1 Star: Twilight

This is for all you 'Twihards' out there. A 1 Star review of the crappiest book to ever sweep the nation, Twilight. I didn't have time to go through the hundreds of reviews berating this monstrosity so we will just have to make due with what I found. As always these are real reviews from Amazon.com presented in all their grammatical glory with my occasional comments in red. Let's begin...

"There still remains one simple fact: this is one of the most painfully badly-written pieces of published writing I have ever had the misfortune of coming across.
I've scored 9th-grade essays that tortured the English language significantly less. Her editor should be shot; maybe then he'd do a better job.
It makes me shudder to think about what the manuscripts must have looked like before editing. I can only conclude that Meyer has the IQ of a leek."
Leeks everywhere rise in protest of being compared to the mental prowess of the author and then commit ritual seppuku.

"I'm sorry, but a person who sparkles in the sunlight, only eats animals and doesn't have fangs is not a vampire. It's a friggen PIXIE."

"Seriously? People seriously think these books are good?
THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE. In the sunlight. SPARKLE.
LIKE THEIR SKIN IS COVERED WITH DIAMONDS.
That alone should make everyone throw these books on the fire. SPARKLING? ARE YOU SERIOUS WOMAN?"

"To put it simply, Stephenie Meyer couldn't write her way out of a paper bag."

"being a vampire and having had a romance with a teenage girl, i can say with authority that this is a terrible representation of either."
Finally we have confirmation from the teen molesting vampires themselves that this is tripe.

"Absolutely dreadful - no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Poorly written story that glorifies an unhealthy, codependent relationship between a whiny, emo teenager and a controlling, emotionally abusive stalker vampire - that sparkles. Blech."
What?! The relationship of a 100 year old man who looks like a teenager and spends his days stalking a teen is 'unhealthy'?

"Meyer's writing style is quite horrendous.
'Who gets to ask the questions tomorrow?' I asked quizzically.
'I don't know,' Edward retorted.
'Is it you?' I wondered musingly.
'I think I get to answer the questions tomorrow," he remarked cheekily.
'Oh really?' I huffed angrily.
'Oh yes!' he chortled naughtily.
This is beyond a joke."
I vomitted a little reading this paragraph.

"This novel is a piece of rubbish that should be placed at the bottom of a paper bag and filled with excrete and burned at Stephenie Meyer's doorstep."

"I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MOVIE jt is great first bella is perfect she shows teenagers it is ok to b in love with someone ay a young age edward show tht having compasoin with someone it can mean it eill be dangerous this movie is the best and people who dont like it have no heart for good books"
We end with a standard Twilight fan who, by the way, gave the book a 1 star rating as well.

It Moved...

So, I haven't been around writing. Actually I have but what is written is in the 'draft' section as they have all been deemed 'not suitable for public viewing' because of their likelihood to offend people. So it goes. Maybe I will post them. The problem is that with knowledge of older posts it becomes blatantly obvious who they refer to.

Anyway some updates.

I changed the template for the blog. I felt a change of scenery might make we more enthusiastic about coming back.

I have been officially Licensed through WACC and BGC/Converge as a Minister. I immediately began work on my Endorsement for chaplaincy through the denomination and am currently in the final stage of that process. I have an interview with a BGC chaplain later this month who will... well I don't quite know what she will want to know that isn't in my application. Anyway, it's happening. After this is completed I will begin work towards Ordination, which I hope to have done by the end of the year.

I finished my second and third unit of my chaplaincy internship and just began my fourth and final unit at Children's. I'm the old man of the group, a dispenser of wisdom, a brilliant guiding light, and I am still the youngest by at least 22 years or more. Nice. I will be finished in December.

And last but not least, I am going to be a father.