This is for all you 'Twihards' out there. A 1 Star review of the crappiest book to ever sweep the nation, Twilight. I didn't have time to go through the hundreds of reviews berating this monstrosity so we will just have to make due with what I found. As always these are real reviews from Amazon.com presented in all their grammatical glory with my occasional comments in red. Let's begin...
"There still remains one simple fact: this is one of the most painfully badly-written pieces of published writing I have ever had the misfortune of coming across.
I've scored 9th-grade essays that tortured the English language significantly less. Her editor should be shot; maybe then he'd do a better job.
It makes me shudder to think about what the manuscripts must have looked like before editing. I can only conclude that Meyer has the IQ of a leek."
Leeks everywhere rise in protest of being compared to the mental prowess of the author and then commit ritual seppuku.
"I'm sorry, but a person who sparkles in the sunlight, only eats animals and doesn't have fangs is not a vampire. It's a friggen PIXIE."
"Seriously? People seriously think these books are good?
THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE. In the sunlight. SPARKLE.
LIKE THEIR SKIN IS COVERED WITH DIAMONDS.
That alone should make everyone throw these books on the fire. SPARKLING? ARE YOU SERIOUS WOMAN?"
"To put it simply, Stephenie Meyer couldn't write her way out of a paper bag."
"being a vampire and having had a romance with a teenage girl, i can say with authority that this is a terrible representation of either."
Finally we have confirmation from the teen molesting vampires themselves that this is tripe.
"Absolutely dreadful - no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Poorly written story that glorifies an unhealthy, codependent relationship between a whiny, emo teenager and a controlling, emotionally abusive stalker vampire - that sparkles. Blech."
What?! The relationship of a 100 year old man who looks like a teenager and spends his days stalking a teen is 'unhealthy'?
"Meyer's writing style is quite horrendous.
'Who gets to ask the questions tomorrow?' I asked quizzically.
'I don't know,' Edward retorted.
'Is it you?' I wondered musingly.
'I think I get to answer the questions tomorrow," he remarked cheekily.
'Oh really?' I huffed angrily.
'Oh yes!' he chortled naughtily.
This is beyond a joke."
I vomitted a little reading this paragraph.
"This novel is a piece of rubbish that should be placed at the bottom of a paper bag and filled with excrete and burned at Stephenie Meyer's doorstep."
"I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MOVIE jt is great first bella is perfect she shows teenagers it is ok to b in love with someone ay a young age edward show tht having compasoin with someone it can mean it eill be dangerous this movie is the best and people who dont like it have no heart for good books"
We end with a standard Twilight fan who, by the way, gave the book a 1 star rating as well.
4 comments:
And here is my two cents, courtesy of PVP Online web comic: http://www.pvponline.com/2009/08/03/maneuvers-in-the-dark/
Sorry dude, chicks don't want to bang Nosferatu.
I also wanted to say that I just started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2. Now that is a good tale about vampires and the teens who love them. I haven't read the book, so I haven't experienced the horrendous writing and all that; but, speaking for myself, I am disgusted by the incredibly moronic mythos. That one person is right: these are not vampires; they are depressed, carnivorous fairies.
This mom I know from the hospital was reading the last book of the Twilight series. She told me how much she wanted Bella to die and there were only 50 pages left. I hope Bella died.
Rant on!
Dreck so very, very bad that honest dreck has gotten up and crawled away...
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