You Were Right

Last week I officially finished my first unit of Clinical Pastoral Education towards being accredited as hospital chaplain. For our final meeting we had to complete an exit interview report that turned out to be about 9 pages long. One of the questions asked: "What patient relationships have meant the most to you..." and I answered from the last 6 months with two patients. One is Shaya.

Shaya is vampire loving, cynical, goth, funny, black wearing, moody, anime watching teenager that I have been visiting for the past 5 months. Needless to say, we get along famously. She is a resident in our critical care facility at the hospital that is reserved for medically fragile children. When I say "resident", I mean that she lives at the hospital. She is restricted to a ventilator to always keep her lungs working whether in bed or in her wheelchair. When I visit her, she is home. It's different than a patient in the hospital proper. We hang out. Talk about guys that she likes, I help her with her homework, we play games, talk about her artwork, I am broadening her anime horizons which we occasionally watch together. Sometimes we talk about spiritual things, sometimes about how she's feeling, sometimes I just keep her company. When I was first getting to know her, she and the nurses hazed me one night during karaoke... yea that's right karaoke... in which they made me sing "Material Girl" by Madonna. Last Saturday was the annual Christmas Party and Shaya said she didn't want to get her picture taken with Santa and Mrs. Claus. So I made a deal with her. We would both be in the picture and I would sit on Mrs. Claus' lap, which I of course did and I think Mrs. Claus enjoyed. There were many families there that day and everyone seemed to have a good time. The party was from 1-3pm and about 4pm I decided I decided I best head out. Shaya put up a fuss like normal and finally let me go saying: "You're going to miss me."

Shaya died yesterday, Christmas Eve. Her last day on earth was spent talking with the San Diego Charger's LaDainian Tomlinson, better known as LT, in which she was interviewed, and subsequently on the evening news, during his time passing out presents at the hospital. Then she sweet talked the staff into giving her her Christmas presents early. Finally, she stayed up until 1am with another resident watching movies. Four hours later she passed away.

I knew when I began work at the hospital that I would experience loss. On average, a child dies at the hospital every other day. That isn't something I like to relegate to a ratio, but it is what it is. And it's not like I am a stranger to loss either. That's part of the reason why I wanted to go into this field; I know what it's like to have a loved one die. But this was Shaya , she wasn't sick, she was fine. She was not the page I was expecting to wake up to. 20 minutes later I wasn't greeted by her when I walked into her room this time rather by her intensely grieving parents. If you had told me that my Christmas Eve would be spending 4 1/2 hours being with Shaya's parents as I helped them mourn her loss and helped the staff mourn her loss, I wouldn't have wanted to believe it. But...

There is no place on earth I would have rather been at that moment than right there with them.

And she was right. I do miss her.

James Jean

I have held a love for the work of James Jean since I first stumbled upon his work while sifting through the garbage heap that is the interwebs. Ever since then I have lurked his website and blog, drooling over beautiful artwork and reading the interesting comments he put forth on his work. I would love to own one of his pieces, I often peruse his available prints looking for something that would be remotely acceptable to Rachelle.

He has a show coming up in New York. Stupid New York. Not to mention, a few months ago he announced that he would no longer be illustrating the covers for Fables. Sadness. Check out his stuff, buy it, love it, tell your friends about it.

Hitchhiker's Guide To Soft Drinks

If you find yourself travelling around the country and incredibly parched, make sure to keep this graph with you other wise you may unwittingly order the wrong soda.. er... coke... I mean... pop. Screw all of them, I ask for a Dr. Pepper! Dr. Pepper is what Jesus drinks. I bet the Anti-Christ will love Dr. Pepper too. I bet that will be confusing for them. You know when there is someone that you really can't stand, yet they have a similar love that you have? And you think to yourself: "How can they love that too? I hate everything about them" so part of you respects them for that one thing despite all the bad blood between you both. Yea, that's going to be Dr. Pepper for Jesus and, from the emails I see flying around the interwebs, Obama.

CHRI$TMA$

How much are you going to spend (already have?) on Christmas? Last year, Americans spent a whopping $474 billion dollars during the holiday season. I have included this interesting little piece of statistics for all those interested. My favorite part is the section about "holiday debt" that states that "16.8%" of total American credit card debt for 2007 was tallied during the months of November and December. Oh yea, and "1/3 of the consumers were still paying off debt from teh 2006 holday season".

Remember to make wise purchasing decisions or... "conspire".

The Crisis Is Only Just Beginning?

Per Wikipedia: "AIDS has killed more than 25 million people between 1981 and 2007, and an estimated 33 million people worldwide live with HIV as of 2007, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 2 million lives in 2007, of which about 270,000 were children."

AIDS is an epidemic. In that epidemic, much has been done to combat the virus. It's been 20 years and in our financially declining country, I wonder how well our money has been spent? Don't get me wrong, I think we ought to continue to take steps to promote AIDS awareness and fight the disease. But, I think, we must also realize that it is one of many diseases out there, with others having a far worse impact than AIDS does. As staggering as the numbers above are, more children die from pneumonia than AIDS, malaria, and measles combined.

"In Ethiopia, Rwanda, Uganda and elsewhere, donations for HIV projects routinely outstrip the entire national health budgets. In a 2006 report, Rwandan officials noted a 'gross misallocation of resources' in health: $47 million went to HIV, $18 million went to malaria, the country's biggest killer, and $1 million went to childhood illnesses... But across Africa, about 1.5 million doctors and nurses are still needed, and hospitals regularly run out of basic medicines."

AIDS is a global problem. But I think it has received the financing and awareness that it has, frankly, because it's a disease that Americans face. We like to talk about AIDS, it's an acceptable part of our culture. How many people want to talk about children all over the world dying of diarrhea? How many people even think that that still occurs today?

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this. I think that AIDS research and funding are great and want to promote them. At the same time, I look around and think: "The money is going to run out sometime, who needs it the most?". I really hope that it doesn't run out and we can continue to fight suffering of all kinds and on all fronts. But as today is supposed to remind us, it takes awareness to make that happen.

26 Types Of Animals

Two loves of mine, typefaces and animals, combined into one glorious entity. What's not to love?

Sickgiving

So I wasn't feeling good (sore throat and sinuses) over Thanksgiving and continue to be a little sniffily. I am feeling much better but still a little worn down. Rachelle was in Whittier for Thanksgiving which meant me laying on the couch sucking on a cough drop and watching instant Netflix movies through my Xbox 360. That is one of the new features of Xbox Live and is really cool. Turn on the Xbox, go to my movie queue and start watching; no waiting for them to come in the mail. Their instant library is lacking but they keep adding to it all the time. Here was my Sickgiving movies:

Dog Day Afternoon
Great movie. I thought it was going to be your sort of standard bank robbery gone awry kind of movie. Of course it has that, but I was not expecting the social issues that take place in this retelling of actual events. Pacino is great. His character is real, likeable, and just in over his head. I suggest you check it out.









Ghost In The Shell
I've seen the second GitS movie and the anime series, but I had yet to see the original. If you are unfamiliar with GitS, it is the future and computerization is at a peak. The main character and most of her cohorts are either partially machine, cyborgs, or completely synthetic with nothing original than thier mind and "ghost", aka soul. The animation was fantastic, even in the action scenes. A regrettable aspect of this "watch instantly" stuff is the inability to switch language and subtitles. I'm normally not a fan of english voice acting and this was not an exception. I know it's hard to make english dialog fit and I respect them for the effort, just not my cup of tea. If you are into film in any form, check it out.



Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Yes, my guilty pleasure of the bunch. Some of you are thinking: "How is this one the guity pleasure?!" but it is for me. I wasn't a huge fan of this in the theaters, I thought it was adequate/good. Wanted a little Jack Sparrow and hadn't seen it since it came out so what the heck. I may have liked it better the second time, something that doesn't happen too often for me. I'm sure everyone has seen this movie so I won't explain it. It was good enough.




Blood: The Last Vampire
This was a short 40 minute action/horror jaunt into the demon slaying world. I have seen much of Blood+ but have never seen this short original picture of Saia. Production I.G have been and continue to be dope. The animation is beautiful. Here is something I don't say often, the english voice acting was good; some of the best I've heard. Possibly because both Japanese and English are present, but whatever the reason it's good. Obviously bloody and for an adult audience



THX 1138
Georg Lucas, before he became the great destroyer he is today, began as a great provider. But somewhere around 1984, I think, he went and lost his damn mind. Strangely enough this transition happened around the time he made The Ewok Adventures, an amazing piece of fail. THX 1138 is an interesting film. It's the future and drugs are mandatorily used to pacify people. The most interesting aspect to me, and this shows where my biases lie, was in the portrayal of religion in the film. Many futuristic movies tend toward a ultra modern societal view in which religion is banned or simply lost due to lack of interest. I was very interested in how "religion" was an encouraged aspect for these people, not in a spiritual sense but as another means of control. For many people today prayer is simply a coping mechanism, and the films depiction of religious activity was far more real and disturbing than a future without spirituality at all. I liked it, liked all the actors, especially liked the themes it brought to mind i.e. absence of action, religion, big brother, sexuality, etc. I suggest it for those who are into sci/fi. If you aren't a science fiction person, I would pass on it maybe.

Ghost World
Netflix suggested this movie for me, so I went for it. The movie is from 2001 and features a young Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson as the main characters opposite a favorite actor of mine, Steve Buscemi. Buscemi plays an eclectic, nerdy guy that Birch mocks at first and then sees him as her future self. Not sure what to say about this one. I liked it well enough.









The King Of Kong
I had wanted to see this for while. This is a documentary of the battle for the high score in Donkey Kong and the men who ruin their lives in pursuit of it; I'm not sure if that's how the people view it but I sure do. This is an interesting step into gamer culture. If I may digress for a moment, I am a nerd.

We nerds can smell our own and this flick is ripe with them. There are many different types of nerds in the nerd hierarchy, but overall most will fall into a broader category of the "timid nerd". You see, nerds are used to being made fun of for their, usually, high intelligence which in turn causes the nerd to segregate themselves from the rest of humanity lest they be made fun of by the dreaded captain of the football team. Ultimately they care about how the world views them and they keep their nerdiness hidden except to those who will view their obscene amount of knowledge about a niche item as a good and enviable thing.

Occasionally there is a nerd that will arise with an ability to cross the lines of "normal" and "nerd" that usually manifests itself in something that your everyday household nerd usually lacks... self confidence. Don't get me wrong a nerd can be confident, but only in as far as their medium (video games, computers, anime, etc.) allows them to comfortably be. I'm confident enough to say that I am one of these people. My confidence came not from how smart I felt I was, or if I thought I was good looking, but merely because I didn't care what other people thought. I would go to an anime club meeting one night, playing poker another, and then be leading my floor in a revolt against the RD another night. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, whatever that means, it's just the way it was. I did what I wanted. Some people will read this or other thoughts I have written and think: "This guy is a prideful jerk" which may be the case sometimes but often I am just being me and confidence comes out. I'm human with fears too, but I guess I'm just trying to say that confidence is something others can feel and will yield to.

Now the nerd sees this person and deduces, often incorrectly, that confidence is merely an equation of actions that can be copied. In other words... they fake it. Their overcompensation is a mask to hide their fear. But they can overcompensate to a point where they fall into another official gamer category: "The Douschebag". (I imagine Eric is reading this and laughing thinking of some WoW players we have met before.) The D-Bag often is praised for his "douscebaggery" by the "padawan/leech nerds". The leech has nerdom goals for themselves but they have so aligned themselves with their Douschebag king that their own sense of being is directly effected by the victories and especially losses of the king. They envy an ability that the rest of the world sees as trite or meaningless. The D-Bag's whole world revolves round his praise and accolades from the leeches who feed the thought that his is a meaningful existence. Sad but true.

Why did I write all of this? What I just wrote is essentially the entire movie The King Of Kong.

A Diver Comes

It's been a bit of an emotional and tiring week.

On Monday I received a text from a friend saying that a student and friend of mine, Andy Caldera, had gone into the hospital and that the doctors believed he would not survive the day. Andy had been fighting an increasingly tough battle with cancer for the last 10 months. I was thankful that this was happening on a Monday, any other day and I would have been at work. So I drove up to Los Angeles to see Andy and be whatever support I could to the family.

Something that working in a hospital gives you is some insight into what can reasonably be done, especially for someone in Andy's position. I stood in the ER with the family and the doctor in charge as he began to say some things that "could" be done. As I listened to the invasive, painful, and ultimately useless procedures that the doctor dangled before the family as a glimmer of hope. I couldn't help but be saddened knowing none of them could or would be done and that the good doctor had made the inevitable all the harder. When you have a Urologist telling you what could be done in the lungs, be skeptical. I couldn't bring myself to tell Andy's dad that those things wouldn't happen, it's not my place, especially when he spoke with such hope because of what the doctor had said. Hope is not something to be dashed.

On November 17, just 10 days after his 18th birthday, Andy died in the presence of his family and friends. Andy had been in the small group I led for two years while at Wacc. In fact, he was the first student I befriended in the youth ministry. When I began volunteering in the High School Ministry, the first event I attended was the "Lasertag Overnighter". As the night began I suddenly realized that I didn't know any staff or students and that I would be locked in the same room with these complete strangers for 12 hours... it was going to be a long night. I grabbed some pizza and sat to eat alone, how I imagined most of the night would be. Then from across the room I see a big, tall, hairy high schooler wearing an Underoath shirt looking my way. He motioned to his friends and walked toward me, introducing himself as Andy. He and his friends sat down and we all started talking. One of the first things we did was play a game that would become one of our favorites: "Hot Seat". In the game the person in the hot seat has to answer any question posed no matter what it may be. I answered every question they asked, including some you don't often share with near strangers. That night the group of guys went to John, the Youth Pastor, and asked if I could be their small group leader. And thus history was made. I'm glad I was able to work with Andy and all the guys in my small group. I can honestly say that I loved them all. I don't think it was coincidence that I was their leader, or that I would be in Whittier exactly 2 years and move just as they graduated. Or that I would become a hospital chaplain and then be able to use that later with his family. Not for a second.

As I was driving back to San Diego at around 1am I began to think of a song for Andy. A song that I felt was able to encapsulate Andy's life and my feelings. If this sounds weird, it comes from when my sister died. A song that was played at her memorial was Alphaville's "Forever Young". To this day when I hear it I think of her. So now Andy needed a song, or rather I needed a song for Andy. I thought long and hard, nothing seemed right. Then I was struck with the obviousness of he choice because it is my favorite song by Sigur Ros. I opened my mouth and said the name of my favorite song of theirs, "Sæglópur". And immediately that very song began playing on the radio... did I say earlier that I don't believe in coincidence? In case you are saying: "Well of course they are playing the number one song on the pop charts!" know that this song is off an album that is 3 years old and... oh yea... in Icelandic. Not exactly something you hear on the radio, actually now that I think about it I have never heard it on the radio before that night.



It's an amazing song, so full of emotion. And that night as I drove home it was a beautiful reminder to me of Andy's struggle to survive. Sæglópur means "a lost seafarer" and any sailor worth his salt will fight to return home to his family and friends.

Sæglópur, á lífi
A lost seafarer, alive

kominn heim
has returned home

Sometimes those who are lost are able to find their way home. Sometimes those with cancer are able to fend it off and go on living their lives. As the song plays out the music slowly ramps up higher and higher to a fever pitch. I imagine the lost sailor struggling against harsh winds and heavy seas. The battle has become hopeless yet there is nothing that can be done except to push on. In a crescendo, the sailor is thrown overboard. Unlike the others that piloted their ships safely into port, there will be no triumphant homecoming. Or so he thinks.

það kemur kafari
a diver comes

kominn heim
has returned home

Out of the murky depths a diver comes for the unlucky sæglópurs who never made it home in this life. The diver makes the journey for them and brings them home once again. And as I think of Andy taking his final breath in that hospital room, in my mind a diver comes. A diver came to bring Andy to his eternal home. At the moment Andy died their was a feeling of peace where we all silently waited. Before I even knew he was gone, we knew. It had changed, the air had changed. His struggle was over and we were all relieved.


This is for the sæglópur, finally at home. I will miss you.

In Flanders Fields

Being Veterans/Remembrance Day and all, I thought this reflection was rather appropriate.

Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae was a Canadian born physician, professor, author, poet, and soldier. When World War I broke out, McCrae was appointed a field surgeon in the 1st Field Artillery Brigade and head of the field hospital during the Second Battle Of Ypres. Death was a matter of sort during these days of intense fighting. Yet one death in particular stung deeper. Lt. Alexis Helmer had been a student and friend of McCrae prior to the war, and on May 2, 1915 he was killed in battle. In the absence of a chaplain, McCrae presided over the funeral for his fallen friend.
Shortly afterword he wrote In Flanders Fields:

In Flanders fields, the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below...

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields...

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields...

The poem has the obvious call to continue the ongoing struggle of one country against another and, in fact, this poem was used as a rally cry to bring the USA into WWI. But I think, and I like to think that McCrae thought as well, that war is not simply a reason for humanity to fight. That his war, and all wars to follow, were fought for the minds and hearts of both the allies and the enemies. What they were fighting against wasn't just the figures across "no man's land", they fought for an ideal. They fought to quail the injustices that the powerful perpetrated on the weak. Hatred and prejudice would not be allowed to flourish. These are the messages that I believe were in the hearts of those on the front lines.

As I think about our world today, the battle has been brought to our doorstep. We fight that same fight everyday in our homes with our families, on the job, wherever we might be. The question remains: Will we allow hate, prejudice and injustice to reign? It's a battle that is right in front of us, but unlike real combat, we must choose whether we will fight.

I'm Calling CPS, Father William

In continuing with previous reflections, one I did a few weeks ago.

I had become struck by the fact that many of the children who are patients in the hospital happen to display coping skills beyond expectation and, consequently, beyond their parents as well. The truth of the matter is that many of these kids are far more accepting of their diagnoses than their parents are, no matter the prognosis. Yet at the same time it is easy to go into a room and dismiss the patients ideas about their future because of their age. Or worse, expect the patient to not understand what is happening to them at all and then completely ignore the meaning they have come up with to help themselves through the situation.

I have seen parents grow more and more distant from their children, to the point that they stop visiting. I have seen parents take fantastic care of their children, being 100% supportive. It's not that all family's are bad or good, it's about how well they are able to mold themselves to their current situation. Frankly, children are often better at rolling with the punches than most adults.

A child's life is not wrapped around an ideal. Parents come in with beliefs, expectations, understandings of what life is and how it "ought" to work. Kids don't have that rigidness. And this is completely a side note, please don't "explain" death as: "You go to be with Jesus". That is not an answer, it's a loaded statement that they really don't understand and then the chaplain gets to unpack that for them into a way they can understand. Death is part of life so explain it in simple, clear, honest, and understandable terms. The sooner you do it the better. Acceptance of death as a natural thing will save them years of misery in the long run.

As I began to think of these sage-like children I remembered Lewis Carrol's: You Are Old, Father William.
"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And you have grown must uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned back a somersault in at the door--
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment--one shilling a box--
Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eyes was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!"

The poem describes a youth who continually questions the wisdom of his elder and rightly so. In the end the father answers, as many parents do when they are asked a lot of questions, with the non-answer of: "Because I said so".

My message to the other chaplains was not to discount any of our patients because of their age and don't expect bountiful wisdom from all parents because of their age. Instead we must be prepared for anything, to be anything that is needed. Because everyone is in need of something: wisdom, comfort, understanding, hope, someone to listen, someone to play a video game. But not everyone is willing to take the time to find out what it is. Really, it's easier to check out their cover, make a judgment, and then give them what you think they need.

Where Soul Meets Body

I know I haven't been writing much lately. I've been busy and nothing has seemed to come up to write about. A thought I had a while ago was to share the reflections I have done with the other chaplains. This was today's reflection.

Last week I was listening to Pandora.com (all thanks go to Dan) and listened to a song I hadn't heard in a long time and a band that I don't normally listen to while partaking of the Muse station: "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab For Cutie. During my reflection I played the song and typed out the lyrics for everyone to have.



For some reason I was particularly struck by the song at this time. I had heard it before but something had changed. It had a different meaning this go around for me. As I was listening to the beginning:

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Here is, what I presume to be, some sort of immaterial being who wants desperately to become human, the only way for a soul and body to be one. Life is beautiful and it wants to experience what it can only be an observer of.

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

The bus station has sort of become an iconic spot for a new beginning. You can get anywhere you want at the least expensive price. It reminds me of Red from "The Shawshank Redemption" as he rides the greyhound to his new life and says: "I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope". It's knowing we are finally where we belong.

And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

A new life doesn't mean it will be perfect, you still get your hands dirty, but it's worth it. And perhaps most importantly is that we are not alone in this journey.

As I think about my work, it is easy to focus on death. Death is all around. Hell, last week I saw a dead kid in one of the morgue freezers. A kid we had been visiting and had died over the weekend. With babies in the NICU going through so much to live and generally kids spending more time in the hospital than school it's easy to think of them not getting to live a "full life"... however you measure that.

But as I was listening to this song I had thought that went through my head that I enjoyed a great deal. Perhaps all our souls were like the beginning of this song, aching so badly to live. The baby in the NICU, the kid on Hem/Onc with cancer, or the little one in PICU all decided to live despite knowing full well the pains that they might one day face because of how amazing it would be. It is where they belong, no matter how short or long it may be.

And if you are reading this thinking that they didn't get to make a difference, it couldn't be further from the truth. The effect of the lives of these kids, whether 1 day or 17 years, has a profound impact on so many people. It's amazing to see.

Conversations In A Hospital II

(Guy is wearing a Boba Fett shirt) "We could watch Return Of The Jedi."
"You don't want to do that. Boba Fett dies in that one."
"Oh yea that's true."
"How is it that the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter is killed by falling into a pit because of a jet pack malfunction? It's just such an ignominious death."
"Yea that sucked."

"Adult cats are lactose intolerant. Why do people always want to give them milk?"
"Can you milk a cat?"
"Oh yea, you can milk anything with nipples."

"What kind of Baptists were they?"
"The kind that dance."
"That reminds me of the joke about the Hassidic rabbi who says all sexual positions are acceptable except for one: standing up because that could lead to dancing."
"That wasn't at all inappropriate."

"I spent some time in Mesa Vista."
"The psych hospital? Why?"
"I was diagnosed as Bipolar. People there were crazy. There was this guy always looking at me and waving me over to his room and wanting me to try and let him out. No way I was going to try and let him out. When people got too crazy they got the booty juice".
"What's the booty juice?"
"I don't know. But nurses came in with a huge needle and you got it in the booty."
"What happened to them?"
"After that they were taken away; I never saw them again. I made sure not to get the booty juice."
"It was for the best, I'm sure."

(Med student walks up) "Are you the Neurologist?"
"Heh.. no. I'm the chaplain."
"Oh ok."
"But if you like I can tell you how the brain works?"
"Yea?"
"Magic. If you have any other brain related questions don't hesitate to ask."

"Mi nombre es Ryan, soy el capellan de este hospital. ?Sabe usted que es un capellan?"
"No."
"Un capellan es un pastor que trabaja en hospitales. Como un sacerdote."
"Oh, sacerdote, si. Gracias para visitas."
"De nada."

"You remember your teacher last year in 2nd grade? What was her name?"
"Mrs. Smith. She loves vodka."
"God bless children."

(In Med/Surg interdisciplinary rounds)
"This kiddo had an open wound and fell at a farm and now his leg is septic."
"Ugh. Who knows what he could have fallen in. Place is probably crawling with Mad Cow disease or something."
"Hey! I grew up on a farm!"
"That explains a lot."

"Hi I'm a chaplain."
"Nobody's dying, we don't need a priest."
"Well, that's good because I'm not a priest."
"I'm Agnostic!"
"Great. So what brings you to the hospital?"

"Let me ask you something. Do they hire good looking people here on purpose?"
"What?"
"The staff here are all young and hot. I've worked in places where bosses hired the prettiest people to help with customer service."
"Well the medical profession is a young field and we are in San Diego so maybe that brings the good looking folks."
"I don't know how you guys get any work done."

More...more...more...

Striving For Normal

Working in a hospital is like traipsing through a Salvador Dali painting.

Everyone there knows something is wrong but they can't quite put their finger on it. They walk through the halls convincing themselves that what they see at every turn is normal. It is most certainly not normal. When I first started working I thought I was going to need to prepare myself ala Dave Chapelle when he describes preparing himself for going to the ghetto: "I'm gonna see some loud shit, I need to prepare myself. I'm gonna see something crazy". And crazy is there, don't get me wrong. But by the time the crazy comes you've already been lulled into a stupor by the constant state of sickness, of the unknown, anxiousness, shattered hopes, the 5th last straw. The way it sneaks up on you is sinister. Soon all of that becomes what we call "normal". If you aren't tracking with me, let me describe a recent situation.

A person codes, which is hospital talk for drops dead, in the middle of a hall surrounded by children and myself. During all this a fellow chaplain who was there asked me if I wouldn't mind terribly grabbing his lunch that was left in the cafeteria when he came up. I happily obliged him. It was around that time, when shouts of: "Eppy now!" rang through the unit, life hung in the balance, and with children screaming that the San Diego Chargers cheerleaders came prancing into the unit heading directly into this divine comedy. They waved their pom poms as if cheering death toward the goal line. He must have been inspired that day, it was 1st and inches. Sadly, I had to leave the game, I had plans of my own. I was late to play video games with a patient before he went to surgery. I won, 4-0. Not sure how well Death rounded out the day but I know of 1 victory for sure. You keep telling yourself this can't possibly be real, can it?

I now see part of my job is to be a remembrance to the patients and families of what normal actually is, standing as an effigy of what life is for most and ought to be for them as well. The only problem is that effigies have a tendency of getting burned.

A song always comes to mind when I'm trying to describe this feeling: Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town << right click and listen in a new tab

I seem to recognize your face.
Haunting familiar, yet I can't seem to place it.
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name.
Lifetimes are catching up with me.
All these changes taking place.
I wish I'd seen the place but no one's ever taken me.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.

I swear I recognize your breath.
Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising.
Me you wouldn't recall for I'm not my former.
It's hard when your stuck upon the shelf.
I changed by not changing at all.
Small town predicts my fate.
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see.
I just want to scream, "Hello."
My god its been so long.
Never dreamed you'd return.
But now here you are and here I am.
Hearts and thoughts they fade away.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.
Hearts and thoughts they fade away. Yeah.
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.
Hearts and thoughts they fade...

Conversations In A Hospital

"I like to listen to metal. I have a bunch of Ozzy Osbourne records."
"So you like Black Sabbath? Are you into Led Zeppelin at all."

"I've been playing some video games, but they aren't very good."
"What do they have?"
"Thrillville."
"Isn't that the game where you make roller coasters?"
"Yea."
"Yea, that's no good."

"Hello, I'm a chaplain."
"It's alright, no thanks."

"I was walking down the street in broad day light and two men grabbed me and tried to kidnap me. One of them had a knife and he stabbed me here in the shoulder. Ever since then I pray a lot."
"I bet."

"I want to have 3 inch spikes drilled into my spine. It's gonna be cool."
"How are you going to sit in a chair?"

"Did Jesus have a last name? Was it Christ?"
"No, I think he was like Prince and Madonna."
"Jesus H Christ. And what does the H stand for?"
"Hoobastank."

"I'm looking forward to Friday night karaoke at the Convalescent Hospital."
"I'm bringing a video camera."

"How was the luau at lunch?"
"Good. Smoke from the BBQ was getting sucked into the Operating Rooms though. The surgeons are pissed."
"Did they stop the BBQ?"
"Nope."

"How did you get hurt?"
"Playing football."
"What position do you play?"
"Defensive Tackle."
"Hmmm... I guess I better pray that you get bigger too."

"Have any of your friends come to visit you?"
"No. I haven't told them that I'm in the hospital."
"Why not?"
"It's embarrassing."
"Being in the hospital doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're human."

*Finish praying*
"I'm sorry I'm crying."
"You don't need to apologize."

More to come...

Red Ring Of Death

We all live with fear to some extent.

For example, I have always been afraid of heights, they just make me very uncomfortable. I don't how I worked as a High Adventure Guide when I worked at Hume Lake. Even watching something on TV where guys are on top of high high rise buildings or something will cause me to sweat a little. Granted my TV with HD is more clear then when I look out a window, but still.

Another great fear that I have, a great fear that all Xbox 360 owners have, is the Red Ring Of Death. It means that your console has had a major hardware failure, usually because the console has overheated. Then it magically becomes a $400 paper weight.That right there is the Red Ring Of Death. Not any old generic picture of the Red Ring Of Death. That is my Red Ring Of Death. Yea. Luckily, Microsoft knows that they really screwed up in making their GPU from thier own specs and sending it to Taiwan for 10 year olds in sweat shops to make rather than sending it to a reputable producer. So a RROD means you can get a free fix no matter when your warranty expired; mine expired in May.

All I wanted to do was have a nice quiet Sunday at home killing zombies. Nope. Hopefully in a few weeks I can get back on the horse.

So a Rabbi, a Catholic, a Evangelical, a Unitarian and two Seventh Day Adventists walk into a Children's Hospital...

The beginning of of bad joke? Nope... my hospital chaplaincy program has begun.

I'm about a week into the CPE Chaplaincy Internship at Rady Children's Hospital. As you have already read, the interns are all from varying backgrounds. It's been fun the last few days, all the interns are very curious about the others beliefs, denominations, how a worship service works, everything. We did a meditation together the other day by reading through a Psalm. I couldn't help but think about how I could probably count all the people at Talbot who would feel comfortable doing this spiritual exercise on one hand. The fact that I am completely comfortable is one of the reasons why I feel like this is where I ought to be. And I know I will be helping people in great need.

I am by far the youngest; probably have about a decade on the next person and most others are in their 40's. If I were at a normal hospital I may have felt at a disadvantage because of this. I have already felt the ageism of being a young chaplain when I was going around with Pastor Curt in Whittier. But at a Children's Hospital I feel like my age is now an advantage. I'm used to working with Jr. High and High School aged students and this will be much the same in that regard.

I said I would be getting to help people in great need. The despair is written all over the faces of the people when you walk down the hall. I have barely been in the hospital except for a tour and you couldn't walk through a unit without seeing the familiar sight of red eyes and the lumbering shuffle of a parent with the weight of life and death on their back. They all look for a place to hide, a bench or elevator, away from the children to whom they say everything will be ok.

It makes me sad to think about but excited to know that I will help.

Lowered Expectations = Crap

I have been having to give some warnings before my posts as of late and this one is no different. Many people see the church or church leaders and to say anything negative is unwanted. I understand why. However I am very critical of church leaders, just as critical as I am of myself. I put them up to a standard I set for myself and it's high, especially youth pastors.

The youth pastor of our church spoke on Sunday in "Big Church" while Pastor Tim is away. It was not good. My actual words to Rachelle as we left were: "That was painful... painful". You know you are in for a treat when the first words to hear are: "Websters Dictionary defines...". Oh wait, not treat, I meant mediocre High School essay. He went on to teach a topical sermon on "bad habits" where he essentially said alcoholism, depression, etc. are the same as biting your nails, not putting your dirty socks in the laundry basket, etc. and all were solved by simply thinking of God more. It was obvious that he had never been through any of the things he talked about. Also obvious was that he had never gotten out of a Christian culture, telling us we shouldn't watch certain movies while he was up there. It was a "weaker brother" placed in a leadership position that is most likely beyond him.

He was up there and pretty much everyone knew it was bad but is there any repercussion for it? The response of the churchgoers for the most part was the normal: "I need to be positive and get something out of this!". The other response and by far the most dangerous was: "Well, he's just the youth pastor... sooo yea". It is the fact that we are ok with crap that really bothers me. We make excuses for crap, when what we should be saying is: "This crap is unacceptable". If anything we ought to expect more from our youth leaders than we do from those speaking to adults. When parents are going to work do they have pressures everyday to cheat, lie, steal, are they encouraged to have promiscuous sexual relationships, to drink, do drugs, hitting the depths of depression and suicide with no one to talk to? Think I'm wrong? Think it isn't your teen? That's where many of our youth are. Have a conversation with a teen who is choking themselves in order to stop feeling... anything... and they think it isn't a big deal, and let me know how big a deal it is that they have good teachers. Have a conversation with a student with cancer, a girl whose been raped, clinically diagnosed as bipolar, likes to cut themselves, thinks meth is "no big deal". Are we ok teaching them crap as long as they are out of our hair? Do we as parents/guardians value our time over our children? You may say no but what do our actions say?

Lowering our expectations of the church and her leaders is a sure way to destroy any hope we have in helping people and especially youth. Most parents I worked with were interested in a babysitter for their kids which meant more events. Never mind if the events had any lasting spiritual significance, nor if they made outsiders welcome. I can't tell you how angry and frustrating it all is.

Rapture: The Church Strikes Back

I knew when I wrote the Rapture Is A Lie blog that I wouldn't be able to answer all the questions people would have. It's hard enough to keep people's attention when a post gets long, throw in that it's on a theological topic and you're entering dangerous water. As an example, Rachelle has already given up reading this post. ^__^

Kat had a question about another passage in her comment on the first blog. If the Thessalonians passage is the #1 response, then these passages are #2 most common but they are more nuanced than Thess. I refer the the "taken and left" passages found in Matthew 24 and Luke 17: "One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left". Both of these passages, unlike the Thessalonians passage, are talking about end times which does make this a point of interest for this topic. What is Jesus talking about in these passages, is it a rapture that they have been "taken" by?

First, let me outline some of my presuppositions that I try to come to any text with when it comes to interpretation. You already know that I don't believe in the rapture, but even if I did I certainly wouldn't come to this or any text with that in mind because it would cloud my interpretation. All I am coming at this with is a knowledge of who is speaking, who is being spoken to, who is the author, what is the authors themes for the book/passage, what kind of literature is this (narrative, poetry, parable, etc). I'm not using a commentary really, but I already have knowledge of what some commentators say which can also hamper me making up my own mind. I want to be as impartial as possible. I like to think I do this very well. No theology is necessarily set in stone, all is questioned and processed constantly. This kind of thing made my fellow students uncomfortable with me at times. Oh well. It's how my brain works, it's tiresome at times. I spent 7 years getting a Bible undergrad and master's degree and to this day and nearly everyday I will reexamine the evidences and lack for believing in a god. Nearly everyday! I don't really want to do it, but it's there in my head with friends like rapture and others being rethought through in a never ending examination. Tiring.

However this can make for much frustration when you are in the real world where there are deadlines and you are still trying to fit it all together. (Consequently, many of my papers for my Master's degree were late). Really it is like a tapestry, finely woven, intricately patterned, beautiful. We do the Bible such a disservice; we do Jesus such a disservice in our inability to convey how amazing his teaching is. We focus so much on the content that we lose the man in all of it. His style and the depth at which he understands his audience and material is awe inspiring to me as a teacher myself. And forsaking this means we can lose the content we are after. I'll post my interpretation of the mustard seed parable sometime as an example.

See, long winded soap box action. I'm losing people so here goes.

I'll start with Matthew just because his train of thought is easier to see because it is straight forward while Luke is tying together some events that are harder to see the connections. Remember, the gospels are not annals, they aren't history books. Yes they contain historical fact, but that is superseded by what the author wants to teach the reader. Luke and Matthew don't use Jesus' words verbatim because that does not suit their objective. This is sort of a foreign concept to Western minds but it's pretty much the way it is.

This is what I want to you to do when reading the Bible, you probably do it with every other book except the Bible naturally, feel the emotion the author is bringing across. Now I don't mean get some fuzzy feeling, i mean be in awe, be sad, be struck by the compassion of Jesus. Let it penetrate you mentally but also emotionally and spiritually.

After reading these passages for a few hours over and over, processing it over and over again there is a sobering, somber feeling. The reason is because these two passages are essentially a warning. Jesus is exhorting the disciples to watchfulness and preparedness through an introspective understanding of ourselves/the things we may value above God. Are we doing what is right? What do we value? Specifically he says, "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it". But also very practically, this is warning against following false prophets/messiahs. The key illustration that was really perplexing but now makes sense was Jesus saying: "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather". A very dark, almost sinister illustration of what is happening and integral to the explanation of those "taken and left".

Matthew 24:15-28 explains that there will be false prophets, people calling themselves messiah, and rumors of messiah and people are going to fall for it. Jesus says: "So, if they say to you, 'Look, he is in the wilderness,' do not go out. If they say, 'Look, he is in the inner rooms,' do not believe it". Instead he likens his return to like lightning. Everyone will see it, they 'll hear it, it will be obvious: "For as the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man". Those who are fooled are following after death, they have put their hope and belief in nothing and therefore scavenge a corpse: "Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather". It means destruction of the soul that they have brought upon themselves for whatever reason brought them out.

Jesus then likens this destruction to other examples in Matthew 24:36-44:
But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one left.Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

We already saw above what Jesus was concerned about, now we see when and what he likens the destruction of the end to, namely Noah and the flood. Everyone was living out their normal lives when the flood came, they weren't prepared. Remember, preparedness is a key theme. The return of Messiah will be the same way, people will not be prepared and won't realize until the flood, which is the return of messiah in the illustration, is upon them. And by that time what is the state of the person? "The flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man".

Now here is the question: Who is "taken" in the destruction? I would say that the text implies that those bound for destruction are taken. Why do we need to be watchful, prepared, or warned if those taken are believers? It would imply that we have to do something when the rapture happened, like hit the "Beam me up, Jesus!" button. Why must we "stay awake"? He answers with another illustration of a servant and master. We must be prepared, not because we are taken in a rapture, but because we are going to be accountable for what we have done with what God has given us, the kingdom work He placed before us. We must be diligent in our devotion in order that we are not caught up in the flood, the destruction that Messiah's return will herald.

The Luke passage says all this more concisely. Luke 17 the author is getting across that we as disciples need to get to the business of doing what ought to be done.
Luke 17:1-4: Jesus pretty much says stop sinning and don't make others sin or you are really screwed.
Luke 17 5-10: Disciples hear this and so "Oh crap, we need more faith if that's the case!" To which Jesus says in illustration form, "You have more than enough for the job, just do your duty. Doing what is right is not hard. Live your life for God not yourself".
Luke 17:11-19: See even a Samaritan leper, the most disgusting thing to the disciples does what is right without being told. Sort of a "in your face" by the author Luke.

This is the background for the passage we want to look at in Luke 17:22-37 which is very, very close to Matthew 24:15-28 whose point was following after false messiahs will condemn those to destruction.
And he said to the disciples, "The days are coming when you will desire to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it. And they will say to you, 'Look, there!' or 'Look, here!' Do not go out or follow them. For as the lightning flashes and lights up the sky from one side to the other, so will the Son of Man be in his day. But first he must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation. Just as it was in the days of Noah, so will it be in the days of the Son of Man. They were eating and drinking and marrying and being given in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise, just as it was in the days of Lot—they were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, but on the day when Lot went out from Sodom, fire and sulfur rained from heaven and destroyed them all— so will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed. On that day, let the one who is on the housetop, with his goods in the house, not come down to take them away, and likewise let the one who is in the field not turn back. Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it. I tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed. One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left." And they said to him, "Where, Lord?" He said to them, "Where the corpse is, there the vultures will gather."

The descriptions of Noah and introduction of Lot this time both serve to illustrate the same thing as the Matthew passage. The description of the peoples daily lives reminds me of the folly described in Judges where "everyone did what was right in their own eyes". Previously in the chapter, the author has repeated that following God, obeying, doing what is right are what's important but the people described in the Noah/Lot illustration seem to be going through the motions of life without acknowledging God. They were destroyed and... "So will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed". Once again this is a warning. Do not forsake God, let nothing take his place because the consequences are dire: "Let the one who is on the housetop, with his goods in the house, not come down to take them away, and likewise let the one who is in the field not turn back. Remember Lot’s wife". Lot's wife turned back longing for the life she was leaving and she died because of it. Is this all coming together for everyone?

Finally: "'I tell you, in that night there will be two in one bed. One will be taken and the other left. There will be two women grinding together. One will be taken and the other left.' And they said to him, 'Where, Lord?' He said to them, 'Where the corpse is, there the vultures will gather'". If this is about the "rapture of the saints" it is painting a worse picture than any tribulation. From Matthew, we already saw the terribleness of the "corpse/vulture" illustration and now Luke and placed it in direct result of the "taken" passage. If you want to believe that this is teaching that Christians are taken away and the others are left for destruction, you can but it is certainly not what the plain meaning of this passage is pointing to. I asked you to feel for a reason, that reason is because these passages tingle with cold desperation not triumphant escape.

If I just used my brain I may be able to convince myself as some do, that the final illustration is a good thing. The word used for "corpse" in Matthew meant just corpse but here the greek word soma is used which can also mean "body". The word for vultures can also mean "eagles". And so people say: "See! We are taken where? We fly up on wings like eagles around the body of Jesus! Hallelujah". That interpretation goes against any feeling in this passage. It goes against it as a warning, as a call to doing the work of God until the master returns. Instead, we are wisked away from the work of the master in order to sit around until Jesus really comes back. Where is that in this passage? It is no where.

These passages are sobering reminders of the cost of being a disciple but also the overwhelming result for those who are not or are riding the fence saying they follow Jesus but when the rubber meets the road their lives tell a different story. Messiah's return is like a flood and in a flood you are either above the flood waters or you are taken away ("seized"is also a translation for the Greek word used for "taken"). Seized by what? What will cause you to turn back? Pride, possessions, friends, work? They are all called "corpses" that you cling to like a vulture to a dead animal, sucking away the last bits of marrow.

I don't know about you but the last thing I want is to be "taken" as these passages talk about.

All Gone / The Spider Cavern Revisited

I know not many of you have an Xbox 360. You should, then we could play together over Xbox Live. Oh well. I recently signed back up for Xbox Live after a free subscription ran out long ago. I wanted to sign back up to keep in touch with friends back in LA.

All 360 games come with a list of "achievements" for the player to beat in the game. Some you automatically get as you progress through the game, others are hidden. Sometimes they are quite tough, other times they are just pointless and time consuming. I usually bypass those because they take very little skill, just time. I had amassed something like 7000 gamer points, which isn't bad. These are saved on a profile in the box called a "gamer tag".

When I signed back up it retrieved the game tag I had when I last played on Xbox Live. I figured it would just update the old one... nope! All my achievements are gone, actually they are back at 650. And it looks like all my saved stuff is gone too, although it is on the console I can't figure out if I can get the saves back.

I know most of you are saying, "It's just video games." Well it's important to me. So, bite me.

While we're talking about games, The Eric brought to my attention the new Diablo 3.
Eric, Jeff, and I played a lot of Diablo 2. Perhaps one of the most memorable moments between Jeff and I happened while playing that game: The Spider Cavern Incident. I may as well tell it. I've nothing better to do.

(If you don't know what a word is click it because I'm not going to type it all out for you "noobs") The Diablo series is a "dungeon crawler". The 3 of us were playing and Jeff and Eric decided to go into a particular dungeon ahead of me, a dungeon known as "The Spider Cavern". We ventured there to get Khalim's Eye for that old pervert Deckard Cain. Now, they should have waited for me because I was playing my Barbarian who is the classic "tank". Instead Jeff goes charging in with his Paladin and he and Eric are almost instantly destroyed. They respawn and again instantly dead. I see this and I decide maybe I shouldn't go in because everytime you die you lose experience points and when your lvl 80 it takes hours of playing to attain a new level. Everytime you die it's like erasing 5 hours of playing. Meanwhile Jeff has died like 5 times and is screaming at me to get in there. Watching the instant death made me feel like my tank of a barbarian wouldn't make it either. Finally, after many more deaths and a slew of expletives directed toward me: "I'm losing so much cupcake experience! Get the cupcake in there! What the cupcake! Cupcake!". I finally went in and killed all the offending spiders with a barely a scratch to show for it: "Oh I guess it wasn't that bad after all". I have never witnessed Jeff so angry in the tenure of our friendship. It was great. Then Blizzard released the 1.10 patch and made my Barbarian useless. I never used him aain after that, thanks Blizz.

World Of Warcraft sucks.

The Rapture Is A Lie

I am writing this not to put people down, but rather to highlight the frightening lack of intellectualism among Christians. For some, the idea that little rational thought and Christianity often go hand in hand is like commenting that the sky s blue. While I do not feel the same about the detractors, they will look on these ramblings as a bit of silliness. It is my job, literally, to mature Christians in their study of the Bible, and in this I will attempt to do so.

Here is a normal conversation I have with someone:
The topic of rapture somehow comes up. Usually I'm being told how to teach something.
Me - "Yea, I don't believe in a rapture."
Dude - *Blank Stare* "... Don't you read the Bible?"
Me - "Yea. Do you?"
Dude - "Yes, but I guess I take the Bible literally."
Me - "I see. So where does the Bible, literally, talk about a rapture?"
Dude - "Ummm..."
Me - "Why don't you go look it up and we'll talk about it next week."

This is not an uncommon response when it comes to most topics, and in all fairness they don't really need to know it off the top of their head. The hope is that they are going to attempt to rigorously defend a position, that they have given it at least a cursory study. If a person has been spoon fed these ideas and told they are necessary to be a Christian, I will usually start off with a history lesson.

Most people are rather shocked when I tell them that the idea of a rapture is a fairly new innovation, being traced back to the 1830's. (Btw, when you're dealing in thousands of years of tradition, 180 years is considered "new".) The idea started in Britain, where it grew in prominence due to the life and work of John Darby. It is unknown whether Darby really came up with the idea himself. There is evidence that suggests it started with a 15 year old girl in Scotland, Margaret MacDonald, who had a vision of a 2-stage return of Jesus during a Benny Hinn style healing craziness. Darby took this idea and expanded on it when he joined up with the group called the "Plymouth Bretheren". Darby was a hit with these kids and he began teaching a "rapture of the saints" to precede Jesus' return.

While all of this was well and good, we really have the Scofield Reference Bible to thank for our predicament. In 1909, the Scofield Bible began printing and would become the weapon of choice to beat unsuspecting unbelievers over the head, especially during the conception and rise of the "Fundamentalists". And wouldn't you know, rapture was right there in the footnotes telling everyone how and what they ought to believe. (WARNING: DO NOT READ THE STUDY BIBLE FOOTNOTES. ATTEMPT TO THINK FOR YOURSELF) Thank goodness for footnotes! It is from this sordid background that we find the ignoble history of the rapture.

Usually a history lesson isn't quite good enough to cause people to relenquish their death grip on the rapture. I continue the teaching lesson by setting out for the king of supposed rapture prooftexts: 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17.
For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

Every person who I have said, "Why don't you go look it up and we'll talk about it next week" has come back to me with this passage. To be honest, there are other passages people will attempt to bring up but they all share one very significant similarity.

All supposed rapture proof texts are arguments from silence.


Anyway, back to those Thessalonians. Is that passage talking about rapture? No. Is it really concerned with end times at all? Not really. The people are concerned because their fellow Christians have died and everyone thought Jesus would return before anyone died. The point Paul is trying to make is that whether alive or dead, neither is better than the other because all go together to be with Jesus. But we go to meet Jesus in the "air"... huh? That's where Jesus went, if he had gone to Chicago it would say they meet him in Chicago. But we're going to be among the "clouds"... huh? Sure. Are the clouds heaven? Do we stay in the clouds? There are more quesions than answers if you take this to be a rapture text. Not to mention the whole "meet" word in the Greek was the same word used to describe a dignitary who came from a far away land to your country. You then sent men to meet the coming dignitary before they reached your city. What happened next? Did they stay out there? No. Did they go back with the dignitary? No. They escorted the dignitary back to their city. If anything this passage is directly contradicting anything rapture related.

I know there are more passages. Eric and I were talking about this a while ago and he asked me about the Thessalonians passage and what I said about it goes for most rapture proof-texts: If you didn't already have an understanding of what rapture is, would you make the connection that this is teaching Jesus will come to earth, take christians to heaven as a sort of holding tank, then wait around and come back (btw how do you wait around outside of time)? Ridiculous.

My Rock'N'Roll Lifestyle

Rachelle comes home from work and asks what I did today. The answer has been the same the last couple weeks: Watching the Euro Cup in HD and reading. It's been pretty great.

When we decided to move, I didn't want to get any cable or direct tv. Rachelle did though, and I understand that she likes to relax after a long day of work by watching some of her favorite shows. I certainly didn't want to get Tivo, not because I don't like them per se, but because I don't want any machine that helps me watch more TV than I already do. But I have to say that I really have been enjoying the HD channels I never had before for 2 reasons. They look amazing, I can't even tell I'm watching TV instead of a dvd. And there are only about 15 channels; if there aren't anything on those channels I just turn it off. It's great.











The best has been the Euro Cup. You can see the blades of grass on the pitch. Looking forward to the final match between Germany and Spain this Sunday.


Like I said, the only other thing I've really been doing is reading. That's been great too just because my reading has always been forced due to school. Now I get to read what I want to or books I feel would be more helpful in my immediate work.



















I recently finished this book, which was very helpful in framing my goals and intentions when I get into my hospital chaplaincy work. Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in the field of thanatology and the insights she presents are invaluable. I think the most powerful lesson I took from this book was how to talk to children about death. She makes the point that when death is explained to a child either "sleep" is used as an example causing children to believe they will return, or parents simply say "they went to be with Jesus" and how many children view that as a non-answer parents are prone to give, such as "because I said so". Kubler-Ross uses "symbolic language" to honestly deal with the situation and answer the questions they may have.



















I think Jeff probably read this once a year when we were in college, maybe more. I had always wanted to give it a whirl and finally I had the time. I enjoyed it. Read it in just a day and a half. Despite it's futuristic bent/alien war themes it really wasn't as science fiction-y as I thought it would be. More of a war/psychology story set in the future. I did like how Card flushed out the Peter and Valentine characters more. I thought they were only going to be used in the beginning to contrast with Ender but they ended up having a larger role than simply that.



















The sequel to Ender's Game, the two have very little in common other than a changed Ender who was praised in the first book as a hero is now considered a mass murderer. Now Ender must save a new alien species and give a new beginning to the one he destroyed. I thought it was pretty good. I didn't read it as fast as the previous but it still kept my attention. I may continue reading the rest of the series at some point, but for now I have moved on to other fare.

So yea, this is what I do right now. Oh and think heretical thoughts. They're revolving around inerrancy at the moment.