The city of La Mirada is a
tool. Actually, to be more specific a city is incapable of being a "tool", but like any institution it is only as great as those who run it. La Mirada is therefore a
toolbox, housing the public officials, the "tools", within it's hollow tin chest. Now my vernacular is not by chance, that particular derogatory comment was specifically chosen due to it's unique description.
I'm just going to lay that out right from the start, whether or not you agree matters not because it is true and you would therefore be wrong. The logic is flawless.
My first run in with a La Mirada official was when I attempted to help Paul, David, Micah and the rest of the W. Nile Crew as "the man" attempted to bring them down. I must admit, the reason the official was called out in the first place was valid. It all began when a neighbor complained that the guys had put a couch on the roof, which they had done so they could read in the sun. I stand by my friends' decision. But when he got there he proceeded to ding them for having a gravel driveway, grass that was not all green, too many cars in the driveway, and the inability to park 2 cars in the garage. You read correctly, the city of La Mirada has written in it's bylaws that you must be able to park 2 cars in your garage at all times. Now, I understand that we all have a job to do and sometimes that forces us to be the bad guy. As the "Bad Guy" you can either accept this knowledge and try to be as cool as possible and hope the people are cool too or you can purposely be a jerk who quotes the letter of the law no matter how ridiculously mundane while upholding the integrity of his institution as if it were some unattainable goddess, a.k.a. a tool. This official was a tool of the highest caliber. As we tried to reason with him about the garage, which had actually been a home made sound proof room from the previous tenants who were in a band called Anthym. We asked him how many people he thought could actually park 2 full size cars in their garage. "I'd say 90%" was his response, meanwhile their neighbor had 2 jetskis on a trailer blocking entrance to his garage, also against the rules but you didn't see the official doing anything about it.
The drama moves closer to home. So, the citizens of my street, or at least 2/3 of them, saw fit to inact what La Mirada calls the "Preferential Parking Program" on our street. Under this system, only cars registered to people living on the street are able to receive a parking permit that enables them to leave a car parked curbside. Unless you have a permit you are unable to park on my street no matter what time or day. The campaign was spearheaded by old people who have nothing better to do and no one visiting them, soccer moms who have nothing better to do and no one visiting them, and pathetic broken men who cannot think for themselves and no one would ever want to visit. If people come over unexpectedly, they're pretty much boned unless they can fit in the driveway or I give them my parking pass, which by the way is against the rules. In order for visitors to park on the curb they must have a "Temporary Parking Pass" which you must go down to the Public Safety office to get and is valid for one day. The last time Rachelle went down there to get 15 parking passes the women complained that she was too busy to do them, bear in mind that all that is on these permits is my address, the date, and the officials signature. That's it. Those 15 passes took over 30 minutes to make, and Rachelle was told she needed to "call ahead next time if you want that many passes" because Rachelle had chosen "the busiest time of the day". All the lady was doing was answering phones.
This morning Rachelle had some friends from work come by for a big Christmas Breakfast Party; they're all night shift people so they do weird stuff like a party at breakfast. Saturday evening I went and got 15 passes which were no longer hand written. This time they wrote out one and then photocopied 15 which was fine by me. But, I thought her party was Sunday morning and told him the date was 12/10 rather than the 12/11 it actually was. We really didn't think anything of it, writing a "1" over the "0" believing it a waste of our time as well as Public Safety's for us to go back and make them photocopy more. Rachelle's friends begin to arrive and they place the photocopied permits in their cars while I blissfully slumber. But my bliss was short lived because Rachelle wakes me up to tell me that her friends are getting tickets. I go outside and the Public Safety officer tells me that one of the neighbors complained people were parking on the street because, like I said, my neighbors have no freaking life. The officers first complaint was that the permits were photocopies, which we said, "Yea that's what you gave us". To be honest the officer, as I have stated above, was inadvertantly the "bad guy" and was merely doing what he was told from his supervisor, which he called about the situation. I wasn't mad at him, I understoood he was a mere pawn in the game of deception La Mirada was playing. He apologized, saying he couldn't take back the five $40 tickets he had already written but that he wouldn't write anymore. I immediately went down to the Public Safety office and asked for 15 permits and to talk to whoever was in charge. As the girl began to write out a permit one of the others said, "Don't we just photocopy them, that's what I always do?" which made me chuckle. The boss came out, a short Asian woman who looked like she was ready for a fight. But I was not angry and remained polite yet forceful as I pointed out the logical flaws in their system of doing things in relation to their purpose/the purpose of the permits. I admitted up front that I had mistakenly said the wrong day and changed the date, having never used them on the 10th, because I thought it a waste of both our time and reources to come back for more photocopies. The whole time I spoke or tried to make a point she would slowly shake her head like she was saying "No" to everything I said. "By changing the day, you tampered witha binding legal document. Could you do that on your Federal Taxes"? In my head I was thinking please leave your straw man arguments out of this and I replied that the two are not remotely the same. When I said that I didn't want to waste their time she stopped me and said, "Oh no, its not a waste of time. We're open 12 hours each day to be here for you and the purpose of the permit parking is to serve you, so you should have come back and gotten more permits". I replied, "How exactly does issuing tickets to the people who live on the street, the very ones you say you are here for, a service to me"? She gave some BS answer and said there was nothing she could do and she would not rescind the tickets, thereby displaying the toolish symptoms we had spoken of earlier.
I, being the gracious person that I am, have decided that I really should take the Public Safety office up on the generous amount of time and resources they have allocated to
serving me. Therefore, starting tomorrow I will be going to the Public Safety office everyday and obtaining the maximum amount of Temporary Parking Permits allowed (there appears to be no set number currently according to the city's bylaws).
The objective: To have the tickets cleared or allow the city of La Mirada to serve me, like they said they want to do, so much that I take up enough resources and man hours that it would have been cheaper to simply rescind the tickets in the first place.
A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul. ~Franz Kafka
