Conversations In A Hospital

"I like to listen to metal. I have a bunch of Ozzy Osbourne records."
"So you like Black Sabbath? Are you into Led Zeppelin at all."

"I've been playing some video games, but they aren't very good."
"What do they have?"
"Thrillville."
"Isn't that the game where you make roller coasters?"
"Yea."
"Yea, that's no good."

"Hello, I'm a chaplain."
"It's alright, no thanks."

"I was walking down the street in broad day light and two men grabbed me and tried to kidnap me. One of them had a knife and he stabbed me here in the shoulder. Ever since then I pray a lot."
"I bet."

"I want to have 3 inch spikes drilled into my spine. It's gonna be cool."
"How are you going to sit in a chair?"

"Did Jesus have a last name? Was it Christ?"
"No, I think he was like Prince and Madonna."
"Jesus H Christ. And what does the H stand for?"
"Hoobastank."

"I'm looking forward to Friday night karaoke at the Convalescent Hospital."
"I'm bringing a video camera."

"How was the luau at lunch?"
"Good. Smoke from the BBQ was getting sucked into the Operating Rooms though. The surgeons are pissed."
"Did they stop the BBQ?"
"Nope."

"How did you get hurt?"
"Playing football."
"What position do you play?"
"Defensive Tackle."
"Hmmm... I guess I better pray that you get bigger too."

"Have any of your friends come to visit you?"
"No. I haven't told them that I'm in the hospital."
"Why not?"
"It's embarrassing."
"Being in the hospital doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're human."

*Finish praying*
"I'm sorry I'm crying."
"You don't need to apologize."

More to come...