on the content that we lose the man in all of it. His style and the depth at which he understands his audience and material is awe inspiring to me as a teacher myself. And forsaking this means we can lose the content we are after. I'll post my interpretation of the mustard seed parable sometime as an example.

See, long winded soap box action. I'm losing people so here goes.

I'll start with Matthew just because his train of thought is easier to see because it is straight forward while Luke is tying together some events that are harder to see the connections. Remember, the gospels are not annals, they aren't history books. Yes they contain historical fact, but that is superseded by what the author wants to teach the reader. Luke and Matthew don't use Jesus' words verbatim because that does not suit their objective. This is sort of a foreign concept to Western minds but it's pretty much the way it is.

This is what I want to you to do when reading the Bible, you probably do it with every other book except the Bible naturally, feel the emotion the author is bringing across. Now I don't mean get some fuzzy feeling, i mean be in awe, be sad, be struck by the compassion of Jesus. Let it penetrate you mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.

After reading these passages for a few hours over and over, processing it over and over again there is a sobering, somber feeling. The reason is because these two passages are essentially a warning. Jesus is exhorting the disciples to watchfulness and preparedness through an introspective understanding of ourselves/the things we may value above God. Are we doing what is right? What do we value? Specifically he says, "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it". But also very practically, this is warning against following false prophets/messiahs. The key illustration that was really perplexing but now makes sense was Jesus saying: "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather". A very dark, almost sinister illustration of what is happening and integral to the explanation of those "taken and left".

Matthew 24:15-28 explains that there will be false prophets, people calling themselves messiah, and rumors of messiah and people are going to fall for it. Jesus says: "So, if they say to you, 'Look, he is in the wilderness,' do not go out. If they say, 'Look, he is in the inner rooms,' do not believe it". Instead he likens his return to like lightning. Everyone will see it, they 'll hear it, it will be obvious: "For as the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man". Those who are fooled are following after death, they have put their hope and belief in nothing and therefore scavenge a corpse: "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather". It means destruction of the soul that they have brought upon themselves for whatever reason brought them out.

Jesus then likens this destruction to other examples in Matthew 24:36-44:
But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one left.Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

We already saw above what Jesus was concerned about, now we see when and what he likens the destruction of the end to, namely Noah and the flood. Everyone was living out their normal lives when the flood came, they weren't prepared. Remember, preparedness is a key theme. The return of Messiah will be the same way, people will not be prepared and won't realize until the flood, which is the return of messiah in the illustration, is upon them. And by that time what is the state of the person? "The flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man".

Now here is the question: Who is "taken" in the destruction? I would say that the text implies that those bound for destruction are taken. Why do we need to be watchful, prepared, or warned if those taken are believers? It would imply that we have to do something when the rapture happened, like hit the "Beam me up, Jesus!" button. Why must we "stay awake"? He answers with another illustration of a servant and master. We must be prepared, not because we are taken in a rapture, but because we are going to be accountable for what we have done with what God has given us, the kingdom work He placed before us. We must be diligent in our devotion in order that we are not caught up in the flood, the destruction that Messiah's return will herald.

The Luke passage says all this more concisely. Luke 17 the author is getting across that we as disciples need to get to the business of doing what ought to be done.
Luke 17:1-4: Jesus pretty much says stop sinning and don't make others sin or you are really screwed.
Luke 17 5-10: Disciples hear this and so "Oh crap, we need more faith if that's the case!" To which Jesus says in illustration form, "You have more than enough for the job, just do your duty. Doing what is right is not hard. Live your life for God not yourself".
Luke 17:11-19: See even a Samaritan leper, the most disgusting thing to the disciples does what is right without being told. Sort of a "in your face" by the author Luke.

This is the background for the passage we want to look at in Luke 17:22-37 which is very, very close to Matthew 24:15-28 whose point was following after false messiahs will condemn those to destruction.
And he said to the disciples, "The days are coming when you will desire to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it. And they will say to you, 'Look, there!' or 'Look, here!' Do not go out or follow them. For as the lightning flashes and lights up the sky from one side to the other, so will the Son of Man be in his day. But first he must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation. Just as it was in the days of Noah, so will it be in the days of the Son of Man. They were eating and drinking and marrying and being given in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise, just as it was in the days of Lot—they were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, but on the day when Lot went out from Sodom, fire and sulfur rained from heaven and destroyed them all— so will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed. On that day, let the one who is on the housetop, with his goods in the house, not come down to take them away, and likewise let the one who is in the field not turn back. Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it. I tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed. One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left." And they said to him, "Where, Lord?" He said to them, "Where the corpse is, there the vultures will gather."

The descriptions of Noah and introduction of Lot this time both serve to illustrate the same thing as the Matthew passage. The description of the peoples daily lives reminds me of the folly described in Judges where "everyone did what was right in their own eyes". Previously in the chapter, the author has repeated that following God, obeying, doing what is right are what's important but the people described in the Noah/Lot illustration seem to be going through the motions of life without acknowledging God. They were destroyed and... "So will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed". Once again this is a warning. Do not forsake God, let nothing take his place because the consequences are dire: "Let the one who is on the housetop, with his goods in the house, not come down to take them away, and likewise let the one who is in the field not turn back. Remember Lot’s wife". Lot's wife turned back longing for the life she was leaving and she died because of it. Is this all coming together for everyone?

Finally: "'I tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed. One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left.' And they said to him, 'Where, Lord?' He said to them, 'Where the corpse is, there the vultures will gather'". If this is about the "rapture of the saints" it is painting a worse picture than any tribulation. From Matthew, we already saw the terribleness of the "corpse/vulture" illustration and now Luke and placed it in direct result of the "taken" passage. If you want to believe that this is teaching that Christians are taken away and the others are left for destruction, you can but it is certainly not what the plain meaning of this passage is pointing to. I asked you to feel for a reason, that reason is because these passages tingle with cold desperation not triumphant escape.

If I just used my brain I may be able to convince myself as some do, that the final illustration is a good thing. The word used for "corpse" in Matthew meant just corpse but here the greek word soma is used which can also mean "body". The word for vultures can also mean "eagles". And so people say: "See! We are taken where? We fly up on wings like eagles around the body of Jesus! Hallelujah". That interpretation goes against any feeling in this passage. It goes against it as a warning, as a call to doing the work of God until the master returns. Instead, we are wisked away from the work of the master in order to sit around until Jesus really comes back. Where is that in this passage? It is no where.

These passages are sobering reminders of the cost of being a disciple but also the overwhelming result for those who are not or are riding the fence saying they follow Jesus but when the rubber meets the road their lives tell a different story. Messiah's return is like a flood and in a flood you are either above the flood waters or you are taken away ("seized"is also a translation for the Greek word used for "taken"). Seized by what? What will cause you to turn back? Pride, possessions, friends, work? They are all called "corpses" that you cling to like a vulture to a dead animal, sucking away the last bits of marrow.

I don't know about you but the last thing I want is to be "taken" as these passages talk about.

All Gone / The Spider Cavern Revisited

2008-06-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

I know not many of you have an Xbox 360. You should, then we could play together over Xbox Live. Oh well. I recently signed back up for Xbox Live after a free subscription ran out long ago. I wanted to sign back up to keep in touch with friends back in LA.

All 360 games come with a list of "achievements" for the player to beat in the game. Some you automatically get as you progress through the game, others are hidden. Sometimes they are quite tough, other times they are just pointless and time consuming. I usually bypass those because they take very little skill, just time. I had amassed something like 7000 gamer points, which isn't bad. These are saved on a profile in the box called a "gamer tag".

When I signed back up it retrieved the game tag I had when I last played on Xbox Live. I figured it would just update the old one... nope! All my achievements are gone, actually they are back at 650. And it looks like all my saved stuff is gone too, although it is on the console I can't figure out if I can get the saves back.

I know most of you are saying, "It's just video games." Well it's important to me. So, bite me.

While we're talking about games, The Eric brought to my attention the new Diablo 3.
Eric, Jeff, and I played a lot of Diablo 2. Perhaps one of the most memorable moments between Jeff and I happened while playing that game: The Spider Cavern Incident. I may as well tell it. I've nothing better to do.

(If you don't know what a word is click it because I'm not going to type it all out for you "noobs") The Diablo series is a "dungeon crawler". The 3 of us were playing and Jeff and Eric decided to go into a particular dungeon ahead of me, a dungeon known as "The Spider Cavern". We ventured there to get Khalim's Eye for that old pervert Deckard Cain. Now, they should have waited for me because I was playing my Barbarian who is the classic "tank". Instead Jeff goes charging in with his Paladin and he and Eric are almost instantly destroyed. They respawn and again instantly dead. I see this and I decide maybe I shouldn't go in because everytime you die you lose experience points and when your lvl 80 it takes hours of playing to attain a new level. Everytime you die it's like erasing 5 hours of playing. Meanwhile Jeff has died like 5 times and is screaming at me to get in there. Watching the instant death made me feel like my tank of a barbarian wouldn't make it either. Finally, after many more deaths and a slew of expletives directed toward me: "I'm losing so much cupcake experience! Get the cupcake in there! What the cupcake! Cupcake!". I finally went in and killed all the offending spiders with a barely a scratch to show for it: "Oh I guess it wasn't that bad after all". I have never witnessed Jeff so angry in the tenure of our friendship. It was great. Then Blizzard released the 1.10 patch and made my Barbarian useless. I never used him aain after that, thanks Blizz.

World Of Warcraft sucks.

The Rapture Is A Lie

2008-06-29T22:20:00.001-07:00

I am writing this not to put people down, but rather to highlight the frightening lack of intellectualism among Christians. For some, the idea that little rational thought and Christianity often go hand in hand is like commenting that the sky s blue. While I do not feel the same about the detractors, they will look on these ramblings as a bit of silliness. It is my job, literally, to mature Christians in their study of the Bible, and in this I will attempt to do so.

Here is a normal conversation I have with someone:
The topic of rapture somehow comes up. Usually I'm being told how to teach something.
Me - "Yea, I don't believe in a rapture."
Dude - *Blank Stare* "... Don't you read the Bible?"
Me - "Yea. Do you?"
Dude - "Yes, but I guess I take the Bible literally."
Me - "I see. So where does the Bible, literally, talk about a rapture?"
Dude - "Ummm..."
Me - "Why don't you go look it up and we'll talk about it next week."

This is not an uncommon response when it comes to most topics, and in all fairness they don't really need to know it off the top of their head. The hope is that they are going to attempt to rigorously defend a position, that they have given it at least a cursory study. If a person has been spoon fed these ideas and told they are necessary to be a Christian, I will usually start off with a history lesson.

Most people are rather shocked when I tell them that the idea of a rapture is a fairly new innovation, being traced back to the 1830's. (Btw, when you're dealing in thousands of years of tradition, 180 years is considered "new".) The idea started in Britain, where it grew in prominence due to the life and work of John Darby. It is unknown whether Darby really came up with the idea himself. There is evidence that suggests it started with a 15 year old girl in Scotland, Margaret MacDonald, who had a vision of a 2-stage return of Jesus during a Benny Hinn style healing craziness. Darby took this idea and expanded on it when he joined up with the group called the "Plymouth Bretheren". Darby was a hit with these kids and he began teaching a "rapture of the saints" to precede Jesus' return.

While all of this was well and good, we really have the Scofield Reference Bible to thank for our predicament. In 1909, the Scofield Bible began printing and would become the weapon of choice to beat unsuspecting unbelievers over the head, especially during the conception and rise of the "Fundamentalists". And wouldn't you know, rapture was right there in the footnotes telling everyone how and what they ought to believe. (WARNING: DO NOT READ THE STUDY BIBLE FOOTNOTES. ATTEMPT TO THINK FOR YOURSELF) Thank goodness for footnotes! It is from this sordid background that we find the ignoble history of the rapture.

Usually a history lesson isn't quite good enough to cause people to relenquish their death grip on the rapture. I continue the teaching lesson by setting out for the king of supposed rapture prooftexts: 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17.
For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

Every person who I have said, "Why don't you go look it up and we'll talk about it next week" has come back to me with this passage. To be honest, there are other passages people will attempt to bring up but they all share one very significant similarity.

All supposed rapture proof texts are arguments from silence.

Anyway, back to those Thessalonians. Is that passage talking about rapture? No. Is it really concerned with end times at all? Not really. The people are concerned because their fellow Christians have died and everyone thought Jesus would return before anyone died. The point Paul is trying to make is that whether alive or dead, neither is better than the other because all go together to be with Jesus. But we go to meet Jesus in the "air"... huh? That's where Jesus went, if he had gone to Chicago it would say they meet him in Chicago. But we're going to be among the "clouds"... huh? Sure. Are the clouds heaven? Do we stay in the clouds? There are more quesions than answers if you take this to be a rapture text. Not to mention the whole "meet" word in the Greek was the same word used to describe a dignitary who came from a far away land to your country. You then sent men to meet the coming dignitary before they reached your city. What happened next? Did they stay out there? No. Did they go back with the dignitary? No. They escorted the dignitary back to their city. If anything this passage is directly contradicting anything rapture related.

I know there are more passages. Eric and I were talking about this a while ago and he asked me about the Thessalonians passage and what I said about it goes for most rapture proof-texts: If you didn't already have an understanding of what rapture is, would you make the connection that this is teaching Jesus will come to earth, take christians to heaven as a sort of holding tank, then wait around and come back (btw how do you wait around outside of time)? Ridiculous.

My Rock'N'Roll Lifestyle

2008-06-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

Rachelle comes home from work and asks what I did today. The answer has been the same the last couple weeks: Watching the Euro Cup in HD and reading. It's been pretty great.

When we decided to move, I didn't want to get any cable or direct tv. Rachelle did though, and I understand that she likes to relax after a long day of work by watching some of her favorite shows. I certainly didn't want to get Tivo, not because I don't like them per se, but because I don't want any machine that helps me watch more TV than I already do. But I have to say that I really have been enjoying the HD channels I never had before for 2 reasons. They look amazing, I can't even tell I'm watching TV instead of a dvd. And there are only about 15 channels; if there aren't anything on those channels I just turn it off. It's great.

The best has been the Euro Cup. You can see the blades of grass on the pitch. Looking forward to the final match between Germany and Spain this Sunday.

Like I said, the only other thing I've really been doing is reading. That's been great too just because my reading has always been forced due to school. Now I get to read what I want to or books I feel would be more helpful in my immediate work.

I recently finished this book, which was very helpful in framing my goals and intentions when I get into my hospital chaplaincy work. Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in the field of thanatology and the insights she presents are invaluable. I think the most powerful lesson I took from this book was how to talk to children about death. She makes the point that when death is explained to a child either "sleep" is used as an example causing children to believe they will return, or parents simply say "they went to be with Jesus" and how many children view that as a non-answer parents are prone to give, such as "because I said so". Kubler-Ross uses "symbolic language" to honestly deal with the situation and answer the questions they may have.

I think Jeff probably read this once a year when we were in college, maybe more. I had always wanted to give it a whirl and finally I had the time. I enjoyed it. Read it in just a day and a half. Despite it's futuristic bent/alien war themes it really wasn't as science fiction-y as I thought it would be. More of a war/psychology story set in the future. I did like how Card flushed out the Peter and Valentine characters more. I thought they were only going to be used in the beginning to contrast with Ender but they ended up having a larger role than simply that.

The sequel to Ender's Game, the two have very little in common other than a changed Ender who was praised in the first book as a hero is now considered a mass murderer. Now Ender must save a new alien species and give a new beginning to the one he destroyed. I thought it was pretty good. I didn't read it as fast as the previous but it still kept my attention. I may continue reading the rest of the series at some point, but for now I have moved on to other fare.

So yea, this is what I do right now. Oh and think heretical thoughts. They're revolving around inerrancy at the moment.

Incoming Threadless

2008-06-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

My first San Diego shipment of Threadless shirts are on the way.

Jonah And The Technicolor Whale

The LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights. From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry."

This shirt is great. Great whimsical use of the color, almost like the sinews of the whale are a rainbow masterpiece. The whale's mouth and eye look straight out of the 70's with a huge grin after swallowing up the little Hebrew. Everything's better in technicolor.

Spiritual Symphony Fin

I have to say, I thought a little while on this one. Not whether I liked it or not, but how people might react to it. Jesus and Moses back to back on dueling guitars, Buddah blissfully playing his "Kasio", and Ganesh rockin' a 3 arm and 1 trunk drum solo. Some people will look at this and see syncretism. I look at it and see the world as it is, with many different faiths. And while I may not believe in all of them, they make up the cultural and spiritual landscape of the people I come in contact with everyday. And through that I understand my fellow man a little more.

Deforestation

One of the things I have always disagreed with "artsy" people about is that we find our own meaning in the art itself. Bollocks, I say. The only time we find our own meaning is when the author/artist isn't there to tell us what their original thought was. And if they have no original thought, then it isn't very good at all because there is no message to begin with.

I thought I would take the incorrect artists up on their pursuit of no meaning and I gave this a different meaning than was intended. The artist sees this as a sad state of the environment, with rainforests being destroyed everyday. I say that's looking at the glass half empty. I see this and I say, "There is still so many trees for us to cut down!" Soon the world will be one beautiful gray slab of concrete, especially Oregon. That's right Jeff, they're all going down.

Funkalicious

Once my dream of no more trees is realized (and it will be realized), we will all be forced to wear suits pumping pure oxygen. The excess of oxygen will cause us to see mystical technicolor shadows following us around. It will be beautiful and funky. Who wouldn't want to destroy all the trees for that?

The End Of May

2008-06-03T18:15:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a flurry of activity.

Rachelle graduated with her Masters of Science in Nursing.

She will now be rockin' the NICU of Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women as the Clinical Nurse Specialist.

I graduated with my Masters of Divinity. I will now be rockin' the trophy husband lifestyle full-time!

Actually, I just heard back from the chaplains at Rady Children's Hospital and they offered me the internship over there. I have no idea how that happened but I'm excited nonetheless. Rachelle's hospital and this one are about 20 yards away from each other. Awesomeness.

I spoke one last time at the Wacc High School service. There wasn't as many people as normal due to the holiday weekend, but it was still great to see everyone I did. If you are so inclined, you may listen here.

The movers came, hauled away all our stuff and then had to lug it up two flights of stairs to our new apartment. The whole process plus driving took about 12 hours. Hiring those movers was some of the best money I have ever spent! If it hadn't been for them, Eric and I would have been moving most the stuff and then, I daresay, he and I wouldn't be friends anymore. Not sure about Eric, but I would hate any person who asked me to willingly go through what they did.

Had the pleasure of meeting my first neighbor during the move. She announced her "welcome" with repeated honkings. The moving truck had partially blocked her garage and she sat behind it wailing on the horn, driving around the lot, and then honking some more. When the mover asked if he could guide her in, she refused because she had to "drive straight in". I then introduced myself as her new neighbor and tried to shake her hand, which she eyed warily not wanting to touch me. I asked if it were at all possible for her to park in the myriad of spots a mere 2 feet away, alas that was too much to ask. We moved the truck so she could drive "straight in" to avoid her calling the rental office because they would "make you move". A fine woman.

Boxes are being unpacked, but still much to do.

Free Rice

2008-05-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

Want to donate hundreds, thousands, or millions of grains of rice to needy people around the world without paying a cent? Free Rice is a nonprofit site devoted to giving rice to those in need and all you have to do is brush up on your vocabulary. So far I have donated over 2000 grains and have a vocab high score of 40. Make sure to go to the options tab of the site to save your progress and play everyday!

Ain't No Michael Jackson

2008-04-19T00:31:00.000-07:00

We had an event tonight where we introduce incoming Freshman to the High School Ministry. It works like a progressive dinner with each class being represented at a different house. I was manning the Junior house. The new Freshman came, we beat on some pinatas, and then they took off for the next house and left us to clean up the paper mache entrails. Then we went inside and played Super Smash Bros. Brawl until nearly 11pm.

Here's the question: When does it get weird? I am a decade older than these guys. Under normal circumstances, if a 26 year old man was hanging out until late into the night playing video games with High Schoolers... most definitely sketchy. But due to my work and relationship with these guys, it makes it acceptable. But for how long? I have always thought this comparing my age to the students, but thinking about it now it seems better to compare my age to the parents. I guess when you start creeping up on the same age as the parents, you're treading on some fairly weird ground.

Do Work!

2008-04-18T00:38:00.000-07:00

I know I was feeling down last night when I wrote my blog. I definitely didn't feel like I did my best work yesterday. Nights like that make me question what the heck I'm doing. As I was thinking about it today, I believe I have fallen into a trap. For some reason, I have this idea that it all should come easy. One small set-back and I'm doubting everything I've been preparing for the last 8 years. Is that lame or what?

I want my work to be challenging and fulfilling. I don't care if that means it might not be easy. So, today I pondered the words of a modern day philosopher: Big Black.

If you know Big Black you know one of his favorite phrases is: "Do work". I have been inspired by these words. Inspired by how no matter how wacky the work that needs to be done is, he still finds a way to make it happen. I want to do whatever it takes to get it done and do my best. Yea, it won't always be the greatest thing ever but I'm going to give it a shot. Next Wednesday is coming soon...

DO WORK SON!!!

Still Looking For The Square Hole

2008-04-17T02:01:00.000-07:00

I have grown to respect pastors who preach week in and week out. I have had to preach the last 10 weeks in a row and it has solidified in my mind how it is not for me. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy teaching and I have become much better over the last 4 years. Rather it is the knowledge that next week is quickly approaching and whether or not I feel like what I have to say will be the least bit edifying, I must preach nonetheless. This is what I feel like my soul cannot abide. A sneaking feeling that I have and will produce mediocre work because I'm really not feeling what I am supposed to be teaching on. If I don't feel like it is going to make much of a difference in my students lives, or that the material is particularly relevant at the time, then I feel like my heart is not in it. And when my heart is not in it, I see a marked difference in my teaching. So what do I do? Fake it? Even if I could, which I can't, I wouldn't want to.

I have to say, I am really disheartened by the whole thing. Even though I knew this about myself before I began; that preaching every week or being a senior pastor was something I never aspired to do. I'm not a preacher, I never have been. It's more something that has been placed on me because of my position and education. While I don't mind doing it every once in a while, it will always be another man's shoes on my feet. I guess the question is: What is it that I ought to be doing?

"Jack of all trades, master of none, though ofttimes better than master of one." This quote, in it's entirety, is pretty much how I feel all of the time. I feel like the devotion of myself to one, and only one thing, is a waste of time. The problem is that I have yet to find a position anywhere for: teacher, preacher, chaplain, graphic artist, zookeeper, writer, and all the other things I want to learn. I know what the square peg feels like as the world tries to hammer it into the round hole.

Kanpai!

2008-04-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

God bless the people of Japan. I just got done talking about how I dislike tv shows, but the Japanese never cease to impress. A staple of Japanese TV are the "prank shows". Thanks to Chad for inspiring me.

I nearly died laughing watching this one.

Never trust your friend that unexpectedly stick you in a taxi and tell you to wear a helmet.

To quote The Simpsons: "Our game shows are a little different from yours. Yours reward knowledge we punish ignorance! Our categories are: Ow That Hurts, Why Are You Doing This To Me, Please Let Me Die."

A Foul Creation

2008-04-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

People who know me, know that I watch very little television. I really hate tv shows. I don't know of anything that has had more of a debilitating effect on humanity than our devout worship of the people in the box. We wake up with with the perky morning show people. The only thing worse are the people who stand outside their studios with signs for a chance to be caught on tape. Follow that up with the never ending estrogen power hour of celebrity chick interviewers. Dozens of shows, each with five of their own spin-offs. No more names anymore, just initials. It's all just bad. TV Guide has a list of the 50 worst tv shows of all time. The worst part is that the number 1, The Jerry Springer Show, is still on the air!

Having said all that, there remains a few gems that keep me from canceling my Direct TV subscription. In no particular order:

The Venture Brothers
Funny, clever, great characters and great voice talent. It's really the only show I look forward to the new season starting. I give you the first episode of the 2nd season with the best opening of all time care of Aquagen's "Everybody's Free".

Ninja Warrior
Ok yes I do love all things Japanese and their tv shows are no different. I love how contestants and audience get so into it. Ninja Warrior isn't just a reason to be on tv, it's a way of life for many of the people who frequent the show.

Flight Of The Concords
Their music videos are really where it's at.

Metalocalypse
The show follows death metal band Dethklok and their search for all things brutal. In this first episode, the boys make a metal coffee jingle and then spend most of the episode at the grocery store and try to figure out how to cook.

Rob & Big
Becky kept telling me that I needed to check this show out. It's on MTV, which automatically made me set off my "crap meter", but I thought I would give it a shot. It really is funny. It's just the skater Rob Dyrdek and his bodyguard/best friend Big Black hanging out and having fun.

Proof Of Awesome

2008-03-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

I got some new Threadless shirts and their new packaging says, "You're awesome and this package is proof". If that wasn't good enough, Threadless is now printing all their new designs on their own brand of soft shirts. They just keep getting better and better.

Now That's Dope
Rachelle makes fun of me because of the vocabulary I have picked up from working with High School students. One of the more prolific words that we use is "dope". Two war veterans kickin' back with the gramophone, listening to some dope tunes. Sounds nice.

One Handprint Of Nature
I liked this design's depiction of the interconnectedness of humanity and nature. It's such a simple concept and execution. It's one of those designs I see and say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Goliath
I don't know why I like this one so much, maybe it's the sneakers. Also, is it a coincidence that this was printed at the same time that The Mars Volta's new album "The Bedlam In Goliath" came out? I don't think so. Here they are at the Troubador... sadly I wasn't there.

Secrets Of Mensa
Finally a shirt to help me fake it. Now if only I could actually grow a beard.

Happy End
Poor King Kong. I never really understood why he was so enamored with the puny blonde woman. When you're that size you don't get a lot of options when it comes to the ladies. A gigantic French babe? He could do worse.

Aesthetic Truculency
Justice.

It's Always Midnight Somewhere
This is probably my favorite of the new purchases. The design was submitted as part of a contest with the theme of "Midnight Movie". It's a mashup of the old school wolfman thrillers and the classic film "Casablanca" with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in their signature pose. It's beautiful.

San Diego Bound

2008-03-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I will be moving to San Diego at the end of May.

I know what some of you are thinking, "Where did this come from?". Well, it's actually been in process for about 5 months. Back in October, Rachelle contacted Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women about a job opening in the NICU for a Clinical Nurse Specialist. Early this year she went in for an interview, spoke with the Nurse Manager, and saw the unit. After a glowing recommendation from Rachelle's friend and CNS mentor over at UCI Medical Center, she was called to come in for a second interview. The interview lasted all day long. She was questioned by six different panels of doctors, nurses, CNSs, administration, etc., after which she was told that they would inform her of their decision by the end of the week. Of course, they offered her the job and after a very difficult week of deliberation she decided to take it. I think it is a great opportunity for Rachelle. This unit is much larger than the one at her current hospital, it's a much more academic setting, and, I believe, it will challenge her to do so much more with her talents.

What will I be doing? No idea.

San Diego Zoo?? *shrugs*

8-Bit Thinking

2008-02-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

For years the gaming industry has sat on a gold mine, with what appeared to be no idea who their audience was or is. They had fallen into the belief, one held by so many people, that video games are for children and teens. I don't know how this came to be, or how it even makes sense. More games are released with a rating of "mature", ages 17+, than ever before. These games are for adults and yet they have historically been marketed so poorly that you had to do research to know when a game was coming out and whether it would be worth the buy, having never seen a commercial for it. It's 8-bit thinking. When Nintendo and the Famicom were the pinnacle of gaming the games were, frankly, ugly. Don't get me wrong, the games were great and I still play them but how do you advertise Donkey Kong? Show a picture of the screen with our favorite plumber running back and forth? Not exactly great advertising material. By the time the consoles had become established, the gaming community had become so niche that advertising seemed to go the way of the dinosaur, except around Christmas. But it seems to be changing.

What does it take to see a change? Money. 8-bit thinking went away as soon as people who played those 4, 8, 16, 24, 64-bit games got a real job and started spending their hard earned cash on what they always loved, video games. Gaming is big buisness. Last year Vivendi and Ubisoft combined to become the second largest gaming behemoth behind Electronic Arts. Over 10 million people subscribe for $15 a month to Blizzard Entertainment's "World of Warcraft" (Blizzard by the way is owned by parent company Vivendi). Projections show the game industry soon beating out even the motion picture studios. And with all this capital comes better, sorry ACTUAL, advertising.

The change has been coming for a while but I realized how effective it could be when I first saw the trailer for Gear Of War using the Gary Jules' cover of Tears For Fears' "Mad World".

I read reviews from teens saying how terrible the commercial was... the fools. This commercial was not made for you. In order to get everything out of this advertisement you need to love the 80's new wave band Tears For Fears. But they use the Gary Jules version which is from what has become a cult classic "Donnie Darko". Not to mention that the cinematic is gorgeous. All these add up to ADULTS who want to buy this game. The first time I saw it on TV I was in awe.

And now that they understand, "Oh yea, let's combine these amazing games with frickin great music and sell them like the pieces of gold that they are!" it's a snow ball effect. I saw this yesterday.

I read on the forums, "I don't get this song for the trailer". Holy crap man they're playing "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane! They could be selling me cancer and I would buy it. I'd buy because it's amazing how far we've come. I would have never thought we'd see good advertising for good games using amazing rock music. I'm bemused by all it's glory. We will use all of this to solidify our numbers and then the nerds will overthrow their oppressors and the war will begin. Join us now or be assimilated later. Resistence is futile.

OGame

2008-01-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

I started playing a free browser mmo called OGame. It's your standard planets, resources, fleets of ships, attacking, defending, etc. Best of all it's free. If you want to sign up, we're playing in Universe 31. Within these universes there are Alliances that may be at war, may be available to trade goods, or to have the back of a friend who has 50 Deathstars headed their way. Our Alliance has decided to revamp it's name and look and here are some suggestions I have come up with. This may not be all of them because I have more in my head but time is always a factor. To my fellow Alliance members who are here to check them out, welcome!

1. Space Banditos

The name "Space Banditos" is from an episode of Futurama where the crew is guarding a single atom of Jumbonium. When the atom is stolen Leela asks,
"Did you hear maracas?"
"No."
"Then it wasn't Space Banditos."
The image is from Coelasquid. Typeface: Bleeding Cowboys

2. Galactic Cattle Rustlers

The name for this one I came up with myself. I mean think about it, years in the future when the cow has become nearly extinct people will be willing to pay anything for a good burger. Cattle rustling sees a new upsurge as one alliance attempts to hold the universe's meat supply within it's grasp.
Then I found the image from Bergam. Typeface: Nashville

3. Initech

This is obviously from the classic Mike Judge movie "Office Space". This picture I composed myself. The Initech logo, and all that I could find, was rather low quality. Too low to have in the forefront without it being so glaringly pixelated. In order to fix that I decided to make it like a water marked legal pad given out to Initech employees. Michael Bolton has left Peter a note about getting the memo letting all employees know that cover sheets need to be on the new TPS Reports. Lumbergh, the Division VP, gently breaks the ice before having Peter work the weekend. Finally, Peter himself writes to himself the companies motivational slogan before changing it to what he feels is a more adequate question. The coffee stain ring shows how he has hidden it from his 8 bosses along with the CDEF virus that he and his friends would later inflict on the payroll department.
Typefaces: Bring Tha Noize, SF Burlington Script, Journal

4. Monkey With A Gun

Steve wanted something funny and different. So I thought what about "monkeys with handguns". It's funny and dangerous on many levels, I mean who knows what would happen if monkeys everywhere were armed. Spider Monkeys brandishing weapons in each hand, foot, as well as tail. I don't know about you but any creature able to hold you up with 5 guns is worthy of fear and respect. As I thought about the name more it solidified into "Monkey With A Gun". I googled up an image and behold the cold blooded chimp assassin.
Typeface: You Are Loved

5. Bored Ornithologists for the Ongoing Blue-foot Interplanetary Eradication Society

Yes, we are all a bit childish sometimes even me. Each Alliance is also given a "tag" which is just an abbreviation from you name. We would be known throughout the universe as the B.O.O.B.I.E.S whose sole purpose was to wipe the Blue-footed Booby out of existence. Little did we know that when space travel became widely accessible that the Blue-foot would sneak into cargo containers, weapons crates, etc. bound for the farthest reaches of the universe. Soon the Blue-foot was a menace, devouring the natural resources of once great planets. Our preferred method of destruction is to park a couple million miles away from a black hole open the bay doors and let them be sucked into a quantum singularity. Now that's a job well done.
Typeface: Victor

That's all I have at the moment. I may have more later when I have the time.

Welcome To The Machine

2008-01-15T01:26:00.000-08:00

Rube Goldberg machines are cool, especially ones with little Japanese girls singing.

I Really Do Love Video Games

2008-01-10T02:08:00.000-08:00

I very nearly soiled myself...

Actually what I was saying to myself was, "If this is PS3 only, I'm getting one". Don't worry Rachelle, it's coming out on Xbox 360 too.

For Jeff

2007-12-23T23:31:00.001-08:00

This one I made.

The one below I found on deviantART and couldn't pass it up. It's a bit on the anime side but still amazingly close to how I would picture Calvin and Hobbes in real life. The illustration is by '*spacecoyote'. Go to her deviantART page here!

High School Calendar

2007-12-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

The Wacc High School calendar for the next 6 months. The background is an iStock image. The tree was gleaned from an image I found, masked and tinted. We printed them in color on 11x17 paper for all the High Schoolers and extra, about 450. The main typeface is 'Roman Antique', the months are 'Ellianarelle's Path', and the events are a large variety. The back has a detailed description of all events.

Click it for a larger image.

Let me know what you think.

Done.

2007-12-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

So, I'm done with school... forever.

Yes, pretty anticlimactic for me as well. I actually finished last week but I havn't written anything because I was unsure how I felt about it. Rachelle finished her Masters degree as well and we both don't really know what to do with ourselves right now. We had Jeff staying with us (I ought to do a proper blog about that later) but now he is gone as well.

It's just the two of us... without deadlines. Needless to say, it's a very confusing time.

There has been a lot of sleeping on the couch. Perhaps I ought to say there has been EVEN MORE sleeping on the couch. I begin to play a video game and I have a nagging suspicion that I ought to be studying Greek or writing some paper. But I don't and there is no paper. For 8 years I have had the sword of Damocles hanging over my head and now the banquet is over, I can leave. But I don't leave, I remain sitting under the sword because the seat that I once cursed has become all I know. I'm sure in time this will pass.

While I hope the feeling subsides, I hope I never want to stop learning. I recently took a strength finder test from this book and one of my top 5 strengths was "learning". Crazy I know. I already have a list of things to study that I want to learn:

1. Piano Lessons - Rachelle's aunt is going to teach me. I started taking lessons from her a couple years ago but I never had the time or piano to practice on. Now I have the time and she is going to let me use her piano because she wants to get it out of her house. Fine by me.

2. Graphic/Web Design Class - I have been doing a lot more design at work and I wanted to audit some classes in it. The problem is that all that is offered in the Spring are the second semester of the classes, so I have to wait until Fall to get in Design 1. I could just try these, but I would like to know what everyone is talking about.

3. Creative Writing Class - Once again all second semester courses or scheduled in the middle of the day when I will be working.

4. Book - Yea, as in write one. Jeff and Elaine think I ought to write a Systematic Theology book. A more cynical, less haughty, and actually useful one. Not sure if I have the gumption for something of that magnitude. I have been thinking of something more akin to a practical commentary/preaching book. I need to get all my heretical thoughts down on paper for all the world to see.

I'd write more but I need to go to work. Shadow hide you.

The Cult of Academia

2007-10-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

It was funny. I was working on a research paper for my Greek class today, so I spent a fair amount of time at the library. Actually, the nice thing about research nowadays is that I can do a good 75% of it from the comfort of my own home thanks to the fact that more articles and books are being placed online digitally. But there will always be those reference books that you can't bring yourself to buy because of the exorbitant price but are always really useful. TDNT is one of those books.

Theologisches Wörterbuch zum Neuen Testament or Theological Dictionary of the New Testament for those who don't spreken. I needed to consult one of the nine volumes in order to get a better understanding of "mustard" in the Ancient Near East. Yup, mustard. I found what I needed and closing up the book I saw the check-out card in the front cover. We no longer use the stamped cards but many books still have them inside, perhaps as a monument to Melvin Dewey and his decimal system that has plagued youth for years. One entry caught my eye in particular.

One A. Hultberg had checked out the book on May 27, 1988. The reason it caught my eye is because Dr. Alan Hultberg is an Assistant Professor of Bible Exposition & New Testament at Talbot. As I sat there looking at the card, it dawned on me that Dr. Hultberg had been studying this very text as he too was close to finishing his M.Div at Talbot nearly 20 years ago. Many times its hard to imagine your professors being in your place, sitting in your seat in a class full of students. You wonder which student they were, because only 2 kinds make it in the PhD world: brilliant or hard-working. I'd give hard-working the upper hand any day.

Have I ever said I've thought about Doctorate work before? Problem is, I'm neither of my two prerequisites.

The Love Of Wisdom

2007-10-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

I have a Philosophy test tomorrow. I decided to take a break and share a little video that some might enjoy and others will surely hate.

As I think about my test, a quote comes to mind.

"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die and you to live. Which is the better, only God knows." - Socrates

My Spaceship Knows Which Way To Go

2007-09-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

The semester is in full swing now, hence the lack of posts the last 10 days. Instead of writing to you, I was writing up a Greek assignment for Mark 1:1-13 that took around 15 hours to complete. Keep in mind, this is not a major assignment. One of these bad boys is due each week. I plan on spending the majority of tomorrow holed up in the library working on this weeks as well as getting ready to teach on Sunday.

There has actually been a lot going on. Many big changes could be around the corner. I find myself currently waiting on others in order to be able to make those decisions. That's the worst part. I will no doubt allude to them in some later posts.

Awe Inspired Silence

2007-09-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

As if the world needed another reason to love Cadbury and their delicious chocolate, they went out and did this...

I was literally speechless with delight.

Malawi

2007-09-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

I got kind of sidetracked last night while writing the "Blitzfest Malawi" post because Rachelle and I were watching Friends. There were some other things that I wanted to add and then I just forgot.

There are many questions that have to be answered before you can even start to help people in need.

How do you choose where to begin your work? Is the organization that you are going through credible? What percentage of the money you raise will go directly to the people you are trying to help? There are people all over the world in need, which makes the task seem daunting. We will be partnering with a group called Y Malawi? The reason that the High School Ministry chose to work n Malawi was because of a bond previously made through our church.

The sad truth is that over 4,000 children die everyday from preventable illnesses. In order to do our part to help in this crisis, our church partnered with African Bible College and in particular the ABC Community Clinic in Lilongwe, Malawi. This clinic sees 3,000 people every month, many of which are infected with the AIDS virus. The clinic wanted to build a pediatric ward to help with the growing number of children they were seeing but did not have the funds. We were told a few months before Christmas that it would cost $300k to build the new ward. Slightly disheartened by the sum that we wanted to raise by the end of the year, we moved forward anyway in an effort to prepare the congregation and push for what seemed impossible in the time we had. On Christmas day we took our Malawi offering, unsure what would happen as Bill asked for a miracle from the pulpit.

Part of the etymology of the word miracle is "to smile", which sounds funny at first but just makes sense when you think about it. That Christmas day we raised just over a half a million dollars, $568, 979.15 for you sticklers out there. Checks have been sent and construction has begun on a 40 bed pediatric ward as well as building a house for a new doctor that they are praying will join staff soon. Dr. Boersma runs the clinic in Malawi and you can visit his website or see a video about what they are doing here.

I often think about what is in store for Rachelle and I. Rachelle has talked about taking a leave from work to go into the mission field, I guess I could tag along with her. Nurses and teachers are needed in all kinds of communities and I'm sure we could go wherever we wanted to help. Right now we are trying to do our part from here, we just started sponsoring a little girl from, yup, Malawi through World Vision.

Maybe some day we'll be in Malawi too.

Blitzfest Malawi

2007-08-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

I've been working on a poster for our upcoming "Blitzfest Malawi" event for a while now and I'm finally fairly satisfied with it. Here it is:

For those who don't know, Blitzfest is a one of the largest events we at the High School Ministry put on each year. We pretty much take the entire month of September to get it all together while still doing the day to day stuff. Last year we had a student art show, an xbox tournament, rides, and 5 hardcore bands of which the headliner was A Static Lullaby. We usually get around 1,000 students at the event, many who have never stepped foot on the grounds of a church; which is the whole point of the night. This year though we have a bit different purpose.

All the proceeds of this years Blitzfest will be used to bring clean water to the people of Malawi, Africa. In developing countries around the world getting water is a daily struggle. Women and children spend 2/3 of their day walking miles to wells that dispense dirty, contaminated water and then walk the long road home with 40 pound jugs. Blitzfest is part of a larger project in which we will be raising $10,000 to build four wells for needy communities. These wells will serve hundreds of people a day with clean water and allow women/children to go to school rather than fetching water.

We're excited about the months ahead.

The Biola Years Vol. 4

2007-08-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

As I wrote previously, Stewart Hall had many traditions. They were also big supporters of "community life" and, when it came to the guys, "how to be men" meetings.

I was not a fan of either.

Looking back, I feel a bit bad for what we put our RD through... but then again he did bring a lot of it on himself. Our second year, the RD changed the name of our floor from "The Shire" to "MUNG". We were not pleased. At the beginning of the year, all of Stewart Hall participates in a Survivoresque meeting on the field at night with torches. Every floor was called to attention by their RA who would announce the name of the floor to resounding cheers of all those on that particular floor. It was a wonderful time, full of bonding, and then it got to... MUNG. When we were called upon there were no cheers or shouts, just a lone chinaman named Paul Mattews clapping at an interval of about one clap every 4 seconds and a few guys throwing "the horns". As we left the cult meeting, we passed by our RD who shouted at us, "Men of MUNG!". I figured he wanted a response of equal volume, so as I passed about 1 foot away from him I shouted, "WE'RE THE SHIRE!" and continued walking on. It was a night that would live in infamy.

Later in the semester there was one of the many "How To Be Men" meetings, or what I called "Real Men Spit And Growl" or "I Read Too Much John Eldredge" meeting, that was supposed to be mandatory for all guys. I think I'd take castration over becoming what they thought men ought to be like. It was my responsibility, my duty if you will, to keep The Shire safe. I was the elder and "Godfather" of the floor; believe it or not I was looked to for guidance. Papers were taped to all the doors advertising the upcoming meeting. When I saw the papers, I knew what must be done. When I walked outside my door I ripped the paper off, balled it up, and threw it on the ground right outside the door so that people would know there was disapproval and that they had not simply been brought inside. As I walked to class I stopped at each door and did the same for each of my brothers on the floor. Jeff would tell me later that when he came back after class, our RD was there beholding the carnage. Jeff stopped to watch him bend down, grab an advertisement that had been tossed by the wayside, turned to Jeff and asked, "Who would do such a thing?".

You think it would have been obvious.

More fun with the RD another time.

NYPL Digital Library

2007-08-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

I ran across this the other day while looking for inspiration with design projects.

The New York Public Library has digitized over 550,000 images in their possession including manuscripts, historical maps, vintage posters, rare prints, photographs and more. If you have the time, I suggest spending some time perusing the images.

The Biola Years Vol. 3

2007-08-26T14:05:00.000-07:00

Eric, Jeff and myself lived in a dorm called Stewart. Stewart was one of the older dorms and had many traditions; traditions that were forced upon unwitting students like myself that just wanted to be left alone. Under the pretense of “bonding”, many floors did things at the beginning of each year that were usually dumb or disgusting. The floor called “Lemonheads” would eat whole lemons, the floor HoM would chug milk and throw up, the dorm as a whole would participate in the “kilt run” where they ran around campus once a year in boxers.

I did none of these things, and I’m a better person for it.

My first year in Stewart was 2001, a watershed year in cinema as “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” was released. Our floor had been re-named “The Shire” in honor of it. The best way to describe our floor is to use a quote from Old Ben Kenobi, “The Shire: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious”. It was as if Biola had intentionally taken all the sarcastic, cynical, best people and hid them on our floor. We started some illegal poker nights, at least twice a week we’d be playing cards. Those nights would evolve into biannual no limit hold’em poker tournaments, with hundreds of dollars at stake. If we weren’t playing cards, we were in Hollywood going to Amoeba Records and Roscoe’s House of Chicken N Waffles. Or at the Troubador to see Hopesfall, Coheed And Cambria, From Autumn To Ashes, Thrice, any of a plethora of bands. And if we weren’t at any of those places, you would find us at our computers playing Starcraft and Diablo 2 for hours upon hours on end. Going to Taco Bell at 1am, buying 20 tacos and eating them all while watching “Shanghai Noon”… always “Shanghai Noon”. This was our bonding time, relationships that I still hold dear, made through the non-sanctioned events and practices of Biola. Homework was done somewhere in there too, I think.

More about Stewart tomorrow.

The Biola Years Vol. 2

2007-08-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

For some reason Jeff owned a rubber ball named Mr. Strawberry. It was the size of a normal dodge ball, red, a face painted on it, it’s named printed on the back, and it had a scent. The smell made you think the manufacturer had a picture of a strawberry and guessed what it must smell like, since he himself had never actually seen one in the flesh.

One night, Jeff and I watched one of the best movies ever made, “The Shawshank Redemption”. Afterward, Jeff decided to take a shower while I sat alone on the couch with Mr. Strawberry. As Jeff showered, I recalled a certain part of the movie where Andy Dufresne goes into the prison shower and is confronted by Bogs who, in an ever so nice way, let’s Andy know he plans to rape him. Inspired as I was, I grabbed Mr. Strawberry, went into the bathroom, and placed him above the shower door so his face was looking down at Jeff’s disgustingly naked body.

Then the callous Mr. Strawberry said to Jeff:
“Hey, anybody come at you yet? Anybody get to you yet? Hey, we all need friends in here. I could be a friend to you. Hard to get. I like that...”

By the end of the night Mr. Strawberry had been defaced. A bubble shot from his mouth with the words “I could be a friend to you” oozing out his horrible cheshire grin. On the back his name had now been changed to “Gay Mr. Strawberry” and below it Red’s quote stood etched as a reminder for all to see: “Bull queers take by force. It’s all they know or want”.

Sadly, Gay Mr. Strawberry would eventually find his demise one night while trying to force himself on Jeff. He got too close to Fenchurch, our stuffed puffer fish, and expired shortly after. He was soon replaced by Mr. Grape… but we were never the same.

The Biola Years Vol. 1

2007-08-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

I was thinking over my time at Biola University.

Those were simpler times. Now that I think about it, I realize now that I haven’t talked much about my years at Biola with anyone other than Rachelle and those who were friends at the time. We didn’t do any partying, drinking, or any of that stuff. We were more the cynical underbelly that dwelt just below the, often times, fake facade of Christianity.

When I say we, I mean Jeff Eckmann, myself, and the intrepid Eric Sorensen. So, I plan on starting to disclose certain tidbits from the past so that everyone can feel the joy and because it’s funny (at least to us it was). Thus begins a blog series…

Jeff and I knew each other only slightly when we became roommates. It was sort of awkward in the beginning. I think the thing that galvanized our friendship in those early stages was Trance. (I just lost bout half the readers I bet). Jeff explained Trance music to me and, to his surprise, I understood and enjoyed the music. He would go on to have the most spectacular catalog of electronic music at Biola, to which I contributed a bit. One day as we drove back to Biola from Best Buy, we saw a banner over a door that said “Free Trance”. We both did a double take, bemused at where this musical gold was, apparently, being given away to the public. The building in question was the auspicious “Taboo Gentleman’s Club”, where fine young women dance naked for money. We looked at each other, the question on our minds was obvious. But before it could be asked, a breeze caught the banner which had been hanging limply revealing a much needed “En”. Assuring the customers that there was “Free Entrance”, not the music stylings of Paul Van Dyk. We both laughed and then I asked Jeff the question that was on both our minds: “So, would you have gone in for free trance??” his response “Yes, yes I would have”.

It’s been 5 years since I lived with one Jeffery O’Brian Eckmann as an Undergrad at Biola University. I guess the nostalgia comes from the fact that very soon we will be roommates once again. Jeff has been offered an internship at the Aquarium Of The Pacific and if he takes it, then he will be staying with Rachelle and I for 15 weeks.

Pray for Rachelle.

Audiobooks

2007-08-24T00:20:00.000-07:00

While bouncing around the world wide web tonight I stumbled upon a website full of public domain audiobooks called LibriVox. I already downloaded Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice and Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland. They have quite a large catalog to choose from including: Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, Dante's Divine Comedy, Homer's The Odyssey, Melville's Moby Dick, and more.

Enjoy.

It's Strange...

2007-08-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I turned 26. Yes, one of those inconsequential birthdays that only mark the unstoppable progression toward... 30 *gulp*. The day came and went and I barely thought about it, unlike last year when I turned 25 and had a minor "quarter century crisis". That year I wrote what can only be called a treatise on my life with emphasis on ways not to make the same mistakes I did.

This year was a bit different. One thing that I did spend a while thinking about was how this year marks 10 years that I have known, dated, been engaged, and married to Rachelle. And that in a few short years we will have been together longer than we have been a part. That's pretty crazy to think about.

New Threadless Threads

2007-08-18T22:25:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I purchased anything from Threadless. Frankly, nothing had jumped out at me until recently. Here are some newer shirts that I couldn't pass up.

The Swirl Of The World I liked this one from the second I saw it. It's a complex design yet simple in it's execution. I love the tiny little submarine firing the tiny little torpedo!

Parable Paranoia
I love the olive color, the gold foiling around the border, and the fairytale theme. The picture is huge and on an American Apparel shirt. I was just reading that some people have said the image faded after wishing, which I hope won't be the case. I just washed it, I guess we'll see.

Poker Hand Values
When I wear this one around I look like I belong in the Queen Of Hearts' card army from Alice In Wonderland. I can't wait to wear it the next time I go play poker at the casino. This shirt probably grabs the most attention of any of my Threadless shirts. I actually caught a guy taking a picture of me on his camera phone as I sat in a waiting room. The image cover the entire shirt and is printed in a thick, puffy ink.

Go buy some shirts, and make sure to do it from my link so I get free credit!

Hume Lake

2007-08-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

I will be heading off to Hume Lake in a few hours with the High School group. This summer the theme is based around the Book of Daniel.... only with Vikings instead of Babylonians.

YAAAARAGGGHHHH!!! VIKINGS!!!

Wait, do Vikings say, "YAAAARAGGGHHHH!!!" or is that only Pirates? Whatever the case, Pirates, Ninjas, and Vikings agree... Cowboys suck.

See you in a week.

More Adobe

2007-07-19T02:20:00.001-07:00

As part of my ongoing trek into the uncharted waters of Adobe, I began to play around with Adobe Illustrator tonight. While the principles seem simple enough, I'm still far away from ever figuring out the finer details. Tonight I made Rachelle a flower. It's a vector flower but a flower all the same. Next she will want a vector bouquet.

I think I must have saved it improperly because when I tried to transfer it into Photoshop I didn't have much ability to mess with it.

I was, however, able to do this.

It's still a work in progress.

What I Do At Work

2007-07-17T01:38:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to have Photoshop on my computer but the price was way too steep. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on a copy of Adobe Creative Suite CS3, which can go for $1700, from work.

I thought I'd share some of the stuff I've been making at work as I learn how to use the software.

Go Read A Book

2007-06-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul. ~Franz Kafka

1/3 of high school graduates never read another book for the rest of their lives. Many do not even graduate from high school.

58% of the US adult population never reads another book after high school.

42% of college graduates never read another book.

80% of US families did not buy or read a book last year.

70% of US adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.

57% of new books are not read to completion.

Stats found at http://www.parapublishing.com

Advertising Helps Me Decide

2007-06-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

The Steve has a shirt that proudly explains "Advertising Helps Me Decide". Just how much does advertising influence us?

Viva La Computadora

2007-06-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

My beloved, my firstborn, died Friday night rather unexpectedly...

Yes, my 12" Powerbook decided to eat itself the other night. They say children are the image of their parents, and this case seems to prove it. Annoyingly, it decided to croak at pretty much the worst possible moment for me. Pretty much giving me the middle finger. You see, it decided to bite the dust as I was finishing up what I would be teaching on Sunday which meant that I had to retype a bunch of stuff on Saturday. I wasn't pleased. The culprit of this catastrophic system failure? According to the computer demigods, The Steve and The Eric, my video RAM and logic board are kaput. Most likely due to the high levels of heat that have been associated with the laptops. It used to get extremely hot during gaming, video editing, even just having Microsoft Word and iTunes open.

The sad thing was that it had just met it's new younger brother. Little Pan is new to our household and yet we love him so very much.

Let me introduce Panasonic's new 50" plasma TV displaying in 1080p. That right there is a little game we like to call Gears Of War which looks phenomenal in HD. I've also been playing Super Mario Bros. on it, in all of it's pixelated glory. The Koopa Troopas are like the size of my fist!

Rachelle and I are back to sharing a computer at the moment. Sometimes I browse the internet on the Wii but that Opera browser on there has been a bit buggy. Hopefully I will soon be posting about a replacement child in the near future.

I Welcome Our New Rulers

2007-06-18T00:59:00.001-07:00

Have you ever looked into the face of a god and said to yourself, "I think I could take'em!"? Perhaps I spin of the impossible. Not because there is no god, but rather because we have set them up so that it would be impossible; and therefore have already lost if we were ever put in a position where it would be essential to, to use the common vernacular, "bodog a god".

Let's set our sights lower then. Maybe not a "god" per se, perhaps a demigod. A man or woman with a fiery look about them that you knew was not of this earth. Certainly there was some sort of cosmic knocking of the boots that hewed them from their fleshy progenitors. Have you ever looked into the face of a demigod and said to yourself, "I think I could take'em!"? Of course you have. I don't believe there is a man, woman, or child on the planet who hasn't. The reason: handguns.

The 28th Amendment clearly states that, "Every citizen able, willing or not, to carry a handgun must do so in order to thwart the ever increasing threat of demigods aka 'freaks'". It is our moral and national obligation to send these sons and daughters of the pantheon back to Hades... with extreme prejudice. What? You say the complex loading mechanism is too difficult for your toddler to handle? If The Simpsons have taught us anything, it's that a piece of wood with a nail in it is sufficient to drive away an evil alien overlord. Even sharpening their beloved linkin logs into miniature stakes can be an effective tool.

Don't think of it as an obligation, it is though, rather think of it as a joyful expression of patriotism. Nothing says "God Bless America" like a decapitated Cupid at your feet. You may be thinking what I'm thinking. Whose going to clean up all this blood and the sheer volume of limbs strewn about? A recently discovered avian species, pigeonis giganticus, are being sailed into port. One Longshoreman was quoted to have said, "Whooooaa, that's a big pigeon". He later slipped and fell into one of the bird's droppings which was the size of a Buick. His memorial will be held Friday.

The Whale Spat Me Back Out

2007-06-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

The rustling of keys is heard along with muffled profanity from outside the door.

The door finally squeaks open, displaying an emaciated gentlemen with a bowler cap under one arm and fist tightly clinching the handle of a worn, leather attache case.

He stumbles into his living room, tripping over the steamer trunk he used for a coffee table. It was all he had to use since Marigold left him.

Collecting himself, he surveyed the surroundings that he had once know so well. Now foreign to him.

He straightenedup, which to the casual observer had the effect of an increase in height no less than one half inch, and said, "I havn't always been faithful. I have, in fact, behaved rather caddishly. But, we will always have each other."

It was obvious he had been rehearsing the speech, but the room was happy none the less.

Now Is the Winter Of My Discontent

2007-02-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be going away this weekend to help out with the high school winter camp. Yes, I get to leave our nice weather for a place far more snow-filled. I've never been a huge fan of snow, or cold places in general. The fact that I don't really have any clothing appropriate for snow doesn't help much either. Anyway, I have work to do before we leave at 4pm, so I bid you adieu.

Options

2007-02-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

I foresee options ahead of me in my career. The previous 4 weeks I have been teaching a lot. Last Sunday I taught for an hour on the Book of Acts to a more mature audience than I’m used to in high school ministry. I think the youngest person, other than me of course, was in their 40’s and the oldest in their 70’s. When I came in, no one thought I was the teacher. (They probably thought I was there to set up the powerpoint projector or something). I’ve never taught adults for a solid hour before, it was interesting. Maybe the most astounding thing was that the people actually wanted to listen to me. They were giving me their undivided attention, meanwhile I’m used to high schoolers who are text messaging their friends, talking, sleeping, eating, generally not paying attention. I was nervous in the beginning, but soon I kind of sunk into it. I think the people got something out of it. I had printed copies of my powerpoint slides for everyone so they wouldn’t have to write everything all out. When I had finished I had a few people come up and ask some questions on the text and thank me for coming. Work at church has been going well, I think.

From that teaching, I had a adjunct professor at Biola ask me to help him out as a teacher’s assistant for some of his ESL classes. I have worked as a TA before, grading papers and all that. It’s not glamorous work, really it’s a pain in the ass. Grading 30 horrible 6-8 page papers when you need to write two 8 page papers of your own is not that fun. But, it is work in the educational system like I have been interested in doing in the long run.

I’ve contemplated working as a chaplain. As I get closer to finishing my MDiv, I have thought about the possibility of working as a hospital chaplain. I have never really done much work in this area, therefore I doubt my abilities a great deal. I see all the ways I’m unqualified, the major one is that the average age of the hospital chaplain in America is 60 years old. It’s hard to help people, or rather it’s hard to convince people you can help them when they are 35 years older than you. That’s just reality. I think a way that I can bypass all that is a hospital like CHOC, Children’s Hospital of Orange County. In a hospital devoted to children and teens, I am in a far better place than a 60 year old to help. Rachelle did clinicals at CHOC last semester and said their chaplain had quit and they were looking for another. The only problem is I need to finish my degree before they will hire me. I want to see if I’m even cut out for this kind of work, so I am going to ask our Care Pastor, in charge of weddings, funerals, chaplain for Whittier PD, etc., if I can tag along with him. Maybe get my feet wet a bit.

Dapper

2007-02-15T01:33:00.000-08:00

I havn't posted any of my new shirt acquisitions in a while, and boy have there been acquisitions!

Biblical Disater

This is one of the shirts that made me love Threadless from the moment I found it. Unfortuneatly, the shirt was sold out and so I wasn't able to get it. Thank god for reprints, now this baby is mine. I can't wait to wear it to work.

No room for unicorns.

destroy NYC

I'm not sure what drew me to this design. I like the precision in the drawing of the buildings mixed with doodle monsters that are destroying the city.

Bring her down boys.

Get Some Fresh Air

TV is a foul creation. I am ridiculed for playing video games by people who spend hours watching TV and freak out when they miss an episode. At least games have some sort of interation. Seriously though, I'm going to lay down some truth for everyone. Jack Bauer, and the whole show "24", is f-ing terrible. I know your reading this and saying as The Dude might, "Well that's, like, your opinion, man". No, the show is crap. But don't worry, everything else you watch on TV is complete and utter shite as well. Now your asking, "Well then what do you watch?" Any good TV show I like I have on dvd, there is only one show that I do really like to watch. Are you prepared for the... METALOCALYPSE!!!!!!

Confabulated Memory

Most of the time my memory feels like this image. Remembering one thing, which brings up another, then eventually brings up a girl, which brings up other memories. I was unsure of this shirt at first, the image on the shirt is huge. A bit different than I usually get, maybe that's why I got it. Plus it was free.

A Preacher

2007-01-30T21:25:00.000-08:00

Pardon my blog hiatus the last 2 weeks. I was writing and preparing sermons for the high school group the last 2 Sundays. Preaching isn’t something that I do often, actually I never do it. Two weeks ago was my very first time preaching outside of a classroom. I was nervous.

Why do I get nervous? This is something that I have spent considerable thought on. I hear that 90% of people have a fear of public speaking. I can understand that, no one likes being put on the spot. I used to think that I was just nervous to speak in front of any group of people.

Hold on, let me discuss what I mean when I say “nervous”. Before I would preach in class, I would feel physically ill from the day before to the day of speaking. This would include a giant stomachache as well as lower back pain; I feel terrible. I have told Rachelle that if I had to preach each week that I would have an ulcer. That is what I mean when I say nervous.

I found that my hypothesis about speaking in front of groups was completely false last year when I had to preach to only one person, my professor. Sure, you can make the argument that speaking in front of the prof. is just as stressful as an entire class but I don’t think that was the case for me. That was when I began to think about why I was so scared, if it wasn’t the number of people then what was it?

I know why I get scared now. I am afraid I will teach some falsehood; and by doing so lead a person into a wrong understanding of God. Do I think I will actually do this? I want to say no, but obviously there is a part of me that doesn’t agree.

The last two weeks have been a great validation for me. Stressful, painful, tiring… but still validating.

Hard Days Night

2007-01-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I havn't been able to post in a while. I've been extremely busy this past week, but I don't have time right now to get into it. Posts will be coming soon, as soon as I'm not getting home at 11pm.

A Pox On Both Your Houses

2007-01-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

A pox update for everyone who wants a peek at my hideously disfigured visage. The pictures really don't do it justice, but here they are. The first picture below is from yesterday and the latter is from today.Yesterday

Today

I made this comment on Eric's blog today and considering it was long enough to be its own blog, I thought I'd toss it in down here:

Ok, I can't really go to a movie right now being sick and all. I must admit though, I have been sorely tempted to go to "The Crappiest Place On Earth", Disneyland, and infect as many unsuspecting children as I can with the plague I carry. Oh, so you thought it would be a good idea to take your newborn to Disneyland before its had its 1 year vaccinations.... you chose poorly.

This may stem from a long held desire to be the first to bear a virus that would annihilate the population of the Earth as we know it and they name it after me. News Reporter says, "Sey is killing thousands of people by the day, and there looks to be no end in sight for Sey's rampage". Yea, that would be cool.

But I'm sure a more fitting disease would be some bacteria/virus that was persistent, annoying, and popped up when you least expected it... like an STD. "Oh man, Sey is making me all itchy and red spots are appearing! And I have an appointment with the Bobs' in 20 minutes... what do I do?" I would only ruin their social life and make them feel inadequate, sounds about right.

"The Tree" part 2

2007-01-07T15:11:00.000-08:00

I thought I would add some more writing from my short stories, seeing how I'm pretty much stuck at home all the time right now. For those who didn't read the beginning, go ahead and click here.

Even in its sad state, far from the grandeur it had once basked in, it still loomed over me ominous and unforgiving. As I beheld it my instincts screamed at me, demanding that I bow in fear or cower and pay tribute. But my heart was not filled with fear, instead I felt a great sadness. I became strangely aware of the silence that engulfed the area surrounding the Tree. A morose feeling of loneliness that is felt when one living thing is cut off from all other life. I strained to hear just a simple chirp of a far off bird, the sad howling of a solitary wolf, or even the droning of a summer cicada. Nothing. Then I heard it, or rather I realized for the first time what had always been there. A sound, deep and billowing at once and high and screeching at others. I spun around in place trying to pinpoint the origin of the hideous melody and found that it came from all around me. It was the voice of the forest, unrecognizable in any linguistic form, yet I understood; the same way one can tell a couple in an adjacent room are fighting through the muffled voices. We trust the walls to hold the silent secret words that we never want strangers to hear, yet they can never hide the anger, lust, betrayal, and overall depravity in life. I heard weeping, like that of a mother agonizing over a child taken from this world too soon, from the old willows neighboring the dead river. Proud mocking coming from a grove of young upstart Oak trees, barely fifty rings of age. The Ash reveled in their new blooms and flaunted the Wisteria that hung from the branches in clusters of striking blue and purple that infested the trees like some beautiful disease. I was disgusted by it all yet something inside me demanded my gaze remain. Was it simply that beauty be recognized or the fear of offending a creator that could conceive of such things, I did not know.

Viruela De Pollo

2007-01-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

So the results of my Mexico trip just keep getting better. The last day we were in Mexico, as we embarked on our long trip home, I began to feel sick. I was sure it was a cold, from all the freezing nights, early mornings, and non-stop activities. But when I got home I didn't feel congested, instead I felt achy, feverish, and had a headache. Great, I'm getting the flu; but it wasn't like any flu I had ever had. The symptoms came on gradually over days rather than hours and I didn't feel nauseated. I knew something was wrong with me but I had no idea what it was. Well, I found out today that I have Chicken pox. We were joking that I had some crazy form of Mexican Pollo Pox. Whatever the case, I was never infected with it as a child and now I'm going to pay for it.

Mexico: And All Things South Of The Border

2007-01-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

It would take too long to describe all that happened in during my week in Mexico, so here are the highlights:

5 minutes into Tijuana I get pulled over by the Federales who try to shake me down for money, $125 to be exact. I was accused of going 100km/h when I was in fact going 60 km/h, the officers let me go shortly after they discovered I had a grand total of $15.

Driving through a muddy, rain soaked field on the way from the beach I hydroplane the rental car into a barbed wire fence.

Feliz ano nuevo! For New Years we went to "El Pollo Loco" (not the same one you're thinking of on the corner). It is a taco shack around Vincente Guerrero in which the 47 of us made the place burst at the seams. While there one of our students inadvertantly made friends with an old drunk man that wandered up. The man belligerently waved his left hand ordering tacos for the student while he squeezed him close with his right.

A fellow driver takes a bump too fast and rips the entire rear bumper off his rental car. We left the bumper in Mexico.

Getting chewed out by a Mormon missionary who said we were driving too fast through a neighborhood.

Driving through a military checkpoint on the way home I, of 8 cars, am the only one in which the driver is questioned and asked to get out of the car while the guard proceeds to knock on the plastic doors looking for contraband.

Taking 1 shower.

The Night Before Christmas...

2006-12-24T20:52:00.000-08:00

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring except Ryan playing Wii like some demented mouse.

Merry Christmas everyone.

I've always been more of the bahumbug sort. Truth be told I much rather write about other things, so I will.

The Shirt Off My Back

2006-12-15T18:14:00.000-08:00

The fine people at Threadless.com have been running a contest over the last few months; dangling a giant carrot in front of the noses is more like it. The Threadless 365 contest gives anybody who signs up a shot to win over 550 shirts (each shirt being $15= $8250.00) plus all longsleeve and sweatshirts which bumps the winnings to more than $10,000. Yea, not too shabby.

I wake this morning to a beautiful email that capped off finals week perfectly. I had been randomly selescted from thousands of people to be one of the top 10 finalists for the contest. If you are actually going to the links, I am the second name from the top, "packoutsandwich". That's right Jeff, Threadless got a big pack out sandwich. "Pack out sandwich" has been an inside joke between Jeff and I for going on 6 years now and this breathed new life into our sad expression.

The winners were chosen tonight through a video in which Santa unwrapped our names in presents and the last gift to be opened was the winner. Sadly, I did not win, but its hard to be upset over something you put absolutely no effort into. Ooh, I do get parting gifts though. I'm not sure what I will get but the 9 who were not picked were promised "great consolation prizes". I'm thinking we will probably get a free subscription to the 12 Club, which is a program where you get a special shirt each month and costs $200.

My interterm is starting off on the right foot! Now if you will excuse me, my Wii won't play itself.

Rybear Vs. La Mirada

2006-12-11T15:11:00.000-08:00

The city of La Mirada is a tool. Actually, to be more specific a city is incapable of being a "tool", but like any institution it is only as great as those who run it. La Mirada is therefore a toolbox, housing the public officials, the "tools", within it's hollow tin chest. Now my vernacular is not by chance, that particular derogatory comment was specifically chosen due to it's unique description.

I'm just going to lay that out right from the start, whether or not you agree matters not because it is true and you would therefore be wrong. The logic is flawless.

My first run in with a La Mirada official was when I attempted to help Paul, David, Micah and the rest of the W. Nile Crew as "the man" attempted to bring them down. I must admit, the reason the official was called out in the first place was valid. It all began when a neighbor complained that the guys had put a couch on the roof, which they had done so they could read in the sun. I stand by my friends' decision. But when he got there he proceeded to ding them for having a gravel driveway, grass that was not all green, too many cars in the driveway, and the inability to park 2 cars in the garage. You read correctly, the city of La Mirada has written in it's bylaws that you must be able to park 2 cars in your garage at all times. Now, I understand that we all have a job to do and sometimes that forces us to be the bad guy. As the "Bad Guy" you can either accept this knowledge and try to be as cool as possible and hope the people are cool too or you can purposely be a jerk who quotes the letter of the law no matter how ridiculously mundane while upholding the integrity of his institution as if it were some unattainable goddess, a.k.a. a tool. This official was a tool of the highest caliber. As we tried to reason with him about the garage, which had actually been a home made sound proof room from the previous tenants who were in a band called Anthym. We asked him how many people he thought could actually park 2 full size cars in their garage. "I'd say 90%" was his response, meanwhile their neighbor had 2 jetskis on a trailer blocking entrance to his garage, also against the rules but you didn't see the official doing anything about it.

The drama moves closer to home. So, the citizens of my street, or at least 2/3 of them, saw fit to inact what La Mirada calls the "Preferential Parking Program" on our street. Under this system, only cars registered to people living on the street are able to receive a parking permit that enables them to leave a car parked curbside. Unless you have a permit you are unable to park on my street no matter what time or day. The campaign was spearheaded by old people who have nothing better to do and no one visiting them, soccer moms who have nothing better to do and no one visiting them, and pathetic broken men who cannot think for themselves and no one would ever want to visit. If people come over unexpectedly, they're pretty much boned unless they can fit in the driveway or I give them my parking pass, which by the way is against the rules. In order for visitors to park on the curb they must have a "Temporary Parking Pass" which you must go down to the Public Safety office to get and is valid for one day. The last time Rachelle went down there to get 15 parking passes the women complained that she was too busy to do them, bear in mind that all that is on these permits is my address, the date, and the officials signature. That's it. Those 15 passes took over 30 minutes to make, and Rachelle was told she needed to "call ahead next time if you want that many passes" because Rachelle had chosen "the busiest time of the day". All the lady was doing was answering phones.

This morning Rachelle had some friends from work come by for a big Christmas Breakfast Party; they're all night shift people so they do weird stuff like a party at breakfast. Saturday evening I went and got 15 passes which were no longer hand written. This time they wrote out one and then photocopied 15 which was fine by me. But, I thought her party was Sunday morning and told him the date was 12/10 rather than the 12/11 it actually was. We really didn't think anything of it, writing a "1" over the "0" believing it a waste of our time as well as Public Safety's for us to go back and make them photocopy more. Rachelle's friends begin to arrive and they place the photocopied permits in their cars while I blissfully slumber. But my bliss was short lived because Rachelle wakes me up to tell me that her friends are getting tickets. I go outside and the Public Safety officer tells me that one of the neighbors complained people were parking on the street because, like I said, my neighbors have no freaking life. The officers first complaint was that the permits were photocopies, which we said, "Yea that's what you gave us". To be honest the officer, as I have stated above, was inadvertantly the "bad guy" and was merely doing what he was told from his supervisor, which he called about the situation. I wasn't mad at him, I understoood he was a mere pawn in the game of deception La Mirada was playing. He apologized, saying he couldn't take back the five $40 tickets he had already written but that he wouldn't write anymore. I immediately went down to the Public Safety office and asked for 15 permits and to talk to whoever was in charge. As the girl began to write out a permit one of the others said, "Don't we just photocopy them, that's what I always do?" which made me chuckle. The boss came out, a short Asian woman who looked like she was ready for a fight. But I was not angry and remained polite yet forceful as I pointed out the logical flaws in their system of doing things in relation to their purpose/the purpose of the permits. I admitted up front that I had mistakenly said the wrong day and changed the date, having never used them on the 10th, because I thought it a waste of both our time and reources to come back for more photocopies. The whole time I spoke or tried to make a point she would slowly shake her head like she was saying "No" to everything I said. "By changing the day, you tampered witha binding legal document. Could you do that on your Federal Taxes"? In my head I was thinking please leave your straw man arguments out of this and I replied that the two are not remotely the same. When I said that I didn't want to waste their time she stopped me and said, "Oh no, its not a waste of time. We're open 12 hours each day to be here for you and the purpose of the permit parking is to serve you, so you should have come back and gotten more permits". I replied, "How exactly does issuing tickets to the people who live on the street, the very ones you say you are here for, a service to me"? She gave some BS answer and said there was nothing she could do and she would not rescind the tickets, thereby displaying the toolish symptoms we had spoken of earlier.

I, being the gracious person that I am, have decided that I really should take the Public Safety office up on the generous amount of time and resources they have allocated to serving me. Therefore, starting tomorrow I will be going to the Public Safety office everyday and obtaining the maximum amount of Temporary Parking Permits allowed (there appears to be no set number currently according to the city's bylaws).
The objective: To have the tickets cleared or allow the city of La Mirada to serve me, like they said they want to do, so much that I take up enough resources and man hours that it would have been cheaper to simply rescind the tickets in the first place.

One Day Left

2006-12-11T14:32:00.000-08:00

I just got out of my Theology final and bbq'd it. Only studied for 45 minutes and was the 10th person done in a class of 60. As of tomorrow I will be finished with my Finals. The agenda tonight is to finish a paper and study for a test at noon. Funny thing is, I'm strangely optimistic about it. Normally in situations like this I would chalk it up to delerium, seeing how I have only slept 8 hours in the last 2 days. I guess I'm just happy to have another semester behind me and one step closer to graduation... but at what cost? Last night I was forced to use an unholy means in order to aid me in my studies: Starbucks. Yes I have fallen from grace indeed, allowing those vultures into my wallet and my very soul. And before you ask, it was a Peppermint Mocha.

End Of Semester

2006-12-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

I thought I better post and say that I'm still alive. I've been busy trying to get done all the end of semester papers while working and staying up all night playing Halo 2 with High School kids.

I've also been extremely tired. I can't stay up to work on these papers late at night , after putting in a full day of work or classes, if my life depended on it. Gone are the days of the almighty all-nighter.

I haven't been able to talk to any of my friends. I haven't been able to play any of my new Wii, which I wanted to unveil properly on here but, alas, there is no time for it.

Next week is finals, then it will be over. I will be free.

To my friends... look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to the east.

Graduation '07??

2006-11-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

It's that wonderful time of the semester once again, pre-registration. I've been looking rather closely at my curriculum chart recently and it has come to my attention that I may be able to, with some finagling, graduate next semster. Finally. It's not that I have been taking longer than normal for my Masters Degree, just that I went right from my Undergrad into Grad. I don't know about you, but 7 years of anything, let alone papers, tests, summer school, 3 hour classes, etc., is too much. Having said that, I've been throwing around the idead of doing a Th.M because I'm a glutton for punishment. I've also thought about the D.Min but some schools like Talbot want you to have 3 years of ministry under your belt before they will accept you. I guess that's not a bad thing, otherwise you're giving someone a Doctorate who may never have spent day one in the ministry.

I mentioned that some "finagling" is necessary, let me explain. I am going to see about getting a class written off because I had it as an Undergrad but only got a "B" so it didn't transfer. I will have to take a class this interterm. Then I am trying to get into 14 units of classes for the Spring, two of which are Greek classes. I should add that 3 of these Spring classes are already closed, and the Interterm one may be as well. One other tricky matter is a 2 unit internship class that I can only take in the Fall, which means I have to get that figured out with my Academic Advisors. If by some chance all these things get done, then I will be graduating this Spring.

The unavoidable question arises, "What will you do after graduation"? Sadly, that is a question I am still unable to answer. I like working at the church, but will that turn from a part-time job to a full-time job? That's the million dollar question.

Wii Will Rock You

2006-11-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

3 hours and 40 minutes until the Wii is finally released. I will be buying mine tonight at midnight from Toys R Us. Rejoice!

Unveiled!

2006-11-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

The warranty was expiring on our A6 so we decided on a change of wheels. Introducing the newest member of the household, the 2007 Audi A4 2.0T. Yes, it's bright red. Quite a change from the sleek, but melancholy, black beauty the A6 was... may she rest in peace.

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars

Here in my car
I can only receive
I can listen to you
It keeps me stable for days

In carsHere in my car

The image breaks down
Will you visit me please
If I open my door
In cars

Here in my car
I know I've started to think
About leaving tonight
Although nothing seems right
In cars

I know I've started to think
I know I've started to think

"Cars" by Gary Numan

Well What Do We Have Here?

2006-11-15T23:26:00.000-08:00

There's nothing quite like tucking two beautiful cars in for the night in their cozy garage, while the truck stays out on the curb. I guess cars are a bit like animals, or more specifically pets. We give them names, which ought to always adhere to the unwritten rule that states a car must retain the first letter of either the make or model e.g. "Pete Porsche" or "Cindy Civic". Jeff broke the rules when he named his Toyota Camry, "Jen". Then you have the inside pets and the outside pets. My 914 has always stayed inside, it's barely seen the light of day. On the other hand, my Tacoma has spent the majority of it's short life outside due the fact that it... well... it's a truck!

The new pet.
What in the world is this? And in red??

Mmmmmmmmmm... "Turbo" is a word I like to see when I 'm looking at the engine.

Duh da, duh da, duh da.... she's a shark. *Rawr*. Yea that's right, the shark said, "Rawr." Got a problem with that??

More to come...

1 Star: The Bible

2006-11-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

I have had a request for the next 1 Star Classic, the #1 bestselling book of all time, The Bible. Although from many of these reviews, you may be wondering how it got that way.

The Holy Bible

"This is the worst book I've picked up since Christopher Castile's 'Being You is Most Definitely Cool'."

"I think we all can safely say that this book has been pretty much debunked by Science. I would put the Bible on the same shelf as books like 'The Odyssey'. Basically, fictional tales told by primitive men in a primitive time in human history."

"I find the plot hard to follow, the writing style is pretty rough and the characters lack emotional depth. God turns out to be a pretty mean guy when kicks Adam and Eve out of the garden for simply eating an apple and then tries to trick Abraham into killing his son ... just kidding! He does do a good job of flooding the earth and killing most everyone which is kind of cool, but again, kind of mean. The new testament stuff is better ... Jesus is a pretty cool dude with a good message about loving people and turning the other check and all that ... but it seems to get lost in translation somewhere in the modern world."

"its thickness, its weight, and its sexy black imitation leather covering makes this book an ideal doorstopper. Very useful."

"I feel that this book started out well but lacked something of an ending. The writing styles change intermittedly and seem to lack something of a finesse, blatantly stating things that cannot be taken literally or figuratively well enough to purvey a superior understanding of the text. I found it about as entertaining as flipping through a T.V. guide but not owning a T.V. seeing all the shows that you could be watching explained in a summerized detail that never quite lets you know what it's really all about. A true literary flop."

"Reading the reviews of this bible has inspired me to contribute.
Leviticus 25:17 - 'Thou shalt wear a shirt woven of two type of cloth'
Pure Cotton is the only way. All praise Saville Row."

"God sure sounds unhappy. Maybe he should seek professional help for his anger. Hell, it worked for me."

"This book is in very poor taste. Between the rape, torture, murder, mass murder, and latent themes of homophobia this book is not for the faint of heart. Only the mad or abusive would allow a child anywhere near this, it would scar them for life."

"Frankly, I was disapointed. I expected more from God. Definetly not his best work."

1 Star: To Kill A Mockingbird

2006-11-08T23:34:00.000-08:00

This may upset some folks I know. There was a lot of unhappy people at Amazon, but it seems the "haters" came to a general consensus in their reviews. It was boring! My own personal comments will be denoted in red, just like Jesus. And as always, the reviews are cited as posted on Amazon, in all their grammatical glory.

To Kill A Mockingbird

"I was completely bored reading this book. A court case is hardly a thrilling idea."
Don't tell that to John Grisham.

"Once you have read one book like this one, you have read them all. A classic american piece of caca"

"Say what you will, but this never picks up. It starts out with Scout talking about how her brother once broke his arm. Who cares? The book's most exiting part is extremely confusing, and don't tell me I'm stupid; I have an IQ of 140. I personally prefer books that have something called action, such as Michael Chricton or Stephen King novels."
Yes, of course, the genius doesn't understand the most "exiting" part of the book. Big surprise.

"I was assigned this book for a reading assignment and me and the guy who sat next to me seemed to be the only ones who hated the book out of the whole class and we sit right infront of the teachers desk so we gave her heck all day! lol anyway... I seriously dislike this book!"
When I read this I can picture some of the high school kids I work with actually saying it... quite disturbing.

Well if this is a classic then so could the Charlies Angel's movies. All the book consists of is a middle-class family in the south with a few weird neighbors. I mean come on. Who really cares about a little girl that goes around the neighborhood doing things like spying on her albino neighbor. If that makes a book a classic, shame on you. Atticus against all odds is always fair and never makes anyone mad. He deals with all disputes perfectly. A wee bit too good to be true. Don't you think? Finishing this book felt like the equivalent of fighting in World War II with nothing but an army of G.I. Joes. If you have been given this book as a present I give you my deepest condolences."

"this book is to long and there arent eny car chases or bombs going off and i wuz bored and it would make a lowsy video game."
This has got to be a joke, but still priceless.

It is a very interesting and great book!!!!! I expecially liked how they talked of people standing up for what is right!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This suit is NOT black. That was for you, Eric.

"This book is very nasty. It depicts scenes I would not care to see if I was being PAID. It's just a sick book. Dont read it, kids"

"THIS BOOK IS BORING!There's no other word to describe it.I just wasen't interested in this book.And they call this a "timeless classic"!Bah,humbug!If I had a cookie for every time I heard that, I'd be a very fat kid!"

"In our most humble opinion we think this book could use some work. Half the book dose not appeal to the readers eye, but on the other hand the other half of the book is completely different from the first half. This is a story that may have touched the hearts of some, but for the many that don't understand it. We agree with them because it doesn't make any sence to us."
Let me see if I got this right. So half the book didn't "appeal to the readers eye", and then you are upset that the second half is completely different?

"I'm sorry everyone. I don't see why this book is so fabeulos. I would give it a zero. I find no point in writing a book about segregation, there's no way of making it into an enjoyable book. And yes i am toataly against segragation. Thanks to all my friendswho had to tourchure threw reading this disgrace and supporting me in not likeing the book. By the way, DO NOT BUY, because if i find it in your house i won't think to kindly of you."
I think he secretly is a fan of segregation and "tourchure".

All Are Welcome

2006-11-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

It recently came to my attention that my blog was set so only registered members of blogspot could comment. I just wanted to let everyone know that I have changed it so anyone can make a comment anonymously so our anti-bloging friends can make their voices heard as well.

And for your enjoyment, the work of Katsuhiro Otomo. Bonus points to those who know what this is from without googling... ERIC.

1 Star: Dr. Strangelove

2006-11-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Today we take a look at what the public think of one of my top ten favorite movies of all time.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

"If I know the film recorded black and white styl, I didn't bay it."

"Slim Pickens riding the bomb is a reference that is part of the American culture. Other than knowing the origin of this reference, this movie is a waste of time."

"THIS MOVIE IS PRETTY BAD. GOOD ACTING THOUGH"

"I have no idea why people say this is the funniest movie ever made. I don't get it, and I love comedies. I have seen it four times and I still do not get it. Maybe it is because I don't get Kubrick movies. I have seen several of them and don't get any of them."

"This movie is lame. There isn't one good laugh in it. It is tiresome. The only good thing about it is that it warns us against right wing lunatics who might start a nuclear war because they are crazy. Fine. It is politically correct. But that doesn't mean that the movie is any good, and it isn't."

All these people who don't understand the movie make Dr. Strangelove a sad panda.

1 Star Classics

2006-11-07T22:06:00.000-08:00

I've been busy of late and haven't had much to really blog about, but I have been coming up with some new ideas to post about. The first is going to be a segment called "1 Star Classics" in which I will focus on a book, movie, or album that is highly regarded as a classic and qoute Amazon.com reviewers that gave them 1 star. The first edition goes to:

William Shakespeare: The Complete Works

"Shakespeare may be a genius, but cmon, this is the worst reading material i have ever seen."

"Guess what! This is a great book! JUST KIDDING! It's HORRIBLE! IT IS BY FAR THE WORST BOOK I HAVE READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I would never, ever, ever, ever buy this book. NEVER! Oh, did I mention how bad the writing is? The writing is HORRIBLE! IT IS THE WORST WRITING THAT I HAVE READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! If you are bored enough to read this book, you have way too much free time and don't deserve to have the money that it costs to buy it. I really don't know why everyone says that Shakespeare is such a great writer. He isn't."

"Hello Shakespeare, is anyone home? Most people will say that I didn't understand this, but I totally did and it still stinks. It cannot equal the feeling I got from reading abou Frodo and Sam climbing mount doom. And the fight scenes were totally unrealistic. I'm into suspending disbelief and all, but Hamlet? Hello? Like, a ghost living? Give me Mount Doom anyday."

"The only ones who seem to like ol' Shakes are drama department queens. His plays are essentially empty souled affairs with emotions that are either shallow or excessively melodramatic. There is not a single recognizable flesh and blood human being in his plays. He lacks any consistent viewpoint so that his output all adds up to nothing. Don't waste your time."

All Hallow's Eve

2006-10-31T10:35:00.000-08:00

I recently remarked on a friends blog that "if it were socially acceptable I would still walk door to door for some free candy". Halloween was always fun in my family, we dressed up, carved pumpkins, and never gave it much of a thought. When I was a Junior in High School, I remember some friends and I were carving pumpkins in my kitchen and one of the girls told us that it was the first time she ever made a Jack O'Lantern. She went on to say that her brother had always said her family didn't carve them because they "housed evil spirits". I hear the same sort of nonsense all the time at school or work, I suppose they are the people who are afraid Harry Potter is going to turn their kids into wizards/witches. When most likely they will spend their unimaginative adulthood grinding out a living wondering where their life went... yea, much better.

Tonight we are having a "Halloween Party" at the church, should have known we would get angry parents calling us. That's what you get for not calling it a "Harvest Festival", which, to be honest, is lame as hell considering all the average American is harvesting is hours in front of the TV. Not to mention, the Roman Catholic Church was trying to get away from the Samhain, which was a pagan Celtic harvest festival. That's one of the things I love about the early church, they saw a day that was devoted to a pagan practice or ritual and rather than protest they simply said, "Ok, November 1 is All Saints Day which encompasses the evening before... that's it. Also, December 25th is ours now too, so deal with it". That reminds me, today is also Reformation Day, yet another attempt, this time from the Protestant camp, to "take back Halloween". I wish more Christians would study their own history and maybe then they would chill out and worry about the stuff that really matters.

We had another Halloween party the other night. Another murder mystery which was set as a 20 year high school reunion. I was an 80's guy with my A Flock Of Seagulls haircut. Rachelle was the cheer captain. I also got best dressed for my beautiful hair and other 80's stylings.As I come to some sort of conclusion. Let your kids wear a costume, even a scary one if they want, let them go around in a safe neighborhood and get candy, and let them know what the day is really about. It isn't something we ought to fear, the only people who ought to be afraid are members of the ADA, it is merely another day that, like all before and after it, God has made, sustained, and in fact deemed good.

Budrow's Comin For Ya!

2006-10-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Last week Rachelle, Eric, and I traveled up to that mystic place known as Oregon. If only they would cut down all those obnoxious trees so that Portland can be filled with useless crap like LA. Maybe one day they will see the error of their ways.

Jeff, Elaine, and Eric with some beautiful girl hair while surfing the internet.
We went to a Cirque Du Soleil production called Delirium. The musicians and acrobats were pretty fantastic.
It has sort of become tradition to do a Halloween party while we are visiting, and this year was no different. We did a Clue mystery game where some people acted like Clue characters while others had to ask them quetions to figure out who killed Mr. Body. I was Prof. Plum and Rachelle was Agent Dana Scully.
Greg and Angela aka Mr. Green and Mrs. White getting some use out of that maid uniform.

Eric dressed up as a candlestick and almost suffered heat stroke from all the foil we wrapped around him. He sort of looks like a fururistic space chef in this picture.
Meanwhile , Elaine was a sheriff and Jeff dressed in his work uniform saying that he "worked for the government". But we all know that he is a fishmonger... the Shakespearean kind.
A good time was had by all. If you would like to read a bit more in depth about our stay then I suggest hitting up Eric's blog.

"Red-Hot and Filthy Library Smut"

2006-10-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

A fellow Blogger has posted a page devoted to the beauty often times locked away in a library.
"By 'library smut' I am in no way referring to the photo books on native peoples, or the illustrated health manuals, or any of the other volumes which, in your childhood, you lurked about the library aisle to find with the sole purpose of sneaking guilty glances at naked bodies. Nor am I referring to the 'risqué' novels by Miller, Cleland, Réage, or Lawrence you leafed impatiently through as a teenager. No. What I’m talking about here is the full-frontal objectification of the library itself. Oh yeah."

Not So Constant Gardener

2006-10-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

There isn't a green thumb between Rachelle and I, but apparently our mere presence causes plants to spring up. A once bald patch of dirt in our backyard suddenly sprang to life, producing a plant we don't currently have in out yard. I'm not sure what it even is but the flowers it produces are beautiful. Maybe those gardeners out there can tell me the heck it is.

New Threads

2006-10-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

I just made a second purchase from Threadless. Ohhhh yea.

Dad?

I love Fried Chicken, but I hate KFC. When you have eaten my Grandma's homemade fried chicken your whole life, nothing really compares.

I Like Trees Too

I was looking at my shirts that I ordered last time from Threadless and noticed that they had animals on them. I've always loved animals and in case you didn't know, I was a zookeeper for 4 years. Plus, giraffes are just plain cool.

In The Basement Of The Alamo

This ought to be an obvious joke to those in the know. But if you are like some people *coughEriccough* who didn't watch Pee-wee's Playhouse growing up then I suppose it's just dumb. This is actually a reference to the the movie Pee-wee's Big Adventure when Pee-wee seeks the counsel of a fortune teller to recover his lost bike. The fortune teller tells him his bike is in the basement of the Alamo but when he finally arrives at the Alamo the tour guide says, "There's no basement in the Alamo!".

A Spaceboy Retrospective

When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut, I even went to Space Camp. Here's to all those who dreamed of going to space.

Poetic Irony

What can I say... this design is amazing.

My Busiest Week Comes To A Close

2006-10-14T01:42:00.000-07:00

All two of you that read these ramblings, Eric and Jen rock your socks off, might have noticed the blog hiatus the last 8 days. That's because this was the busiest week I've had in months. Last week I was busy with work and writing 2 papers that were due on Monday, then I had a midterm on Tuesday and another on Thursday. I went into work on Tuesday afternoon for a while, Wednesday I was at work from 11am to 10pm like normal, Thursday I was at work 7-9pm and the week culminated with Blitzfest.

We have been planning Blitzfest since the end of summer and it finally arrived last night, Friday October 13. Consequently, I just got home from cleaning up after Blitz. Blitzfest is a night of bands, rides, all you can eat pizza and drink soda, xbox tournament, student art show, and more going from 7-11pm. Three of the bands were local bands, Castle Black, Adora, and Repeat Repeat, and our headliner was A Static Lullaby. Actually members of Castle Black and Repeat Repeat go to WACC. Dragonforce (listen to this madness) was in the area recently and we joked about getting them to play, actually we discussed hijacking their bus and making them come. Anyway, I got to work at 10:30am and got to work setting up tables and chairs, hanging art, painting signs, stringing extension chords all over, setting up tvs and xboxs, etc. The other day we bought and transported 3,000 sodas to give out at Blitzfest and we ordered 300 pizzas from Little Cesars. I spent most of my time overseeing the Spiritual Direction area where we gave out hot chocolate, cookies, and talked with kids about life, God, whatever they wanted. It was a good night, we had around 800 kids turn out and we only had to kick out 2 people for being drunk. After the night was over we stayed to clean up until 1am, I'm beat. Time to go back to living like a hermit.

Friends Don't Let Friends Play World Of Warcraft

2006-10-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

As many of you may know, I used to spend all my waking moments that I wasn't in class playing WoW. I played for over 1 1/2 years, had many level 60 characters on Alliance and Horde side. I was part of a raiding guild with my Night Elf Priest and then quit to do more PVP with my Troll Rogue. For those who might be wondering why I quit, the answer is simple. It was boring! When I played I was spending hours in BWL or hours in the Battlegrounds and the whole game became a giant grind. But I have to say that the Player Vs. Player was my favorite part, especially in the 40-49 bracket. There were some amazing players that stayed at level 49 on purpose so that we could all work over the Alliance. I'll toot my own horn and say that I was a terror. In fact, on the last day before my account expired I was giving away all my gold to newb Hordies and had a guy who fought against me say I used to piss off his entire team because they couldn't kill me. That was nice to hear.

But let me get to the point of this blog. South Park has gone and done the world a friggin service and cut this new episode called "Make Love, Not Warcraft". I had a youtube link that had the entire episode but now it's gone due to "copyright infringement"... blah blah blah. So here is a clip of the show and the kid's different WoW toons fighting a gamer that can bend the rules of WoW.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEPMfDRGafg

"The Tree"

2006-10-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

I wrote this story, which will be shown over many posts, quite a while ago. In fact its coming up on maybe 2 years, before I read any of Tolkien. I say that because I remember when I had Eric read it he said it was Tolkienesque. At first it was only this section with a different ending, but then I decided to expand it and as you will see it turns into something more akin to Douglas Adams.

I saw the tree. Old, dark, barren of leaves and mossy from its dilapidated life deep in the forest. It was the only one of its kind left, surrounded by new birth all around as saplings and seedlings clamored close around the base of its thick, bulbous trunk. Smooth cobblestone littered the soil next to the raised roots of the tree where once flowed a brook through the forest… but no more. Empty now, the tree had seen to that. The rocks like small tombstones are the sole reminder of the long war raged between the elements. The tree had grown enormous from victory, depriving the others of the life giving liquid that it took for granted. Slowly the forest surrounding the tree had begun to darken, the bright colors of the seasons no longer flashed with the vibrancy that they once did. The greed of the tree was slowly killing them off. And as the years passed, as they often do to a forest like a blink of the eye, the tree’s strangle hold began to slip through its splinters. A great drought had overtaken the land and not even the Tree was able to withstand the unrelenting heat, yet the forest began to live again. At any moment the tree’s roots, which spread tentacle-like along the topsoil, were ready to soak up even the smallest drop of rain. For years it had soaked up the easily gathered water until all its roots were at the surface. Meanwhile the rest of the forest deepened its roots hoping to live another day. And their hope was not in vain. Digging, churning, never ceasing the forest had found the one thing that they thirsted for the most. The brook that had seemingly been obliterated on the surface above by the Tree had merely gone into hiding and found a new home deep beneath the earth. Icicles of rock hung from the ceiling of the cave, the evidence of the refugee raindrops that battled their way deep beneath the earth. Forming over a thousand years from a single drop of water, the cave was now a powerful, rushing river. It would eventually find it’s freedom some hundreds of miles later when it reached the deep blue sea. And in the midst of it’s great escape it unwittingly nourished the forest above. All except for the Tree, of course, which stood in opposition to all, including me.

(Originally it ended here with something like this: I straightened up and casually swung the axe, whose handle had been supporting my weight, onto my shoulder. And as I beheld the great Tree I knew... this would be a warm winter.)

to be continued...

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2006-10-05T00:13:00.000-07:00

Nintendo recently announced the release date for their upcoming game console, the Nintendo Wii. It will hit the American market November 19, this will be the first time Nintendo released in America before Japan. I have to say that I'm pretty excited about the realease and I'm sure the Wii is going to demolish the Xbox 360 and PS3.

So in honor of the upcoming release, and my desire to have as many useless widgets as I can possibly find, I downloaded the Wii release date widget. It ticks off the seconds, minutes, hours, and days until November 19. Yea, yea, I'm a nerd, I know. I miss the good ol' days when I got my first Nintendo for Christmas. A few years later upgrading to the Super Nintemdo. Then marveling at the Nintendo 64's 3D capabilities and first-person views. I think it's funny that the first console the High School kids I work with played was the 64. They don't know the gaming heritage they're missing... I didn't even get into the Atari 2600 days.

44 Days, 22 Hours, 6 Minutes, 11 Seconds Left

The Jublin

2006-10-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

... continued from "Frankie Says Relax"

As I type, the professor makes jokes as he teaches that has the class in stitches; I’m not laughing. This is all well and good except that it makes certain students want to join in on the act.

The man sitting next to me keeps making jokes to the class, usually in response to the Prof’s jokes. But he isn’t quite loud enough, so it ends up that I’m one of the only people who can hear it and he keeps looking at me to laugh at them or give him some sort of emotional pat on the back. I haven’t acknowledged him in the slightest yet, I keep looking at the screen. Don’t make that eye contact he so desperately needs.

He just did it again, I swear. From now on I’m going to refer to him as “Jublin”.

Jublin almost did it again, he stopped himself and made a “ugh” noise. Maybe he has given up.

I sort of feel like an ass. I could give Jublin a reassuring smile or courtesy laugh, I think that’s what Jeff would do. I’m not sure why I don’t. I could sit in the middle of the class and be close to people; I’m not sure why I don’t. Other than Jublin, the closest person is at least a desk length away and I am in the furthest corner in the back of the room. I do have a few “school friends”, which are people I talk to at school but never hang out with outside of school, but I’m satisfied with the rest remaining among the nameless masses.

Jublin is at it again.

Jublin just referred quite loudly that someone is “whacked”. You can’t make this stuff up.

Class is coming to an end. In 2 hours and 40 minutes I haven’t gotten up or said a single word, took a few notes and wrote out some musings. Now is the most difficult moment to avoid social discourse… packing up chitchat. Most people after sitting quietly for nearly 3 hours need some sort of release or interaction, often times this is when a man like Jublin might venture to start a conversation. I, however, have had nearly 7 years of experience in avoiding people, so I pack up my belongings with all swiftness and am out the door. Success.

It Will Be Mine. Oh Yes. It Will Be Mine.

2006-10-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

If you haven't gone to my Threadless link then do so straight away. This little beaut is in the running for a contest and I hope it wins because I can almost feel it on my malnourished frame. If they don't pick this shirt... well I may do something drastic.