A Preacher

Pardon my blog hiatus the last 2 weeks. I was writing and preparing sermons for the high school group the last 2 Sundays. Preaching isn’t something that I do often, actually I never do it. Two weeks ago was my very first time preaching outside of a classroom. I was nervous.

Why do I get nervous? This is something that I have spent considerable thought on. I hear that 90% of people have a fear of public speaking. I can understand that, no one likes being put on the spot. I used to think that I was just nervous to speak in front of any group of people.

Hold on, let me discuss what I mean when I say “nervous”. Before I would preach in class, I would feel physically ill from the day before to the day of speaking. This would include a giant stomachache as well as lower back pain; I feel terrible. I have told Rachelle that if I had to preach each week that I would have an ulcer. That is what I mean when I say nervous.

I found that my hypothesis about speaking in front of groups was completely false last year when I had to preach to only one person, my professor. Sure, you can make the argument that speaking in front of the prof. is just as stressful as an entire class but I don’t think that was the case for me. That was when I began to think about why I was so scared, if it wasn’t the number of people then what was it?

I know why I get scared now. I am afraid I will teach some falsehood; and by doing so lead a person into a wrong understanding of God. Do I think I will actually do this? I want to say no, but obviously there is a part of me that doesn’t agree.

The last two weeks have been a great validation for me. Stressful, painful, tiring… but still validating.