The Biola Years Vol. 2

For some reason Jeff owned a rubber ball named Mr. Strawberry. It was the size of a normal dodge ball, red, a face painted on it, it’s named printed on the back, and it had a scent. The smell made you think the manufacturer had a picture of a strawberry and guessed what it must smell like, since he himself had never actually seen one in the flesh.

One night, Jeff and I watched one of the best movies ever made, “The Shawshank Redemption”. Afterward, Jeff decided to take a shower while I sat alone on the couch with Mr. Strawberry. As Jeff showered, I recalled a certain part of the movie where Andy Dufresne goes into the prison shower and is confronted by Bogs who, in an ever so nice way, let’s Andy know he plans to rape him. Inspired as I was, I grabbed Mr. Strawberry, went into the bathroom, and placed him above the shower door so his face was looking down at Jeff’s disgustingly naked body.

Then the callous Mr. Strawberry said to Jeff:
“Hey, anybody come at you yet? Anybody get to you yet? Hey, we all need friends in here. I could be a friend to you. Hard to get. I like that...”

By the end of the night Mr. Strawberry had been defaced. A bubble shot from his mouth with the words “I could be a friend to you” oozing out his horrible cheshire grin. On the back his name had now been changed to “Gay Mr. Strawberry” and below it Red’s quote stood etched as a reminder for all to see: “Bull queers take by force. It’s all they know or want”.

Sadly, Gay Mr. Strawberry would eventually find his demise one night while trying to force himself on Jeff. He got too close to Fenchurch, our stuffed puffer fish, and expired shortly after. He was soon replaced by Mr. Grape… but we were never the same.